(You will have to read my previous post for this to make sense.)
# 6 Social - As an introvert is is very easy to stay that way. When introverts stay introverted we end up never going anywhere unless we have to. I have thought about this and know that for me to actually go out and meet people I have be really interested in the subject.
My goal - Join the local historical/geneology society. I think I can do this because they only meet once a month.
# 5 Spirituality - This one is more difficult. When it comes to Spirituality I would consider myself a Quaker. Of all the faiths this is the one that lines up with my core beliefs. However, because I work nights, when I get off on Sunday morning I am really tired. I miss the connection with other believers.
My goal - Go to at least one service a month. Services are only an hour and are spent in silence. I can always go home and sleep afterwards. This also will help with the social aspect as I will connect with other like-minded people.
# 4 Physical - Now that I am feeling a little better I think it is time to add some sort of physical activity. My first love is swimming but our parks and rec. department have upped their prices and I can't afford to go ($7.00/swim!).
My goal - Since I can't go swimming, I am going to take advantage of a park that
is close to my home. My goal is to start out walking to the duck pond (that never has any ducks) three times a week. It is not far but I need to have an attainable goal.
# 3 Emotional - This is a tough one. Living with depression is a bitch at times.
My goal - Accept that I have depression and be kind to myself. Stop saying "I suffer from depression". Instead learn to live as well as I can with depression. Be grateful for the good days. When the Black Dog shows up spend time getting to know why he is there. Most of the time he shows up when I am under stress. I need to not be afraid to write about it here on my blog. If I have made it this far living with the beast, there is no reason why I can't keep going.
# 2 My job - Currently I am getting my palliative accreditation and working full time in the field. I can not quit my job on a whim and doing so could bring a lot of regret.
My goal - Finish the current class I am taking and then take a break. Re-evaluate at the end of January.
# 1 Marriage - This one still has me stuck. I love my husband. At one time we were so happy together but something has gone awry. A part of me is angry and indignant but another part of me is committed to making it work. Every marriage has bad spells and I can't throw in the towel until I know that there is no hope. If this were happening to a friend I would be angry and tell her to leave but it is so different when you are the one that it is happening to. I want to find what my husband and I have lost. At this point I don't know if it is any use but I am hanging onto hope. If I am without hope, what else is there?
My goal - I don't really know. All I know is I can only change myself. Not having a goal makes me feel tremendously anxious and sad. I guess my goal will be to keep hanging onto hope. For how long? I don't know.
So there you are. I want to thank you all for your comments. It is an honour for me to have all of you in my life. I thank God for every one of you.
Sounds like a wonderful plan. Taking it all a step at a time is wise. As a fellow introvert, I can understand how hard it can be to take those steps...Sending hugs~Sue
ReplyDeleteThat plan sounds quite realistic and workable. Like you will be able to follow through.
ReplyDeleteI am an introvert as well. I coaxed myself into joining a local writers' group. It was right in my town, only five miles from home, at a library I am familiar with. The first night I went, I asked my sixteen-year-old son to accompany me for moral support. He did.
I was the only writer who showed up that night. Just me, my son, the group leader, and his wife. The fifteen other members were all absent. Man! Do I know how to clear out a room, or what?
That was my last writers' group meeting. I am sure you will have a more positive experience with your historical society!
Just admitting that your marriage has problems, is a step in the right direction...
ReplyDeleteAs you say...
Every marriage has their secrets...
Even the long term ones..:o)
I give you an "A" on your first assignment...
There is plenty of HOPE for you!!!
Write me ANYTIME!!!!
Cheers!
Linda :o)
Wonderful idea to break the misery down into small steps that you can start to address.
ReplyDeleteMuch applause from this corner. Much loud applause.
I wish you luck with your goals. To me though, and this is just me, it seems like a BIG list to work on all at once. Does it ever overwhelm you to try to achieve so many goals at once?
ReplyDeleteThose are all great goals. Having new goals to focus on may lead to improvements in unexpected areas too -- who knows? Good for you, Birdie!
ReplyDeleteI admire you for setting goals. It's so hard to make changes--often I feel overwhelmed with all the changes I'd like to make. The way that you've broken down what you want to accomplish seems very workable. And it's the baby steps that get us started! Blessings to you as you make these changes.
ReplyDeleteThat seems like a great plan and I hope you are proud of yourself for establishing it. I'm proud of you.
ReplyDelete{{hug}}
I have a suggestion for your marriage goal. Find the laughter to find the love.
