Tuesday, October 04, 2011
The service was yesterday. I did not shed a tear. I listened to my auntie give her eulogy and my cousin read a poem and to two people that got up to share. I did not listen to the minister. I have no idea what she said. I am sure it was supposed to bring me comfort but I didn't want to be comforted by a stranger so I stared at a picture of my mom instead.
Today I feel... I don't know how to give words to what I feel. This poem I found is the best I can do.
Grief comes in unexpected surges...
Mysterious cues that set off a reminder of grief.
It comes crashing like a wave, sweeping me in its crest,
twisting me inside out.
Then recedes, leaving me broken.
Oh, Mama, I don't want to eat, to walk to get out of bed.
Reading, working, cooking, listening, mothering...
Nothing matters.
I do not want to be distracted from my grief.
I wouldn't mind dying.
I wouldn't mind at all.
~by Toby Talbert
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You did it!
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you!
Yes, you did it. And I think the wisest words in that poem are these: "I do not want to be distracted by my grief."
ReplyDeleteThere are no words of comfort that really work. I feel with you anyway.
ReplyDeleteThe Funeral Blues by W. H. Auden
ReplyDeleteStop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone.
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crépe bows round the white necks of the public
doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song,
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong
The stars are not wanted now, put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
My favorite grieving poem.
Hugs to you, Birdie.
ReplyDeleteYes. It is time to lay in your grief and let the world go by without you. It's okay.
ReplyDeleteDear Birdie .. my thoughts - it must have been a difficult time but she is now with you forever at your side .. peaceful with you and your world. Hilary
ReplyDeleteBirdie, grief does pop up in so many ways. I cried as I crossed the Canadian border when the immigration officer asked the reason for my trip to Canada. visit. I cry when I think I won't. Grieve all you want in any way it comes.
ReplyDeleteTouched my heart!
ReplyDeleteIt gets easier, but one wears certain kinds of grief all the rest of your life because it changes one in a way. That doesn't mean you don't go on living and laughing and enjoying things in life... it's just that you might be inclined to think (or even say) "Oh, I wish ______ was here with me to see this..." or "I wish I could tell _____ about this." as if ______ was apart from it all. Only I don't believe that is the case. They are still with us, separated by that veil, and we miss their physical presence.
ReplyDeleteMy love and arms around you Birdie. You won't notice them. As your poem says so well.... nothing matters right now. xx
ReplyDelete