Cancer

 I hesitated to share such intimate photos from two posts back and didn't know how they would be received.  However, she is still living.  She is worth celebrating.  These photos are not about dying but the last stages of living.  They are about celebrating life.  They are photos about a love so pure that no words can capture. They are about new love and about mature love.  They are proof that love never dies.    


I am so tired.  I have never felt this drained and hopeless.  My fingers are heavy and have trouble finding the right keys to type this post.  I tried to nap this afternoon but rest came like a demon and caused panic and anxiety.  Dreams of a world without my mom, no god, no afterlife.  Dreams of such emptiness that I could not even cry.


My mom talks now of wanting to die.  She begs us to let her die.  There is no solace or comfort for her.  My dad's personality sinks further away into the blackness  daily.  I struggle to remember who I am.  I resent my brother who does nothing.  


My thoughts are scattered and there is no smile on my face today.  I struggle to take a breath.  I am not hungry.  I am shaking.  


Now it is time to go back to the hospital to watch cancer cover us all in its inky blackness and steal away my mom.


Yes, this is cancer and what it has done to our family.