Today we met with a lady from the funeral home to make pre-arrangements and I wanted to punch her out. My mom expressed her wishes weeks back. Direct cremation. No embalming. No viewing. No body or ashes at the service. A simple urn. No burial but her ashes to be spread when my dad dies. This woman pushed and pushed ideas at us. No, we do not want a viewing! No, we don't want to rent a casket! No, we do not want her ashes at the service and no fucking way do I want a more expensive urn so I can put her ashes on my fucking mantle. She kept repeating over and over the so-called services of the funeral home. And are you fucking kidding me? Three dollars EACH for an order of service? Three dollars! So if 200 people come to her service that would be $600.00? It is a piece of fucking paper. Are you seriously sitting here and trying to make me feel bad about not wanting to spend $20, 000 on a fucking service for my mom? Well you did it. I feel terrible. I feel disloyal and like I am not honouring my mom.
Meanwhile, my mom was down the hall in bed. All she does is breathe now. And I watch her and I miss her already. And I hate the funeral home lady. I hate her. It is a deep inside hate and anger boils in a place that I didn't know existed.
Sounds as if the Funeral home lady should instead be working with used cars.
ReplyDeleteOh dear. That is a reality that is sinister and ugly and I am truly sorry you experienced it.
ReplyDeleteThat is the sort of thing which gives funeral homes a very bad name. And rightfully so.
ReplyDeleteNo. It should not bankrupt a family to have a simple service and a cremation. And you don't have to buy any of their urns. I bought a ginger jar with a bird on the lid for my sister-in-law's ashes. It cost almost nothing. It was beautiful.
And right now, you are hating death and that woman is death's representative in your mind. She should be aware of that and mindful of your deep and open emotions right now.
Sending my sister thoughts to you. That is all I have to offer. I remember these feelings, and nothing can be said to make it any easier. You will make it through, sister. Go out and feel the sun, take a deep breath, and keep on living.
ReplyDeleteBirdie -- it is the funeral home that is making you feel guilty and that is what they want to do so they can improve their profits. Redirect your anger to what your mom truly wanted -- cremation and feel good that you are carrying out her wishes. -- barbara
ReplyDeleteUnless you've signed something, you don't need to stick with this particular funeral home either. I wouldn't. I had a similar experience when my mother died. I had no choice due to religious factor - they were the only game in town. Every other funeral planning of which I've been a part, has been nothing but kind, considerate and non-judgemental. Certainly, this is their business and they want to make money but so does every other funeral home and many of them do it with class and compassion. I'm sorry you're going through this.
ReplyDeleteOoops... that last comment was mine. I was signed in on Frank's account by mistake.. I'm at his place.
ReplyDeletei am sorry you had to deal with such a miserable person. you need to be supported during this time. my thoughts are with you
ReplyDeletelisa
Hi Birdie .. just simply not fair - if you were at the Hospice - I think you should notify them of what's happened .. that's just not on.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely hope you can resolve and go elsewhere to a Parlour who will look after all your wishes, regardless of the $ signs ..
My thoughts are with you, your mother and the family ..
Be at peace .. Hilary
Under normal circumstances, I would say redirect your anger, turn it into something positive. But no, you need that anger, and this lady is just asking for it. She's a vulture. And vultures are the low life of the earth.
ReplyDeleteI guess like everyone else, they're in business just for the money. Pity. Vulture Lady has the opportunity to offer compassion and reason and at the very least, honor your mother's requests; instead she chooses to fleece you for every last dollar.
I'd take my business lesewhere if that's an option. And I'd be sure to let the new place know exactly WHY you were disatisfied with the other.
Sorry, but most of them are fuckers that try to milk the bereaved. My poor brother paid a small fortune to have my mom cremated. I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteAh ethelmaepotter!... it is not kind to give vultures such a bad name by associating them with this scummy scavenger of death benefits; vultures do NOT charge more when they arrive to clean up the dead. Sounds like she is working on commission - horrible! So sorry you had to go through this, BIrdie.
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