It is a 3/10 kind of day. Anxiety all day long and I just have to live with it because I don't have any ativan. Is it too much to ask to have one fucking ativan everyday? I have never, ever taken more than two a day. Not once. The doctor in the hospital gave me 20 pills to last 30 days. That is all well and fine if the current ant-depressant was working to its full potential but its not. So I sit here all day barely being able to take a breath. My heart races and my head spins. I am wondering if he expects me to start drinking or smoking pot because that is looking like my only option right now. Seriously...just one damn ativan to get me through the witching hours of the day.
Anyway... I am also wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Tonight the movie "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" was on and it made me literally sick to my stomach. The scene where the girl is bonded and raped disturbed me so much that I started to cry. Why is it that everywhere we go we hear about violence against women and yet we watch it as entertainment and don't think there is anything wrong with it? Is it just me? If it is, why? Or is it not me and all the rest of the world is fucked up? Am I too sensitive or is everyone else desensitized? The movie and the books were a huge hit so it much be me.
OK, I am crying again. Time for bed.
Ativan puts me in the foggiest of fogs. I only need it for the dentist now, thank god.
ReplyDeleteYou should be watching things like Dumb and Dumber. Maybe the Wedding Singer. Cheerful and funny things.
Not just you. I started to read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - and couldn't continue. I wouldn't even try and watch the movie.
ReplyDeleteCan you get some more Ativan?
Hugs.
I have never had ativan so I can't advise there. However I don't think it's you at fault over the Girl with the dragon Tattoo .. I read the book and that scene sickened me too. Have you seen The Bucket List or Best Exotic Marigold Hotel? They would be much better for you
ReplyDeleteThey have sad bits but nothing gruesome. Xx
I would not know what to say.
ReplyDeleteIf you need to talk, please do, or write about what makes you anxious. It might make your mind a little lighter from the burdens of life.
Take care of yourself.
When I am in the big anxiety cage, I can't watch anything stressful. At all. Even comedies can be too much.
ReplyDeleteWhy WON'T doctors prescribe anti-anxiety medication to people who are anxious? It's like a form of cruelty to me. I don't get it.
I have never read the book or seen the movie but that would make me not. It is sad that acknowledging the problem exists also desensitizes us to the horror of it.
ReplyDeleteViolence against women is often marketed as entertainment and personally, I find it appalling too. Once I heard about the violence in that story, I refused to read the novel or see the movie(s). No matter if she ultimately takes her revenge. It's just all too, too violent.
ReplyDeleteI have read all the books and they are horribly violent. I won't watch the movie because I don't want to watch that kind of violence bad enough to read it but they were well written books.
ReplyDeleteI hope your anxiety levels off soon and that you won't need any ativan. Anxiety totally sucks!
Hey I'm back girlfriend! I sure hope you can get the drugs you need to help you.
ReplyDeleteYou are not too sensitive. It's the stupid public. Personally any film that takes advantage or promotes cruelty to anyone or women in general should be banned. It will teach film makers a lesson that we won't tolerate their trash. That goes for books too.
I can't be bothered with movies like that. They are a waste of my time and really why get stuck with those images in our heads? For what?
ReplyDeleteNah, I'll take a good bake off, like THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF, or a nice romantic comedy cooking movie.
Hopefully, you find something better to watch next time, rather than waste energy on trash.
I couldn't make it through the book and have no intention of watching the movie. I think you are right that the rest of the world is just f***ed up. We're in the 21st century and still glamorize violence against women. When will we learn?
ReplyDeleteSince you like birds, try watching The Big Year. Maybe you already have, but it's wonderful, especially for birders.
Watch comedies! Don't waste your time on stuff like that. A good belly laugh picks up the mood!
ReplyDeleteUGH - anxiety sucks. Sorry...hope you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteFor me, personally, I can't watch heavy stuff when I'm in a mood, or the black dog is visiting. Just don't do it. The littlest things can set me off, let alone something traumatic.
ReplyDelete