Many of you are asking about why you can no longer get to the 'older' posts section of my blog. I have actually just turned the feature off. With all the things that have gone on with me during the last two months I was concerned that someone in my non-blog life would find my blog. Because the things that have gone on are extremely personal I just want to keep my life to one post. For those of you that keep up with my blog, you know what has gone on. For those that haven't, I don't have it in me to re-visit it. Not right now anyway. The last two months have been the worst months of my life and I have had to do everything in my power to make it through. I think if anyone really wanted to know what was going on they could look it up through their blog feed. Yes, it would take a while but it is there. And for those of you that have been with me the last two months, I thank you from the bottom of my depressed and anxious heart!
My dad turns 65 tomorrow. (He is actually my step-dad.) I clearly remember the day he showed up to take my mom on their first date. He was so handsome in his brown three-piece suit! He had long black hair and a beard. I would learn later that women would swoon over him. Instead of knocking on the door and introducing himself to my mom, he got on my brother's skateboard and was riding it down the driveway and up a ramp! ha! How can he be 65? At any rate he is still the man riding the skateboard.
Today was a sucky anxiety day. I am working on a gradual return to work and my employer is making me feel like a damn criminal. I have to sit in front of a board and tell them why I think I am ready to come back. Welcome full force, stigma of depression! This would never happen if I was recovering from any other illness. I could understand this if I was a danger to others but that is not the case. I am frustrated because my employers is big on saying that want to get rid of the stigma but it is all talk. That said, I do understand that there should be concerns but my doctor's note should be sufficient.
And as my mom would say...Anyway, that is all. Time for bed!
You had to sit in front of a board and tell them why you want to go back to work?? Wow, that sucks big time.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you've been going through all this but I'm glad you've had your blog so you get it all out and hopefully it helped a bit too.
I just put certain posts back to draft form if I don't want to lose them but don't want them read. I seemed to have an unhealthy amount of people interested in the post where i showed photos of my younger daughter.
I have no feed, so I have to check in. That's ok, small price, I just don't want to miss anything. :)
ReplyDeletePerhaps a letter to your job after all this has passed, might be in order. It might not save you from having to sit in front of a board, but it might save the next person.
I am so glad to be retired and out of the work place.
ReplyDeleteI felt like I was trying to get away with something yesterday, waiting on my prescription for four Xanax. Jeez.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you had to sit in front of people and talk about your hardships and in between days of some ease, (enough to go back to work). Please don't be disheartened and just remember to look at those people and think of them as hurdles in the way of your recovery and toss them aside in your mind. However, I would keep a journal of ups and downs (only bold and to the point words or sentences) then keep repeating until thoroughly understood. It will be much easier for you to talk in front of any one. Recovery of any kind needs others to understand you, if they don't - - - -oh well. You just have to hang on to those who do.
ReplyDeleteSorry that they make you change your blog. If they are members though, then they can see the back blogs in their dashboard or through feedly.
ReplyDeleteNot sure if that's a problem for you, but wanted to toss it out there just in case they were followers.
Hi Birdie,
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday to you dad or step-dad skateboarder :)
I went through a similar experience with a former employee when I became very ill. The irony was that the company was the direct result of my illness. Time employees understood that those who have mental health concerns should be treated with understanding and not misunderstanding. They might discover that a positive workplace environment can do wonders.
In peace and hope for a better future,
Gary
It's your blog, girl, so run it whichever way suits you best. There's certainly no need to explain why, but it's nice of you to do so.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds really stressful about your work. The stigma is definitely still there. *sigh* We still have such a long way to go with mental health.
Yikes!
ReplyDeleteYour stepdad is younger than my boyfriend!
Who....by the way....is stranded in Atlanta....therefore delaying our escape to Florida.....life sucks....oops...did I just say that?
Cheers!
Linda :o)
Sorry to hear about your return to work and how hard things have been. You can make it through, really.
ReplyDeleteDad to me is my step-dad as well. He is my male role model...although, he never skateboarded. Dammit, daddy issues are back. (Not really)
Wow! Good luck with the board. As if any one person can be appropriately analyzed by a board.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that I haven't been keeping up... I will read and catch up but not comment so you will not have to revisit the hard two months... having said that... you have passed them and survived... well done my dear... things will soon get better.
ReplyDelete