Right now posting is taking its toll on me. I find my thoughts are enshrouded by a fog so I will do my best to say what is going on. I had last posted about all the things that were medically happening to my mom. I want to say that all the tubes and five ports (there are six now) are only for her comfort. Nothing that is meant to extend her life. We have a state of the art palliative ward here that is staffed by highly trained staff and Hospice volunteers. She is in a good and safe place. She is not in any pain.
She has not opened her eyes in two days now. The tube in her throat was removed this morning and we are hoping there will be no more vomiting. That is unlikely as she has not taken anything in. Intravenous fluids are not given in palliative care as it causes complications and only extends life which we do not want to do now. I signed papers yesterday to donate her eyes (no other organs can be taken because the cancer is everywhere) and to choose a funeral home. That is all I can come up with right now.
I am getting a cold. I am sore. My muscles and joints ache. I put on the flannel bed sheets this evening. I am going to have a hot bath with Epsom salts.
PS- I can't begin to express how much your comments mean to me. Watching someone you love in the last stages of living is a horrible yet precious time. Your caring and love is coming through to me. I thank you for that. Namaste my friends.
You are so brave and at the same time thoughtful to donate your mother's eyes... may the person(s) who received them sees the world and its people as beautifully as your mother did... may they honor her memory by always looking at the bright side of everything.... she is an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteMuch love and thoughts Barbara...
Take care Birdie. I have no words to ease your suffering. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteI've been where you are, I know what it's like. It is so hard.
ReplyDeleteI swear to you, though- there are going to be blessings. You will know them when they come.
And I know this like I know that the sun comes up in the morning.
Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteJust sending warm, caring hugs your way. Look after yourself. You're much stronger than you think.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Birdie
ReplyDeleteperhaps your mom's suffering - is she is suffering - will soon be over.
Your suffering will begin in earnest then. But your attitude is so brave and so sensible, that I can only hope that your pain will be bearable.
Very best wishes to you and your family.
I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my prayers as is your precious mom. I am so sorry that I can not be of more help.
ReplyDeleteMay your mother find ease and may you as well. Love and blessings your way.
ReplyDeleteDearest Birdie,
ReplyDeleteEven though I am on a blogging break, I just had to check in on you. I think of you often.
You will make it through this last stage. It won't be easy, but the worst part is behind you now. There is no more pain in your mother's world, only in your own. You'll have tears and more tears until they just won't come; you'll have numbness; you'll wish it was just OVER and you'll feel guilty for wishing that. Then you'll feel guilty for wishing anything BUT that.
You've done everything you can do for your mother. Now you must take care of yourself.
It may be of small comfort right now, but your diary of late is important for so many reasons. You are spilling your innermost thoughts to the world, to people who may be going through the same thing, to people who WILL be going through the same thing. Some people can't put their feelings into words, so they will find their voice through your words. It will let them know they are not alone, that the feelings they have are normal. You'll provide comfort to others who are suffering just as you have done.
Love to you,
Ethelmae
Oh I'm so sad reading this - I find it very hard to read your blog. But you are wonderful, and I am sure your Mom knows all you are doing for her. And I am so glad she isn't in pain...
ReplyDeleteBig hugs
xxx
Hi Birdie .. my thoughts are with you .. blogging should be the least of your worries, except if it helps to express some thoughts .. your experience is not easy .. with a huge big hug - Hilary
ReplyDelete