Well here i am at the blood donar clinic. I wont be using punctuation or spell check. The guy beside me keeps shaking his leg. STOP!!!!!!!! OK, He is gone now. Those of you that know me know about my fear and hatred for giving blood and yet here i am. My turn is next so ihavr to go. Mommy !!!!!

That One Pound Sounds Nice Now!

1/4 of a pound.  4 ounces. .113 of a kilogram.  That is all I am down this week.  Bah.  I will say I am feeling great.  Even though I am not even down five pounds yet my clothes are just a teeny bit looser.  Today I rode my bike to the office and home then to my TOPS meeting then home.  Both times I loathed peddling uphill and loved coasting downhill.  Everyday this week I tracked my food.  Everyday I ate lots of fruits and vegetables and whole grains so I am proud of myself.  When I spoke to a dietician this week I felt a lot better about the direction I am going.  Even if I do not lose 50 pounds in one year I am heading in the right direction by choosing healthier foods.  Let's face it, there are a lot of people out there that weigh a healthy weight but are not at all healthy.  The goal for me is to stop eating mindlessly and to control emotional eating.  I need to try to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my diet during the fall and winter when they are harder to come by.  I need to do this.  I have been overweight for far too long!

Labyrinth

I got off work this morning at 8:00 and was very tired but decided to stay awake because I never have any weekend days to do anything.  Every weekend is spent either working or sleeping.  I love my job, I do but sometimes it is a drag to never have a weekend off.  All the cool activities take place on the weekend.  That said, I am so glad for my job.  This weekend my client was in a lot of pain and I was able to set the ball rolling for it to be dealt with.  My client's spouse is having a very difficult time keeping up with the demands of caring for a partner that is dying and I was able to bring love, compassion and understanding and a shoulder to cry on.  Before I leave a home I always ask if I can give a hug to anyone in the home who looks like they can use a hug. (And who doesn't?)  More often than not the person ends up crying on my shoulder. It is hard for family and friends to care for someone in the last stages of living.  Sometimes a hug is the outlet they need to finally let go of some of the overwhelming emotion. And, I give a damn good hug! So yes, I love my job but people do not die Monday to Friday, 9 - 5 with time off for coffee and lunch breaks.  When I am in a home caring for someone it is 12 hours of being awake and ready to serve. 


Anyway...
Because I elected not to sleep today, I went here.  A labyrinth!

It takes about 10 minutes to walk all the way through.  Walking through is a meditation. Though I am very tired from being awake for the last 24 hours I am glad that I had the opportunity to go.  It was so lovely. This is a place I will go to again and again. 


And ug... I weigh in tomorrow.  Even though I did very well this week I feel like I may have gained.  This week I made a Southwestern tomato chicken soup with brown rice, black beans and lots of veggies.  For the first time I made a Thai noodle salad made with whole wheat pasta.  Both were made with little or no sodium and both were delicious.  I ate loads of fruit and vegetables this week as well.  I am drinking 4 -6 cups of iced green tea (decaf) everyday.  

So why do I feel like a sow at a country fair? Oh, well.  I am much cuter and smarter than a sow.  And I didn't have to give birth to 20 babies at once. And I am funny and can guarantee you the sow in this picture has never had a funny thought in her life. Poor thing.   I mean my god.  Look at her!  That is a life of misery.  Bloated every single day.  You know how bad bacon is for you but what if you are bacon?  What hope is there? The little curly tail is somewhat enviable. 
The Ungrateful Bastard still has fleas.  He growls at me when I try to de-flea him.  Maybe I will get a recording of his growls because it is funny as hell.  It reminds me when a two year old gets angry.  It is so cute and funny and it just pisses him off more if I laugh.  
OK, time for dinner.  I need to heave myself off the couch and go eat something.  Or sleep.  And I better not record the Ungrateful Bastard growling at me or I might get reported for animal cruelty even though I am trying to help him.  He is evil and would report me to the authorities is he had thumbs.  But alas, he doesn't.  Thank god. 

An Award

Debra, fellow Canadian blogger at She Who Seeks awarded me with this award.  Thank you, Debra! Go over and say hello. I will wait...


