Monday, October 03, 2011
Today is the day of my mom's service. I am doing part of her eulogy. As soon as I woke up I started crying. I don't want to go. Not because I am nervous speaking in front of people, I have never been and large groups of people don't bother me. I also know that everyone there loves my mom and will love me too. I don't want to go because I am not ready to say goodbye. So I am not going to. I am not going to say good-bye today.
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I guess I don't understand why you ever have to say goodbye. Your mom will always be with you. Maybe you could think of it as ushering her into her next place, wherever that is. When I'm going somewhere new I always like to have encouragement and love with me.
ReplyDeleteOh, Birdie, I can tell you're going through much. I wish I could say something to make you feel better.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to say goodbye, she will always be with you. I know it's not the same but it is true.
ReplyDeleteDearest Barbara... I agree with Lilith...She is with you, in your heart... you can feel her through your children's laughter and see her through their twinkling eyes... She is everywhere... she will never leave you and therefore there is no need to say goodbye... She will live through you... you carry so much of her with you... so she is as close to you as her robe you are wearing, caressing you and keeping you warm. Her service is a day to keep that memory alive... not to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteI am sure that you will be met with love and you will hear stories that you never heard before about how your Mother appeared in others' lives and hearts. These ritual gatherings are precious. Just live the moments as they come. You are not obligated to follow any timetable but your own.
ReplyDeleteI will be thinking of you --
ReplyDeleteDear Birdie .. with many thoughts for today - your mother will be by your side and will love you forever more - as you her .. look after yourself and with peaceful wishes .. Hilary
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for what your going through. I agree with what Lililth said, you don't have to say goodbye. She will always be in your heart. And you can immortalize her by thinking of all the great memories you have of her. I'm so sorry for your loss. Many blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteEven in the end, though we believe the other side of life is a bit of a mystery, even when we want to believe one thing or another, my mother would smile and say "See you later alligator!"
ReplyDeleteI know it is true. Though I don't recognize it every day, she is still hanging around, helping me feel better, and also keeping me in check, when I need a reminder, when I ask, but never intrudes...