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Wednesday, January 08, 2014
The Black Dog continues his watch. The asshole. Remarkably, what I have been reading and putting to use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is beginning to work for the anxiety. As for the depression, I am being mindful that what I think and feel are not always fact. Depression has a way skewing reality. Now if I can always remember this all the time I will be cured! But damn it, this is a work in progress and it is never completed. The thought of that overwhelms me. I know, 'one day at a time' but if you have battled this beast you know how hard it is. You are always aware that you can slip back so easily. It comes up behind you. You feel that it is there but feel powerless to do anything about it.
In other news, my daughter decided to spend all of her money on an ipad and is now scrambling for money for a jazz band trip to Idaho. (Which reminds me, has anyone heard from Ajax at carpe dieming in the garden? She hasn't posted in months and I am hoping she is OK.) She was thinking I would cough up the money but I am only going to pay a portion. She knew this and spent the money anyway. She has been practicing for all year for this trip. The mother guilt points its finger at me but I know I am teaching her to be responsible and accountable. I am paying $200.00, her dad is supposed to pay $200.00 and she is responsible for $200.00. Her dad has never paid an extra penny over the last 13 years so will see how that turns out. At any rate, there is no way she can blame me or say it is my fault. Is it horrible of me to think, "sweet justice"?
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I think we tend to give our kids too much, and it really isn't good for them. You did the right thing.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful that you are getting some positive results from CBT. And yes, you are doing exactly the right thing for your daughter.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
She needs to learn and you would not be helping her by handing over the money. Is your CBT costing money? You can't afford to waste it on ipads if you need to pay for your sanity. You are definitely sounding better. Keep up the good work. X
ReplyDeleteTeach her now before you bail her out of a 6G mess and you never see more than 1G back. Not that I'd know anything about that!?!
ReplyDeleteHey. CBT works. I was scared of flying til today. Spending 8 hours in an airport can totally take the fear out of your ass.
The sun will come out tomorrow and that's the only thing I know for sure. Everything else is up in the air.
Glad you reopened commenting. It sounds like you're trying to reason through this black dog episode and I'm happy you are. You'll make it through the tunnel. And you're not wrong at all for thinking "sweet justice".
ReplyDeleteThe CBT works and yes, it takes a lot of practice. As for your daughter, our choices have consequences.
ReplyDeleteYou are right in sticking to yer guns...it'll pay off in the long run. So glad the cbt is working!
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ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you sounding better.. I surely know it isnt easy and for me it isnt day by day, its minute by minute.. I have started using a lasso in my visuals.. my thoughts begin to go astray to a dark place and I lasso them and positive speak them back in.. everyone has their own way of dealing and making it thru.
good for you not rewarding misbehavior with your daughter. the only way to really learn is to FEEL the results of our bad decisions.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you sounding better.. I surely know it isnt easy and for me it isnt day by day, its minute by minute.. I have started using a lasso in my visuals.. my thoughts begin to go astray to a dark place and I lasso them and positive speak them back in.. everyone has their own way of dealing and making it thru.
good for you not rewarding misbehavior with your daughter. the only way to really learn is to FEEL the results of our bad decisions.
Hi Birdie, I am in the same position with my black dog. Yesterday was a good day and then last night at tea time it just enveloped me once again. I took my anti psychotic early and went to bed before 6pm - hoping and praying for an improvement in the. Morning as I had plans for today. It wasn't to be. Today I feel absolutely shit and the plans have gone out of the window, letting loved ones down gain. G x
ReplyDeleteWhat are you reading to help you do the CBT? I would be interested to know.
ReplyDeleteAs for children- I never knew, just blindly went down whatever path presented itself to me, continued to love, to try and do my best. Even now I feel I failed so much as a mother. It will be okay, however it turns out though. I promise.
CBT can work; it's helped me w/ anxiety for sure. Keep it up!!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are right on track with your daughter. My parents were very no-nonsense about money, and although it sucked at the time, I am so grateful today that they taught me to be responsible. Hang in there!
It's difficult to watch our kids learn the hard way but it's the best lesson we can teach them... to take responsibility for their choices. If she manages to come up with her portion but her father does not, then I would consider stepping in and helping to cover what he did not, if you are able to. Otherwise, it's an important step for her growth for you to stick to your guns.
ReplyDeleteYou are good to not give in to your daughter. It will be a hard lesson for her to learn the meaning of responsibility.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard when grown children do not watch their money and then we contemplate whether to help them or let them learn a letter.
ReplyDeleteI used to tell my daughter "I have confidence in your ability to work this out. You don't really need my help."
ReplyDeleteI'm glad CBT is working...I need to check that out.
ReplyDeleteI think you did the right thing. There are privileges, not rights!
No, you shouldn't feel guilty. Teaching kids to be responsible is one of the best things we can do. I am pretty tough about stuff like this with my kids, and don't feel guilty about it!
ReplyDeleteYou had me at "Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is beginning to work for the anxiety".
ReplyDeleteYou got it. Feelings aren't always facts. Depression, as you will understand, robs us of the joy that is right there in front of us. Yes, we try to live with rather than suffer from our mental health concerns.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to your daughter, you have displayed fair and proper assertion skills. Kudos to you.
A peaceful, hopeful weekend to you.
Gary :)