Today has probably been the worst day I have had so far. I stayed in bed all day and either slept or cried. All I managed to do is get my kids to school and pick them up. I can't even describe how low I feel. Probably even lower than last week. How is that possible? My husband can't deal with my moods anymore and went to hotel last night. I understand this. I am not an easy person to live with. Every thought I have is negative. Every breath I take hurts me physically. I can't eat. I have nothing to offer anyone. I just want to be out of this pain.
I thank you for all the offers of help but I just can't do it right now. I do appreciate every one of you.
Hugs. I do hope that what you can't do at the moment is respond to us.
ReplyDeleteLook after yourself as best you can. Your needs are priority number one, two and three.
You are much loved.
I'm so sorry. I wish I could come over and kick that black dog to the curb for you.
ReplyDeleteThe picture of Norbert on your blog always makes me smile. If all else fails watch cat videos all day on youtube.
Don't you dare kill yourself Birdie. Your kids still need you. The pain will pass. I remember how it felt, I thought it would never stop but it did. It's possible. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could come over there and kick your husband. What happened to 'for better or worse - in sickness and in health' ? It really wouldn't have hurt him to take the kids to school and give you a break.
ReplyDeleteCall your therapist. NOW please!
Hugs and blessings to you today and every day.
ReplyDeleteWe are here. That's not much but we are here and you have got to get help.
ReplyDeletePlease hang on. Even if every breath is painful, keep taking them.
Things WILL get better. I am proof of that.
Oh dear. I agree with morningAJ. Better or worse, sickness and health. Whatever though, this isn't about him, this is about you.
ReplyDeleteCrying. Is it a good sign that you are? I mean, crying means you're in touch with your feelings of sadness, right? Please hang on Birdie. Please? This world needs you.
Get yourself to the hospital today. Insist they hear you. Surely to god there is someone who can be an advocate for you and stand with you to ensure someone listens?! Could your new meds be making you feel worse? Is it the combination? Jesus H Christ, I wish I was your neighbor instead of that hammering dude.
Birdie, you MUST get the meds straightened out! I believe that is the core to all right now! If you have to go to the hospital to detox from everything and then start all over then do it!
ReplyDeleteWhile it is one of the very last things you might think you would want to do right now, please consider hospitalization. Detoxing from meds can make things seem so much worse.
ReplyDeleteAnd your kids still need you. It may not seem like they do, but losing a parent, regardless of your age, is beyond devastating. If you can't find the strength to hang on for yourself, do it for them. I know you know what it is like to lose a mom (sorry if that seems harsh).
Call a friend. That's what they're for. She or he will be there to get you through this.
ReplyDeleteWhether or not you have someone available right now call your therapist. Let the receptionist know the urgency of your situation. Don't wait more than a couple of hours for a return call before you call again.
And in the meantime (on a different phone if you have more than one number) call a suicide hotline.
Whomever you talk to, make sure they know exactly how you're thinking. Don't dance around the word suicidal. People (family and friends, mostly) too easily want to believe it's not that bad. If it IS that bad, they need to know.
This will pass. You will get better. Life will be sweet again. Make that your mantra. And believe it.
And stay in touch with us, here. Yours wouldn't be the first blog to act as a lifeline.
You're loved, needed and very important to many.
Hugs to you.
You got your kids to school and picked them up. Through all of that and you looked after those kids. They will keep you going Birdie. I agree with all of those gunning for your husband. We are here when this all passes and those medical people help you with your meds and the therapy gets going. Hang on to life. You are needed and loved and very worthwhile. xx
ReplyDeleteBirdie,
ReplyDeleteDon't wait for a phone call for help. Go to the Doctors off as soon as possible. Demand to talk to the therapist! Don't give up!!!!
Hugs and prayers are for you.
Betty
It's OK. We'll be here. Getting out of the house is a huge accomplishment!
ReplyDelete