My mom seems to have stabilized which is a good thing but she is still in total denial about her dying. She says the doctor made a mistake. When I go to visit I come home crying like I have never cried in my life. Physically, I have this low grade fever, sore throat and achy body but it never progresses to anything. I know I am getting depressed as all I want to do is sleep. Getting up in the morning is hell. Sleep is where I don't have to deal with anything. My own form of denial I guess. Well, this is a short post. I think I should go see about that nap before I have to go to work.
Namaste
And an update - I went to see my doctor today and apparently they had me down for 10:00 not 11:40. I called yesterday to confirm the time! I would never have made an appointment for 10:00 because I work at that time. I am usually wrong about things but I know I was right about this. The receptionist was insistent that the mistake was mine. Now I have to wait until Monday. I have already waited for five months; what is a few more days?
I have another showing tomorrow which is kind of a waste of time because in theory my place is already sold. The home inspector comes tomorrow as well so I have had to once again clean my place so it is show room clean and tidy. God grant me patience! I don't live like this! I like my books out. I like my things around me. I like not making my bed. I don't want to empty the bathroom waste baskets every day. I don't want to always be doing laundry. I was not meant to be a perfectionist. Norbert is going to have a total cat meltdown if he has to go in his crate one more time. The poor baby.
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I loved the Berenstain Bears books when I was young. Children's books have an undeniable truth to them. Hopefully the doctor will be able to offer you something to feel better. My thoughts are still with your mother and family.
ReplyDeletei recently discovered your blog and had to follow! i am sorry things are so difficult right now. i am a Reiki Master as of last year. My kids, 9 and 11, also know Reiki. If it is okay, we would love to send you and your mother love and light!
ReplyDeletelisa
I hope you get answers and peace. what a tough bunch of situations. My heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteBirdie, hang in there. I'm not on your shoes but I can only offer few words of encouragement and the hope that you can change into happier and healthier shoes soon.
ReplyDeleteCon Carinos,
OK, total panic attack here! You've got to tidy to show home standard?!?! Breathe Lorna, breathe, you haven't got to tidy. Phew that's better.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely, 100% NOT a tidy person, nor are the 5 kids or Mike, so I dread anyone having to come round to judge my housekeeping skills, my ex husband did that hence the ex. :-)
(As for the serious bit, I wish there was a magic word to make you feel better. My verification word is drams, so multiple whiskies it is then!)
I am not a tidy person either. Hopefully when you see the Doctor they will be able to help with the depression. I too suffered in depression in the time immediately following my Mom's death.
ReplyDelete(((hugs))))
I'm reading a very good book right now about caregivers. You might find it a good read.
ReplyDelete"Passages in Caregiving" by Gail Sheehy
I love that book but can no longer read it to my daughter without crying. It's one of the books that I remember my mother reading to me.
ReplyDeleteI hope my daughter reads it to her child one day.