Two Zero One Four.
2
0
1
4
My god. Have I really made it? Only 9 hours left so it appears so. I am on a wee upswing. I went to Costco today, fucking Costco people and I did not freak out or cry. My daughter and I each got an (800 calorie) hot dog and sat in the car afterwards. To top it off the car in the space ahead of me pulled out so I moved forward into that space so when I left I didn't have to back out. Small blessings. I will write that one in my gratitude tonight.
And tonight...because I was just too unwell to do it on the 21st I will burn my Solstice box. It is pretty crammed full of crap I need to let go of. In reality I will still struggle with the weight of the world but the symbolism is there. And that is good.
The last month has been hell. The most honest-to-god hell I have ever been through. I don't to want to even think on it but then what? A still hurting and damaged me that is back where she started. What are the words to that song, Just Breathe?
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.
I am staying home tonight. My bless-ed home. The people I love the most are here. What more could I ask? From there? A wee tentative step forward and maybe a half-step back. Tomorrow is not just another day but another year. And so, we move forward.
Happy New Year, my friends.
Happy New Year Birdie!
ReplyDeleteMay your New Year bring many wonderful surprises and may that black dog move on and never return!
ReplyDeleteAnd now, Birdie, you are reminding me that I can get through this. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteFuck it's hard.
It was great to read such an upbeat post. Surround yourself with you family, one big human cluster-hug. Let this new year bring you hope, happiness, or whatever is closest to both of those things as possible.
ReplyDeleteHere's to continued steps forward, in 2014. Always keep moving forward, as I know you can. Cheers and boogie boogie.
ReplyDeleteYou survived Costco. You must give yourself a pat on the back. Well done :)
ReplyDeleteDespite it all, you are surrounded by loved ones. A wonderful way to embrace 2014 with renewed hope, dear friend.
And I'm typing from 2014. It's all good.
Gary :)
So glad to hear that the world is a bit brighter for you, Birdie! Light up the sky tonight with your Solstice Box! Best wishes for 2014, dear friend.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are moving forward, I know how hard that is! And I don't think I could go to Costco on a GOOD DAY and not cry or scream at people, so good on you!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year. Health and happiness, love and laughter this year, and all the years to come.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
Here's to wishing you a much better and brighter 2014! I'm rooting for you to overcome the depression, to make it through the hell you've been in.
ReplyDeleteMay 2014 bring you peace and happiness. XOXO
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Birdie. Hope it proves to be a much better one for you. Gill x
ReplyDeleteHAPPY New Year.
ReplyDelete:)
Happy New Year Birdie. I love that song too, played it a lot that horrible year when I left my husband.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs and wishes for a calm, peaceful, contented new year, for you and for me:)
Welcome to 2014!
ReplyDeleteHappy new year Birdie. So glad to see you back.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, Birdie. This is encouraging to read. And just so you know it, though you probably don't realize it, your post is helping me through something too.. at least in part. I thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Barb...♥
ReplyDeleteCheers!
Linda :o)
Happy New Year, girl! This will be your year. You just wait and see :) Peace, joy and good health to you!
ReplyDeleteBaby steps....on foot in front of the other....
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year to you, too. I guess one of the better things to do this new year is to count your blessings everyday. Yes, you are blessed ^_^
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year. Glad you see you about and to hear about your new medication! Be back soon. Rather hectic around here still - one thing after another. Must find the way forward with my blog. xx
ReplyDelete