Marrying Your Cousin

Now there is a title for a post. I bet it grabbed your attention, eh? One of the reasons people should not marry their cousin is because it makes it a real problem when you try to add that person to the family tree. The family tree program gets stressed and doesn't understand. This is what happened to my first cousin four times removed. In 1905 she married her first cousin. Besides having offspring with possible congenital issues it is not possible to add her to the tree without creating a paradox. Bless their related hearts. I hope they were happy. 

My line of descendants is just as confusing because apparently I am from a long line of bastards. My maternal grandparents never married. My mom never knew this juicy tidbit but she did suspect. My grandma was a very proper woman and would roll over in her grave dressed in her best jacket, skirt and silk blouse. The funny thing is, as it turns out everyone in the neighbourhood knew. I know this because I ran into one of her friends at the geneology meeting the other day and I brought it up. Her words, "Oh, yes. Everybody knew."  Oh. Poor Grandma. She tried so hard to keep it a secret. Not only was she not married to my grandfather but he was still married to his first wife. So my very proper grandma was shacking up. I wonder what lengths she had to go to keep this covered up? I know she was a very private woman with few friends. It is sad that people had to keep so many things secret. And for what? 

My great grandparents on my dad's side are missing a marriage certificate as well. I have been doing geneology for a long time and one does not exist so I don't want to hear any rubbish about it getting lost in a fire. My cousin (once removed) has been looking for it as well. We tracked every other movement in their life but there was no marriage certificate. Then, all of a sudden the 1922 census comes out and it stated my great grandmother as single even though she had six children by this time.

And here is another thing. My great, great, great grandmother had her first child out of the bonds of holy matrimony. *gasp* She was 17 when she had her daughter who was likely stashed at her mother's house and raised there. A year later she married the father of this child who was 15 years her senior. Quite the scandal. 





You may have been able to be indiscreet 100 years ago but it catches up with you when nosy family historians start scrounging through family records. It is all there in black and white. Or not there as the case may be.

And here is the last family scandal I will leave you with. My paternal grandfather left my grandmother with three children under the age of 4. Just got up and left. He phoned 30 years later, for what reason I am not sure. From snooping around I suspect that he was gay and was just not able to fit into the role of husband. It must have been awful for him before it became too much of a lie. We can judge but I think if I had to be in a relationship with a woman I would take off too. Being heterosexual I can't imagine living in a homosexual relationship. It must have been hell for him to be with a woman. Seventy years ago you didn't come out of the closet and hope your family and friends accepted you. Instead he took off and lived a life on the streets of Vancouver until he had a fall and died of a head injury. From talking to family he was also an alcoholic and physically abusive. When he left, my grandma (at 19 years old) went back to her mom and dad, the ones who didn't have the marriage certificate. They accepted her back into their home with open arms with her three small children. My aunt remembers feeling very safe and loved. Which proves you don't need a damn certificate to be loving and do what is right.