When I started blogging about my mom's last stages of living I didn't consider that this blog would now become about grieving. I am tired of all of it. I just packed up a big box of stuff including all the sympathy cards because I don't want to think about this for another second. I am also waiting for the other shoe to fall because actually, I don't feel that bad. I was feeling angry this evening for having to send thank you cards to people that sent flowers. I am also just feeling relieved that she is no longer sick. My dad and I were so tired. We cared for her for a long time. It seems we are too tired to grieve. And when I do grieve I feel guilty.
Maybe you could set yourself a finite period of time each day to grieve and then feel you have done enough for the day. Then rest.
ReplyDeleteYou are emotionally and physically spent. Don't expect to bounce back right away. You will find out, over the coming weeks and months, what your new "Normal" is to be. We will follow your journey.
ReplyDeletei haven't lost a parent... i cannot imagine the feelings of that... but i would imagine that you and your dad are tired... very tired... it's been a long journey for you.
ReplyDeletemaybe some of what you are feeling is a sense of relief? that it is over, she is no longer in pain... that you can now move forward once again... it's okay to be relieved or even happy...
i think people grieve in very different ways... no two people view life and death in the same manner, and no two people grieve in the same ways...
whatever your path through this time is, you will find and explore it... just don't feel guilty about any of it, past or present... you did and continue to do everything you can for others... that is obvious
Don't feel guilty for the way you feel. Grief is going to hang around for a very long while. Some days you may not feel it and others it will be unbearable. Just ride it out and know that it's normal.
ReplyDeleteSelfishly, I look forward to your posts about your ungrateful bastard cat and how things are going in the new house. And what about a wedding?
Slowly free yourself Dom this guilt that haunts you and wears you down and be sure that you have done everything a loving caring daughter would do. You were there with her the whole way. You have done exceptionally well.
ReplyDeleteBirdie, I am supporting and acknowledging you and your grief because I don't know how to help comfort you during this time.
ReplyDeleteI haven't lost a parent, but I did loose a best friend after a loooong illness. Sometimes we do most of our grieving during that letting go phase. After Sally died I felt only relief for a long time and then pain when I realised she was irreplaceable as a friend. But what I'm trying to say is that grief is not a 1 2 3 thing, it takes it's own meandering path....
ReplyDeleteGrieve as if it were your job. Sleep as if it were your job. Comfort yourself as if it were your job. Do whatever you need to do now, feel however you need to feel- this IS your job.
ReplyDeleteAre you Catholic? Jewish?? What's with the guilt? Grieve if you feel like it. Grieve for a week...a year... a decade...you lost your mom! You are normal! Normal!
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