And as per request, updates on the Ungrateful Bastard. I swear to all that is good and true. The Ungrateful Bastard is trying to drive me over the precious edge of my sanity. He cries like a baby now when he wants out. Remember I mentioned previously that he has never been an outside cat? Now he is the neighbourhood gadabout. I caught him laying all stretched out on the neighbour's driveway. It was an embarrassing spectacle. His previously white paws have become a dingy grey. He has ear mites now and has scratched all the fur off his ears. He has scabs all over his body. I hate calling him in at night because he ignores me. I stand like a fucking moron calling him and shaking Temptations . I know all the neighbours must be laughing at me.
Here is how it goes... all voices are done by me.
Act One
Scene One
Calling in a normal voice - Norbert! Here kitty! Here puss, puss, puss!Norbert! Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
Under my breath - You fucking bastard, come here.
Louder voice - Norbert! Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
Under my breath - Fucking cat.
Normal Voice - Come on Norbert! Kitty, kitty!
Under my breath - Get in the house you ungrateful piece of shit
~~Open door and go inside
Louder voice - God damn fucking cat. I don't know why I bother to own a cat at all.
~~Outside 5 minutes later
Louder voice - Norbert! Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
Calling louder through gritted teeth - NORBERT!
~~repeat about 12 times.
***Enter Norbert daintily prancing up the stairs
Me in my gentle voice - What a good kitty you are. Mama loves you so much. Do you want a treat? Oh dear, you are all wet. Let Mama put the heater on for you and dry your fur.
End of Scene One
Scene repeats itself over and over and over...
 |
| I mock you |
Bahahahaha Norbet made me smile and laugh
ReplyDeletexxxx
LOL... I just had to read your post to my husband... I loved the scene 1 act 1 bit... hahaha... look at him... I bet you melt when he does come to you...:) Thank you for making me laugh.
ReplyDeleteYep. Sounds like a cat to me.
ReplyDeleteHonest writing. Tell Norbert I said hi and tell him to "get with the program. No more straying outside."
ReplyDeleteGood relief for you, I think, and I'm laughing too.
OH.MY.GOD. I laughed so ridiculously hard at that whole Norbert thing!!! I love love love me some Norbert!! You are such a blessing to my every morning, lady. You hit a home run on that post!!!
ReplyDeleteChin up, strong big hugs, and march on.
Lol how funny! Yes I can just picture this scene. xx Thank you for the smiles.
ReplyDeleteohmygod, i am laughing so hard it feels so good. thank you. oh, there must be a tremendous lesson in here for you. i laugh some more. even underneath the words, he has ear mites now, i think you know he is living.:)
ReplyDeleteoh! joy!
xo
erin
Yeah, Norbett is checking out the whole territory, and enjoying every bit of it. You, you worry too much. That cat is "living", as Erin remarked.
ReplyDeleteI think it's very sweet that someone named Diane in Australia knew of your loss wanted you to know that she was thinking of you. I hope that it brought you some comfort, even if you don't know her personally.
ReplyDelete(Very likely someone who used to know your Mom.)
Kitty cats are very independent, aren't they? :-)
:D But where would we be without those ungrateful bastards in our lives?
ReplyDelete