ReplyDeleteYou are right on target for your other goals and it is obvious you know what to do, just need the stamina to stay with it. Good luck and God Bless:)
I am glad you took this time for yourself to think about things, and goals are good. It's good to break things down into smaller chunks.
ReplyDeleteI often think about the saying, 'This too shall pass.'
And I think about things from the past that happened, and how I survived them, they really did pass.
These times for you will pass, it is hard now, but in the future you will look back and think, I made it through that.
I tried to write a comment yesterday, but not knowing what you believe spiritually and what I have to say would sound like I was telling you to leave. I am a divorced person who doesn't believe divorce is the answer most of the time. Nine years ago I sat in a room and heard a man tell me that I had six large tumors and that he was certain that they were malignant. You'd think that those would be the most devastating words that I ever heard. They weren't by far. The most devastating words I ever heard were "I don't love you and I don't want to be married to you any more." I rolled into the fetal position and cried for three days. I'm crying now as I type them. That you are hearing them over and over is horrendous. It is emotional abuse and no wonder you are depressed. Who wouldn't be? Somehow he needs to understand that just the fact that he can utter those words to someone he should cherish shows that he does not know what love is. It can't be done in anger, but it so needs to be done. You deserve to be loved. It took two years from the time I heard those words to finally get divorced but at one point I heard the voice of God tell me "Lisa, you can't make someone love you who won't love you as you are now. They won't love you. It is their choice." So I'm saying that to you now. It is fine for you to keep loving him. Just realize that those hurtful words have more to do with him than they have to do with you. He is making the choice to not love you. It doesn't mean that he won't change his mind, but you can't make him do that. You can only take care of you and that is the best you can do. You can continue loving him, but never let those words tear at you. The wound is in his soul, not yours.
ReplyDeleteYou have a wonderful plan!!! And as for your marriage, the best thing you can do, is work on you. When you get a handle on the other issues, start liking even loving yourself the rest will fall into place.
ReplyDeleteYou will either have your husbands help working on your marriage, or you will be strong enough to do what needs to be done.
Work on you, and the rest will work out.
(((HUGS)))
All those goals are very achievable! Good for you for setting them.
ReplyDeleteThe marriage thing? Is hard. My instinct says to tell you to leave, but we all have to paddle our own canoes and I can't exactly make your life decisions because I'm a stranger on the Internet...LOL! I would recommend counseling though, of the marriage kind. That could be a start. Maybe that would bring you some clarity, because it sounds like what you need.
Writing about your life can be very cathartic. Some of my best decisions were achieved by asking strangers on the Internet for their opinions! :)
Those all seem achieveable and you are such a help to me right now(and I am sure to others). I need to do just what you have done here(I'm not a stalker don't be afraid ;)). Just reading your post has helped to sort a few things out in my mind too. As for the marriage, I'm afraid I agree with the two folks above who advise counselling and laughter. I wish I had the guts to go to relationship counselling with my Mr G but I am afraid that a can of worms may be opened. As it is I am with you and just hang on with hope. My relationship issues are not like yours however Birdie. This really sounds like he has a major problem and you have posted before about things that do sound abusive on his part. Did you ever get to talk to someone about this?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dahmw.org/
I'm so proud of the goals you've set. Good for you! I agree that you might seek a marriage counselor. There are a couple of books that my marriage counselor recommended to me and my husband and they have been helpful (although it's taken a lot of work on both of our parts). Anyway, you might want to check them out: Hold Me Tight: 7 conversations for a lifetime of love by Sue Johnson; Rewire your Brain for Love by Marsha Lucas; and Attached: The new Science of Adult Attachment by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with all of your goals. You are a strong woman and will make it!
Wow, this is all fantastic. I think your plans are realistic. I like that you haven't overloaded yourself with goals that you could not meet. Yes, baby steps is the right way to go!
ReplyDeleteAs for your marriage, I think that you are in a better state, you will figure out the best course of action. First you need to make yourself whole.
Great post, great goals. So much inspiration and motivation in your words. As for your marriage...a lot of us are in that same boat. Part of me says, "get out of the boat and let him sail off into the sunset," and another part says, "Pick up that oar and row til the boat rights itself."
ReplyDeleteAnd then there's the other part that says, "Whack him upside the head with the oar until he understands it's all his fault and does something to correct it."
Good luck, sweetie!
I admire the fact that you can do all of this, function so well, make goals, even with the black dog. I admire you.
ReplyDeleteConsidering that you have all of this to deal with, you're a pretty clear thinker. You can organize my life for me any time. Seriously, I do send you positive thoughts and hope that most, if not all of your goals turn out for the very best.
ReplyDelete