Anyway... I waited all day for my new therapist to call and she didn't. Why am I not surprised? If I did not have my family support I would not be here to write this. When you get discharged from the hospital and get told to follow up with your family doctor and given a slip of a paper with a anti-depressant medication. You feel completely lost and overwhelmed. I see now why so many people attempt to kill themselves then try again. And I tell you, all this written honesty is gut wrenching . This does not feel good. I wonder if anyone will ever read this will find it helpful? I am thinking about deleting these last few posts.
Did some housework today. The cross stitch keeps me centered. I am now making a roast with roasted potatoes. Tomorrow I will try again to get in touch with a therapist.
By the way, this is a great book.
Did you get my email????
ReplyDeleteThinking of you....
Sadly, with medical help and so many other kinds of services, we have to be our own advocate. Do try again tomorrow, Birdie. And don't feel too guilty about your reaction to the "Whatever." That can be infuriating and they know exactly what they're doing when they say it. She deserved the walk. It probably gave you both some time to cool down.
ReplyDeleteKeep on stitching. What is the design, by the way?
Walking home probably gave you both much needed space. She yanked your chain she paid the price. You don't need to.
ReplyDeleteTry and find a therapist again tomorrow. Do whatever you can - for you.
Hugs.
Please don't delete the last few posts. I appreciate your honesty about your struggles. I don't think I'm the only one.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you will choose to blog once a week or more erratically. That's okay. It may become therapeutic in time.
No worries. Take care of you.
That's a great book to be reading now -- I hope it gives you faith and hope that things will improve.
ReplyDeleteThings will improve.
ReplyDeleteIf I got the kids to walk home every time they pissed me off they'd never have a lift again! Maybe I should try it.
Seriously, thinking of you.
O Birdie.. I'm just back from my trip and catching up on blog reading now. I'm so sorry to learn about what you've been going through. I've dealt with postpartum depression in the past and have some understanding of what you're experiencing. For me, it was really God, my faith, and the support of my family that got me through. It can be intolerable when you have to deal with people who don't understand or who are callous and tell you to "snap out of it". It takes time, and for me, personal epiphanies and experience with God. One of my favourite Bible verses is "He sends forth His word and heals them and rescues them from the pit and destruction". I would change the word "them" to "me" t when I meditated on it. Depression really is like a pit, isn't it. I really had to actively, consciously rewire my thinking and attitudes. Hang in there, dear friend -- keep busy, keep doing things you love, eat well, surround yourself with beauty and happy people. You are in my prayers *hugs*
ReplyDeletep.s. Have you tried rhodiola? It is commonly used in traditional Chinese medicine and modern studies have found that it can be helpful with insomnia, headache, fatigue and depression.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.prevention.com/mind-body/emotional-health/natural-cures-depression-rhodiola-rosea
Glad you've found a book that resonates with you right now Birdie x
ReplyDeletePull out the positives:
ReplyDelete1. "If I did not have my family support I would not be here to write this."
2. "Did some housework today."
3. "The cross stitch keeps me centered".
4. "I am now making a roast with roasted potatoes."
5. "By the way, this is a great book."
You have the soul of a survivor.
It's not going to kill your daughter to walk home, she was disrespectful. You don't get a ride when you're disrespectful.
ReplyDeleteHang on Birdie. Please.
One day at a time, girl; that's all you need to do. And when you don't know what to blog about, say it with a single photo, or a music video. Sometimes those ways of expressing ourselves speak volumes.
ReplyDeleteIt was surprising to read that you don't find writing this out as beneficial. Sharing your story, writing with honesty, getting the feedback of all these strangers who are supportive of you and your struggles. Hopefully you find strength in those of us who are sharing your journey.
ReplyDeleteNo, Birdie please DON'T delete anything! In fact, please keep writing so long as you feel able.
ReplyDeleteAs somebody who also has to manage living with the black dog, your writing style - utter honesty combined with an ironic sense of humour and turn of phrase - is a pleasure to read, even when things are clearly very difficult. I think a lot of readers identify with you, as I do.
You have a wry sense of humour which I love. Let's face it, there are times when if we didn't laugh we'd die crying. Love it that Norbert is called The Ungrateful Bastard, for example, always makes me chuckle.
When I go downhill I can't write at all (you may notice big chunks of non-posting on my blog) so I appreciate how hard it can be. Know that we all love you.
I've been away from the blogosphere for awhile, and I'm so sorry I missed your previous posts. Please don't delete them. They not only will serve as guideposts for others, eventually they will also be a reminder to you of how far you've come.
ReplyDeleteYou helped me through a very bad time in my life. I want you to know that I'm here to offer the same to you. Please let me know if there's anything I can do. I'm here and thinking of you.
The world would be a much darker place without your light.
xo
Dawn
You do what feels right for you. I must admit that I find your writing through this and all the rest(hugs) in the honest and humourous way you do, addictive. You see I don't have the courage you do. I wish I could write so honestly about my life. It makes me feel too vulnerable. I retreat and don't write. You are certainly helping many of us who identify with this awful black dog but cannot write about it in the way you do. However. That does not mean you must write for us. If it helps you then write. I think it would help me to write everyday if only I could find the courage not to mention the time. Oh and your daughter.....she will be fine and you are a great mum. xx
ReplyDeleteSince I'm a feelings barfer, I'm voting for you to write it all out. But we're all different. Do what you feel is right.
ReplyDeleteDid you get my email? I'm still waiting for a text! :)
Google WestJet Christmas video if you haven't had your cockles warmed lately, that ought to do it. Anyway, it's quite the video.