The cold that I was getting was fighting hard but I won. I am taking Cold Fx and Oil of Oregano, both are recommended by my naturopath. They are expensive but taking a day off work is more expensive. 

I stopped by my dad's last night. It has been almost two years since my mom died but I actually still refer to his home as "my mom and dad's house". My mom is still there but in more of a misty kind of way. Like what you can see outside the light of a candle. For a long time it felt like ripping at my heart when I went to their home. It doesn't hurt so much now. And since I have always been honest with you all I can tell you that I still have not gone through my mom's things. You know, the stuff that should have been donated to charity long ago? Part of the reason is my dad has not been ready but the real reason is I have not been ready. Everyone tells me how unhealthy it is and how I should move on...accept it...it isn't right...just do it...this is not what she would have wanted. Well, yes. Maybe all that is true but that is not that Hospice way. Grief is as personal as the way we decorate our homes or choose names for our children. Nobody can tell you how to do it or what way is right. Watching my mom die a long and painful death was horrible. I miss her now more than ever. The time to go through her things will be soon. Not yet, but soon. Getting rid of her things is frustrating because there is some unsaid message in my family that it is my job. My brother and sister won't do it. I have brought it up but I might as well ask Norbert. Sometimes I don't like being the responsible child. Maybe if I explained all the family logistics of what my brother and sister are like it would make sense but at the end of the day all the responsible adult stuff is left to me.

Norbert was finding ways to rub his sore foot after I took the bandage off even with the come of shame so the bandage is back on. Oh, how he hates it!  When it is on he gets all moody and grumpy and walks around feeling like the world is about to end. The bandage and the cone are worse than the actual injury.

It is back to work tonight after being off for 10 days. When I have worked at other jobs going back to work was drudgery but I love what I do, the pay is great and I have benefits. One of the best part of my job is being able to make decisions for my patients without having to run everything by a nurse leader. I am highly trained and have been doing this for a long time and it feels great to be able to make decisions on my own regarding patient care. I know I make a difference. Yes, all my patients are dying or very, very sick but I know that I am good at what I do. When I enter a home and a patient tells me that she is glad I am there brings me so much satisfaction. Do I want to keep working in palliative care? I am almost positive that I do but I have not been taking proper care of myself and it had caught up with me. That has to change. 

I am off to watch the new program on Netflix. It is called, "Derek" and it is one of the best shows I have seen in years. Check it out if you have Netflix.