Snail Relocation Program

Not much going on on my world.  I am sad.  Melancholy.  Blue.  I sigh a lot.  I work in my yard and I will kneel down in the damp grass and sigh.  I pull my dirt-caked gloves off my hands and sigh.  I push my sweaty hair back and put my gloves back on and sigh again.  Then I go back to pulling out everything that is overgrown and tangled in the English ivy which is an invasive species here. It is growing up everything and choking it out; killing it. .  I am leaving very little as the ivy has taken over.  It feels nice to be outside.  The soil is rich and beautiful.  There are spiders and living things.  The soil is full of beautiful earth worms that I gently pick out and put in the compost so they will be happy.  I am finding lots of snails.  I know next year they will eat my vegetable garden.  I can't kill them as they are cute.  I keep them and relocate them to the provincial park across the street where they can live out their lives and be happy and do snail things, whatever that may be. 
 I have things to do this week.  Donate blood tomorrow.  Son has an orthodontist appointment Wednesday. Parent-teacher interviews Thursday.  Reiki Thursday.  Going to a play on Friday.  I am going to meet my step-mom for coffee this week.  She lost her dad a while back and is grieving.  And I just wrote the words step-mom  for a second I thought I sort of still have a mom and then this wave of guilt and grief washed over me and now tears stream down my face  as they do every night around this time.  Oh, god I miss her.  I miss my mom so much.  My god, it seems so surreal.  This can't have happened.  But it did.  I watched it happen.  I held her hand then crawled into bed with my mom as she died.  I feel so fucking lonely.  
I am supposed to go out with my girlfriends on Saturday to celebrate another one of us turning 40. I want to go.  I have known some of these women since I was 5.  I love them so much.  But I fear I am going to start crying. I guess I can step outside before the tears come.  Or maybe I should just stay home. 
At any rate, my love and I are going apple stealing tomorrow.  There is an abandoned orchard and the apples are falling to the ground and rotting.  We are going to go and rescue some.  There are about 300 trees.  
Anyway, that is all I have to say for tonight.  I am going to go wake up my fiancé and ask for some snuggles and cry in his arms for a while.


PS- I wrote this yesterday and posted it and just now realized it didn't post at all. 
Now it is the next day.  I gave blood today while I heard the nurse tell me how much she hated her doctor and then a a list of all the things wrong with herself.  I had bought my MP3 player and I just wanted to lay there and have quiet and rest peacefully but it was not to be.  And tonight it appears the Ungrateful Bastard is sick.  He won't let me pick him up.  I got him in a basket with a heating pad underneath and some towels but he growls and hisses.  Maybe he is doing a fake to make me appreciate him more