Tired but OK

I am still in crisis housing but I am going home tomorrow.  I am still so tired but feeling like I am able to manage my life a little better than a few days ago.  As it always is with me, I wait until it gets to be too much.  I think back on the last couple of months and see that a breakdown was coming.  My mom is gone forever and my (step) dad is on the planet but I am never see him.  He promised me that last time I saw him that he would at least give me a a phone call if he was to leave town but he didn't.  Instead I had to go by his house and found my drunken drug addicted uncle there with some man I don't even know.  My dad is gone and some man is in my mom's house using her things and sleeping in her bed.  The house is wide open because both men are too drunk to think of locking the windows and doors.  To me, it feels like the house is being desecrated and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.  

What happened to my family?  I used to see my family all the time.  My brother, sister and I (with our kids) would all turn up at my mom and dad's house on the weekend and have dinner.  We roasted marshmallows and hot dogs over a fire.  We walked to the beach and went swimming.  We were so close.  Out of all the people I knew, my family was the closest.  People used to look at us in awe and wondered how we did it. The day my mom died it all changed.  My dad is now a stranger.  And I can't even go inside my mom's home because the drunk is there.  I can't say anything to my dad because he thinks the sun rises and sets on his brother (my uncle).  The real fucking clincher is that I can't even go the cabin that my mom and dad were building because the drunken uncle's children are there.  (6 children from 4 different women.)  They are also addicts and drunks.  My uncle is letting one of his ex-wives stay there.  And does my dad do anything about it? No!  The cabin was supposed to be for my mom and dad and us kids.  Ya, right.  The old saying, "my mom would roll over in her grave". One of the saddest things is my kids are asking me why they never see Papa anymore. My daughter told me the other day she feels abandoned.  What am I supposed to say to that? 

I have tried to be patient but I have had enough.  The next time I can get into the house I am going in and taking anything that is my mom's because knowing my uncle's past, it will be destroyed. The realization is coming to me that maybe my step-dad just wants to move on with his life. It hurts just as much as losing my mom but it has been almost a year.  I miss my family.  The one thing that I counted on has failed.  

Anyway,  I am not sure where all this came from because I was only going to say hello and thank you for all the comments and you got some verbal diarrhea instead.  I usually try to respond to all your comments but I am just to tired right now.  So instead, I will say thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I love you all. 

I am off to bed.