Lately it seems as if this blog has served its purpose. The last few weeks I feel as if I am forcing posts. And the Black Dog is lurking. I can't be completely honest on my blog anymore. I have to monitor what I say so it seems quite pointless. The only safe thing to write is about stupid shit I am doing and the weather. 

Then again, whenever I think I don't want to blog anymore there will be a shift and I start up again. Right now however I just have nothing. My heart feels empty and my soul feels cold. Yes, I know I was doing so well but I can't write here about what is going on. Blogging used to be so therapeutic. Now it isn't.

So maybe a break? Maybe so. If you don't hear from me for a while you will know what. But who knows. Maybe I will post tomorrow. 

I have all but given up on trying to post.  Way too busy and the weather has been so nice. I am trying to at least read your posts but blogging can take up a lot of time. Recently I did a purge to get down the blogs I read to something manageable but then I feel bad because how do you decide?

We had our sort of Easter dinner tonight. I had forgot all about so I picked up a pre-cooked glazed ham that was HUGE and made scalloped potatoes that I burned. I am not a cook. It is not something I find even the least bit enjoyable. I don't usually burn things though.

Anyway, that is it. The day is over and I need to go to bed. 

I am at the point where I have become so busy that I have to decide between reading and commenting on posts or posting myself. I will do a short post tonight and try to catch up on reading tomorrow.

Today was so busy. Al Anon, library, groceries, taking my son to an appointment, mowed the lawn, went to a meeting of the local historical society, cleaned the bathroom, changed the bed, took the kids to school, picked them up, e mailed people, ordered an ipod, did laundry... I think there was other stuff but I am too tired to remember now. There is already a list started for things I didn't get to today that have to be done tomorrow. But, you know what? I don't mind at all because it is so great to finally feel good again!

As I said, tonight I went to a meeting of the local historical society. I am the youngest person by about 20 years, maybe 30. They had presentation and I would like to know why anytime any group has a presentation with a computer and a projector nobody knows how to work it. There is always a problem. And there is always some guy named Bud who knows how to fix it.  Just once I would like to see someone turn it on and it works. When I was sitting down some guy came up behind me and stood about 6 inches behind me. A major infringement on my personal space. He was so close I got shivers down my back. They had a 50/50 draw which leads me to another question. Why is it when they have a 50/50 draw and call out the number the person that wins has no fucking clue that they won? They call the number. No response. They call the number again. No response. They number is called again and some twit goes, "Oh, that's me!" Whenever they draw for 50/50 I have my ticket cleaned in my fingers willing them to call my numbers but they never do. Ever. Pisses me off. 

OK, that is it. I need to have a bath and go to bed. 

Chirp

Whenever I finish my set of night shifts I feel tired and achy and about 100 years old. When I got home this morning I did sleep some but now that spring is here our neighbourhood is getting noisy. People working in their yards and on cars. It is now 7:00 and I am about to go soak in the hot tub then get my jammies on. Then, blissful sleep. 

Only got a little work in the yard done today. Dandelions. Always with the dandelions. It seems I have to resign myself to pulling them out for the rest of my life because the neighbours across the street has about 12, 837 in their yard and they blow into our yard. But I can't complain. Spring is here in fine form and tree and flowers are blooming everywhere. Birds are everywhere and very chirpy. Ah, I can't complain. My antidepressant medication is keeping the synapses connected and all the therapy is paying off. I go to bed each night with my love. Life is good. 

An Iffy Connection

It is 2:30 a.m. and I am at work with a two bar Internet connection .  Will see if it lasts while I put together a very short post.

Yes, work. Have I mentioned I love my job? I get to meet the coolest people. I could write a book on the stories I have been told.

Well, I wrote the above last night and lost connection so I just gave up. Now I am home and just woke up and getting ready to go to work and I see all sorts of new posts from all of you but I don't have time to read them. Maybe I will get online tonight.

Remember way back in December when I started a huge cross stitch? I think I will be able to finish it tonight. I just have to finish off one heart and do the bottom curvy part and a leaf. After that I have to quilt it and put a binding on it. I have never quilted anything before and have no idea how to do it. It can't be too hard and I think I can figure it out. What's the worst that can happen?

Weeds

source
Does anyone else bother to source pictures? 

More weed pulling today. Only today it was dandelions, not bluebells. The bucket was so heavy afterwards I needed two hands to lift it. That is a lot of dandelions. In our home we do not use any chemicals to kill weeds because we know the impact they have on the environment and we live across the street from a stream. Instead we pull dandelions with this tool. It works great and kind of fun. However it does not work on the bluebells because they have a bulb and not a root and are about 8 inches down. Anyway, the yard is dandelion free today but more will show up tomorrow because that is what dandelions do. Next week I am going to put a raised bed in our front yard out of scavenged bricks. 