Now I am supposed to say 7 things about myself.  I have been wanting to do a re-introduce myself post as I have several new followers so now is a good time as any.


1. I work in the community doing palliative care.  I work the night shift, 8 - 8.  


2. I have two teenage children.  My son is 16 and my daughter is 14.


3. We live in a house that my fiancé and I bought last year.  I love my home.  It is nothing fancy and that is one of the many reasons I love it.


4. In September I am going to start taking courses to get my palliative accreditation.  It will take minimum of two years.


5. I have an allergy to latex that requires an epi-pen.  I have to be very careful not to come in contact with it as it could kill me.


6.  I am a highly sensitive introvert.  I love nature and all things quiet and serene. Sometimes being inside overwhelms me so I sleep outside when the whether permits. 


7. I write something about my life everyday, even if it is only a few sentences. 


OK, I know some people don't like awards so if you want to do this, grab the button and go to it!  

My Cats Have Fleas!

I have man-hands in this picture.

Trying to not be evil.

Oh, my god.  It is an infestation.  Both of my cats are crawling in fleas.  You know when you turn them over and you can see dozens of the vile creatures? It is so gross! Norbert (the Ungrateful Bastard) has never had a single flea before.  I would like to say he caught them on purpose but he has been so miserable.  Both cats have been scratching and biting at themselves endlessly.  Norbert, the poor baby even has open wounds on his belly from biting himself. So, today they got a flea bath.  I washed them first with Dawn detergent then rinsed,  then washed them again with more Dawn soap and lavender essential oil.  Lot of essential oil.  The fleas were falling off.  After they were bathed there were still fleas so I had to resort to an insecticide. I feel sick about it.  That shit is so toxic but what choice do I  have?  *sigh* I do want to say that even though Norbert hates baths, he tries very hard to be a good cat.  He only tried a couple feeble attempts at escape.  The rest of the time he just sat in the sink and waited for the torture to end. Right now both cats are sleeping on the couch.  Both exhausted from their bath.
At TOPS I lost 1 pound.  One lousy pound. Even though 1 pound a week is my goal I am annoyed.  Fucking celery.  How can you resent a vegetable?  I am not sure but I resent celery tonight. 

Work is Interfering with Blogging

I really need more time in my day or win the lottery because I don't have enough time to blog.  It is summer and my kids are not in school. There are no activities to drive them to so I should have oodles of time. I was in a new client's home this week and did not have Internet access.  Last week I was on a hot spot so it is unlikely I will ever be able to blog from work again.  Oh, well.
I am weighing in tonight.  Of course I am hoping I am down.  Maybe I will be at my goal weight!  Maybe I will have lost 47 pounds this week.  Likely not.  Wouldn't it be nice for fat to come off as easily as it went on?  I will tell you about a book I found.  It is based on the Buddhist belief of Mindfulness and it is life changing.  I have already incorporated Mindfulness into other areas of my life and I can't believe I did not consider it when eating.  It is only natural that I need to be Mindful about food as well.   My problems are not about knowing about what is a healthy choice or how much to eat.  My problem is WHY and HOW I eat.  I will keep you posted.  So far, (and I hate this term) it is and Aha! moment.  Why didn't I realise this sooner?  
I dug out my bike this week but the tires are flat so I need to go get an air pump today.  My goal is to ride my bike to my TOPS meetings.  They meetings are not too far so I am pretty sure I won't keel over dead.  If I never post again will know that I either died of a heart attack or got run over.  

The Equator

How is it that some of you can live 3 blocks from the equator?  It was 28 C today.  That is about 82 F. Maybe I have just spent too many winters on the west coast of Canada.  When I was 20 I went to Los Angles and I thought I was going to die.  Not just "ha ha I think I am going to die" but "I have heat stroke and I am vomiting with the worst migraine of my life" going to die  I think it was 104 F in the shade.  Having no health insurance I decided to just wait to die and besides, I couldn't stand up and get into the car.  It was probably the sickest I had ever been.  It didn't help that my now ex-husband didn't want to run the air conditioner in the car because it consumed too much gas.  Being the good submissive Christian wife I did not argue.  (Yes, it may surprise you to know I was at one time a good submissive Christian wife.  I was 20 so let's just leave it at that.)  Anyway, I am off topic as usual.  I was so sick and I vowed I would never move to any place hot.  My heart called for home. 
Because it was so hot today I bought one of those cooling neck wraps.  I love it already!  Already my body temperature is going down.  It was cheap and I have already ordered more. So how is it that you all do it? How do you live in the heat? You must have a secret because you are clearly walking around and fine.
We went to the nursery today and picked up some goodies so now that is it 7:55 and cooling down I am going to go into my yard and plant some lavender and blueberries.

