Saturday, December 14, 2013
Went out today for a bit to get a Christmas tree stand and run a couple of errands. It was so busy everywhere we went and I don't like crowds at the best of times. Just bring out that short amount of time made me realize just how tired I am and how hard my brain is having to work to do the simplest of tasks. It is almost like I can feel the connections in my brain not connecting. Anyway, we came home and I took an ativan then just sat on the couch and cross stitched while my husband watched the hockey game. Now it is almost time for bed and I can't wait to have my bath and then have my covers envelop me. I am feeling overwhelmed and sad today at how far I have to go to make it back to normal (for me). How long does it take to recover from a nervous breakdown? You would think I would just want my old life back but that is the last thing I want. Part of it yes, like my family and my job but all the other stuff will be waiting too and I wonder how long it will take me to get back to this state of not being able to cope with anything except the basic tasks of daily living. Right now my husband is doing so much for me and I know I am sucking him dry. Today in the mall I made him promise to stay beside me because it feels like the world is spinning out of control if he is not there. I am so scared that I am going to end up in that black place again. The real world is waiting. I wonder what my other options are. Going on disability? I love my job and don't want to do that. Something has got to give though. I know I need to take one day at a time but I also know I need to plan. But my brain is too fried to plan even tomorrow. Too tired to proofread this so I hope it makes sense. A million hugs to all of you that keep coming back to my blog with your words of love and encouragement.
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Sometimes one day at a time is too much. Take as much time as you need, and be kind to yourself. As kind as you would be to someone else going through your current hell.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
Birdie. Rest.
ReplyDeleteDon't think about how far you have to go; think about how far you've come, how strong and able and courageous you are, and how much stronger you'll be after this passes! Have a good, peaceful rest, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI am here again with love and encouragement.
ReplyDeleteThe distance you have already travelled from that dark place is much further than you still have to go. Believe me. It's just that you're tired and it seems like you have much further still ahead.
ReplyDeleteThere will be plenty of time for planning when you have more strength. For now, just try to extract as much happy as you can from each day.
Try to take one step at a time. When you feel ready you will know what to do. xx
ReplyDeleteAwwww sweetie. Lots more hugs and love back to you.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard, I know. But you will get through it. Look at me, I make fun of my craziness everyday. I have to or else, and I don't like the thought of the "else". Making my friends and myself laugh helps keep me sane.
Just take one day at a time -- the future will resolve itself!
ReplyDeleteYour body is telling you exactly what you need to do right now. Listen to it. Rest, relax, do cross stitch.
ReplyDeleteIf you can't make decisions, don't make any. It would be counter-productive for you to try when you feel unable. This will pass and you'll be making your usual intelligent choices as needed.
For now, just decide what colour thread to use next.. and which bubble bath. That's okay to be there.
Glad things are slowly getting better...
ReplyDeleteTake all the time you need♥
Cheers!
Linda :o)
How long does it take? I don't remember for me...but I remember that it happened. Getting out at all when you're with the black dog is a major achievement. Remember that :)
ReplyDeleteJust a day at a time, Birdie. And each day things will be a little better. You'll get to a point where you won't feel so overwhelmed anymore.
ReplyDelete