Personally, I am just feeling a sad numbness today. I slept most of the day. I got up to make dinner and do a bit of housework but I am going to be going to bed early tonight. My heart is physically aching. I feel like my spirit has been vacuumed out of me. Even while writing this post I have had to stop several times to rest and put my head down on my desk. I am also thinking ahead to her funeral and how I want to honour her but nothing I could do or say could ever come close to that. She is an amazing woman. I believe we all learn many lessons in this life but one lesson she never had to learn was loving and giving abundantly of herself. Anyone who ever met her knew this. Our world is going to be less one amazing and truly giving person. I don't understand why God takes the beautiful ones. Tonight I don't even want to think about why because there are no answers. It is a question that we all ask when some truly beautiful person leaves us too soon. I am glad that God is all loving and has broad shoulders because I am angry at Her right now. Even though, I still feel loved and that I am nestled tight to her bosom.
In other events, my sister's baby is still tucked safe inside her. My sister and her husband lost a baby through miscarriage this year so we want this baby to stay safe where she belongs. She is at 33 weeks now. I also ask for a safe and healthy delivery for both my sister and the baby girl inside her.
Namaste
Sending a bunch of hugs for your hurting chest. There is no greater pain than that one. xx
ReplyDeleteNo words to express what I am feeling and no words that would ease your pain... just now that you are much loved by so many around you and around the globe. Thinking of you and yours... God bless you!
ReplyDeleteI am sure that nothing helps right now. Sending thoughts. All this might help later. Holding wishes for your family, your sister and her baby.
ReplyDeleteWhen my sister was in home hospice just a few days before her death, I wanted to say goodbye to her and tell her all the things in my heart I wanted her to know and take with her.. I began to tell her how much she meant to me during my whole life and all those words you speak at this time to someone who has been a constant, loving presence in your life is parting. I had succeeded in saying three or four words before she said - stop! you're going to make me cry". That was denial and fear. And the hardest part was that there was no way to bring her comfort or ease or relief.
ReplyDeleteWhat I should have done was to it with her but bring up memories of funny memories and just speak about our life in the same way we would always do, just sitting around with some tea.
For so many months before, watching her leave this life, I was angry that she wouldn't take comfort in speaking about what she was feeling, or thinking - knowing that if she took my cue, it might be, yes, would be easier for her. But I was wrong. It was her death. Not mine.
This was my experience. Not quite the same situation you are in, but I do so undertand not being able to say goodbye to your mom. Remember that you are tucked away in so many hearts, just as your sister's baby is tucked away loved, safe & sound.