Yippee!

See my little girl up on my ticker?  She is moving because I weighed in tonight and lost 3 pounds!  And if anyone says it is "water weight" you are going to get a smack because I planned my meals ahead this week and made several different healthier choices.  Three pounds that I worked for!  I will say I made way too much minestrone soup.  I still have half a pot left.  I am going to freeze the rest tomorrow.
Another thing I did this week is track every single thing I ate.  I am going to go about this weight loss by tracking calories but also being aware of my fat intake, carbs and protein.  I am using Spark People to track my intake and exercise as well as this. I do not like the word diet but for all intents and purposes that is what it is.  I am trying to change my diet to a healthier one.  Last week while I was tracking my food I realized how often I eat emotionally. Apparently I sit on the couch for a lot of my meals. When I am at work I look forward to eating as a way of breaking up the night.  I also eat to help myself cope with grief.  Even though I am not writing about it much I am still having a lot of issues around the death of my mom.  It is so much more than just her being dead and gone from this world.  Her dying turned my entire belief system on its ear.  The God who I thought I knew is no longer.  It is taking a long time to right things and since I don't have a strong Cornerstone I am turning to food. My biggest hurdle with this journey will be so much more than getting fit or thin.  It will be about diving deep to control my addiction to food. Food is what I use to make me feel better and that needs to change. The more mindful I become of why, when, how and what I eat the closer I will get to my goal.  
Well, my intention was not to write all this but there it is anyway.  

I am Going to Hell For This

Don't tell anyone but I am at work right now.  It is coming up four in the morning and the person I am caring for is sleeping peacefully.  I am so freaking hot that I have taken my shoes and socks off.  I have never blogged at work before and I know I am going to go to hell because of this post.
My attempt at losing weight is going terribly.  I am so hungry that I want to rip someone's head off.  I thought I had planned properly but I am obviously not eating enough. On my days off I made a huge pot of vegetarian minestrone soup that was very good but I need more than soup! I also made hummus and cut up a few hundred pounds if veggies but I am still hungry.  It is making me cranky.  Because I work odd hours it is hard to plan meals.  For instance, I have no access to a way to heat up a meal right now. Let me get honest here. I also happen to love Doritos.  And chocolate. Bah.  I don't know.  I feel like Evelyn Couch in Fried Green Tomatoes when she says I wish I had the courage to get it over with and get really fat.  
Well, I am feeling guilty so I need to go.  I am off at 8:00 this morning and I will not stop on the way home for donuts. 

Starting Now!

I am so far behind in reading your blog posts.  When I went on my mini-holiday I brought my laptop along but when I had trouble connecting wirelessly I decided to not fix it and just enjoy my Internet-free holiday. There is no way I can read back for more than a week so I am just going to have to start now.
My big news is I joined TOPS last night.  TOPS is a weight loss group similar to Weight Watchers in that they have support but I do not have to put out the almost $60.00 a month.  Each week I will weigh in and then there is a 30 minute talk on living a healthy lifestyle.  My goal is to lose 50 pounds by this time next year.
I have been busy, busy, busy today and now I am off again to take my daughter to an eye appointment. 

A Mini Vacation

It started out raining. 

And it rained. 

And it rained. 

And it rained some more.

But we do live in a rainforest so I can't complain. 

The sun finally came out on our last day!

And so did a snake. 

But it started acting all weird so put it down.

A hive of demons.  ( I hate wasps!)

One of the things on my Bucket List is to go up in a lighthouse.   This one is closed so maybe another day. 

Me.

There were some strange houses.

It must be fun to live in such a unique home. 

On our last evening we went for dinner.  This is the view from the patio. 

A game of chess. 

A program on the Island to cut down the use of vehicles. 

Sunset.