My daughter has been having problems with her heart. Irregular heartbeat, palpitations, missing beats. She had an ECG today and now we are waiting for a heart rate monitor. I am guessing it is caused by anxiety because well...I (the anxiety queen) am raising her. 

My laptop fan is not working so I am cutting this post short. I have a small fan sitting by me to keep it cool and I am freezing! 

I should be folding laundry. I should be putting another load in the wash. There are so many things I should be doing right now but I am sleepy and just want to go to bed. Unfortunately my son went to see Captain America and I am picking him up so I have to stay up until 10:30! 10:30! I have to ask myself when 10:30 became late. Remember the days when you were just getting started at 10:30? 

Today I pulled Bluebells. They are awful little flowers that root very deeply and are invasive here. Last year and the year before I pulled them with the hopes that there would not be as many but it seems there are more now than ever. And I know everyone is going to say how beautiful bluebells are but they are not at all beautiful when there are 40 million of them and the choke out everything else except the ivy which is also invasive. 

OK, I got stuff to do so that is all for today.

New Grandparents

Well how did the hell this happen? If you don't know already I do geneology. Though I am by no means an expert I am a more advanced researcher having added hundreds of people to my tree. Though I have had considerable help on my father's maternal side I have done the other three lines on my own. (Father's paternal and mother's maternal and paternal as well as my step-father's parents.) I guess I was getting too cocky because I just found out tonight that I made a huge mistake. Remember I mentioned my father's father left when my dad was about 4? Nobody, not even his children know much about him. I did know his mother's name because I was named after her as she remained a part of our lives.  I was given a bulletin from her funereal and knew her date of birth. Tonight I realized my mistake. I have been following the wrong person! There were 2 women that had the exact same name as my great grandmother born in 1904, one in January the other in October.  Both were from Saskatchewan. Their last name was not a common one and I had never heard of it before or since. Seriously frustrating. I have to say that even though I am mad at myself for not noticing that I was following the wrong family all along it shows how geneology is incredibly fascinating and never boring. With that one mistake I now have about 50 new people to add to my tree!

Aunt Flo is visiting. Since I have been taking Magnesium citrate the pain is not as bad but I still want a hysterectomy. I am way too old for this.

Just got a call from my employer and they want me to work overtime. The money is awesome when it comes to overtime but I am tired and want to go home. Oh, well.

And here I am back at work. Remember last week when I mentioned the home I was in was making me nervous and I thought it was an apartment with drug dealers? I am caring for the same person but she was moved because the situation got really bad and one of my co-workers was threatened and 911 was called. Apparently the tenant also shoved my client. (She is 90.) We have a fabulous union backing us up and have the right to refuse unsafe work environments so service was cancelled. Because my client needs 24-hour care she was moved into an assisted living facility immediately. It makes me angry that my client had to move after living in the same apartment for 30 years and not the neighbour but isn't that the way it always is? The rights of the criminals supercede the right of law abiding citizens. Anyway, she is safe now and that is the most important thing.

The home I am in tonight is so hot! Most elderly people keep their homes on the toasty side but this is well beyond toasty. It is 25 C in here!

My days off went so fast! Even with having a list of all the things I needed to do I didn't get everything completed. I had to reassess and put them onto next week's list. Though I love working 12-hour night shifts it can be difficult to shove everything that needs to be done into my days off. Fortunately my husband does more than his fair share around the house and my kids do very well managing on their own. They have been cooking and cleaning for many years now and don't need me to help them with tasks.

Well, my Internet connection is sketchy tonight so I am going to sign off before I get kicked off again.

You can tell I am back at work because I am not able to read blogs or post like I was before. Yesterday and today were super busy with just doing stuff that can't be done when I am working.  It is weird how quickly I lost the concept of how busy my life is when I am working. Yesterday was clean the house day, go to the library and Costco and other errands. Mondays are my transition days from working nights to days off so I don't usually get up until noon. 


Today (up at 8:00) was more clean the house and going to Costco again because I bought a pillow yesterday and wanted another one. This is supposed to help with the hot flashes. I am a bit of a pillow snob because in the past I would not hesitate spending over $100.00 on a pillow. Several years ago I had whiplash and ever since then I can't sleep on a cheap pillow. Over the years I have noticed that you can now get a decent pillow for far less than I used to pay. This one was only $35.00. For that price I was not expecting it to last but this has a 5-year warranty so I thought I would give it a try.

Did I really just spend time blogging about a pillow? *sigh* 

Do you know what pisses me off? When you put something on Craigslist or Kijiji and the person doesn't show up. This has happened to us so many times! The fuck? Have we as a people devolved? (Is that a word?)

I just finished watching The Big Wedding on Netflix and I want the last 89 minutes of my life back. How can a cast of amazing actors make such a terrible movie? Did anyone like this one?

And you know what? Our high today reached 20 C! And also I am feeling so good since I upped my antidepressant medication. I am so very grateful.