I was just looking over at my "Followers" list and it says 124. That is not possible. I think there are people that say they are following you just so you will follow them. So, who really is reading this blog? Please say hello if you haven't before!
There is a certain way the light shines on my carpet and reflects on my counter tops that reminds me of this time last year. I stare at the light and wonder if it holds a portal to another time. Last year on this day I drove in an ambulance that took my mom to Palliative care. But the memory of the way the light hits my carpet and counter-tops makes my breath heavy and brings along a melancholy mood. I try to turn of different lights to to chase away the shadows that remind. It doesn't work. The day she went into Palliative care she was so decisive. She had a list of things she wanted to bring. Pillow. Pink robe. Purple blanket. Glasses. Toothbrush. There are not a lot of things you need to take with you to die. Near the end the glasses gave her headaches and brushing her teeth made her tired. The robe hung in the back of the door as a mockery that she would no longer be getting out of bed. I ended up taking it home. Then, the blanket was tossed aside. Too heavy and it hurt her frail body. So it was just her pillow that saw her through to the end. Her pillow.
Geez, I didn't mean to make this such a sombre post but the light tonight. It forced itself upon me and made me remember.
The pink dogwood is more than pretty, and a lovely remembrance of your mother. Here on Mothers' and Fathers' day we are encouraged to plant trees to remember those we have lost. And I cannot think of a better way.
ReplyDeleteI think that planting a tree is a beautiful way to commemorate life. You've chosen a beauty with which to honour your mom.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm a new follower, but I'm definitely reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of planting a tree for your mom. And a Dogwood, no less, which is gorgeous.
Anniversaries are the hardest. I love the idea of planting a tree for your mother. Perhaps you could plant one that blooms at the time of year when she died, too. Maybe one that blooms around her birthday too? I like the idea of lots of Mama-Trees.
ReplyDeleteLove the tree planting! What a gift it will be to look at in bloom. I hope it's blossoms are a reminder to the great memories you have of her and always give you joy when you see them!
ReplyDeleteI had a weird sleep too last night. Dreamed of dogs and wolves and friends. Left me feeling grouchy this morning. :(
I have a lot of those 'unslept' nights too.
ReplyDeleteI always read and comment on my followers posts. I have to agree with you though, even though they follow, many do not comment or read.
I don't think I added myself as a follower...but I am a devoted reader :o) and a commentor...
ReplyDeleteI have a few who joined...and then you never hear from them again...how queer is that??? Why bother?? Why not just read and go???
I get kinda pissed at people who read and don't comment...
because I have that feedjit thingy..that shows me where people come from...not the peoples names..just their city...and I have MANY who never comment...and I have no idea who they are?!
But....I love that you visit..and always comment...you make me laugh...
Lovely idea about the Dogwood..
Chin up...we all love you..
Cheers!
Linda :o)
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ReplyDeleteThe blog follower's list is a debated topic
ReplyDeletePutting back the empty jug in the refrigerator is classic
I like the pink Dogwood.
I wanted to honor my mother and release my book on the anniversary of her..., but I'll do something else instead.
Do the people you work with remind you of your mother's illness? I want to volunteer in a palliative care unit for people with cancer or HIV.
I'm a follower and love visiting your blog...The pink Dogwood is a lovely tribute to your Mother...As for followers on a blog...followers on my blog haven't made comments in a very long time ...not sure what is up with that...
ReplyDelete~~Blessings~~
We have an organisation over here called the Woodland Trust and they plant trees to make new woodlands and replace old ones. They'll plant them in memory of people on your behalf and my dad now has three clumps of three in various parts of the country that meant something to him. I think the tree is a great idea.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! We have dogwoods down here too but most of them are white so I definitely like the pink!
ReplyDeleteFeeling 'unslept' is an incredibly accurate term for what you describe - I don't care whether it's in the dictionary or not - it sums the feeling up perfectly. I have MANY 'unslept' moments myself. I also think that the pink dogwood will be an absolutely perfect tribute to your Mother.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes,
Paula x
Each time a person I am close to, dies, I give their wife or husband a tree to plant in their garden to remember them by... I believe its much better than giving a wreath at the funeral.. trees last much much longer and give so much pleasure too.. Each year a friend I know, tells me how the rose bush is growing, the one I gave her when her husband died and its delightful to know its progress. When my own parents left me, I planted honeysuckle and roses over an archway, it is so full of blooms and scent each year, its lovely to see and smell.
ReplyDeleteYou plant that tree and you will feel so much better all along the way.. Grief takes time and even years and years after can over come you at different times.. Mine are gone for over 10 years, but a tune, a song, a poem or talking about them can still make me weepy and miss them so much.. Grief has to be lived with, so don't worry if you are feeling overwhelmed at the moment, it is all part of the road you are travelling.. Hugs from across the pond. J
Do not a follower or a silent reader be... step up and write something, anything! I have the same issues on my site... I get reports of people from Bandu Achu (or is that Achoo?) or Rumania checking in to read, but they never ever comment!
ReplyDeleteWell, you know I do, now and again... and I'm seriously unslept with my grandmotherly twin duties... so I can relate.
I like the idea of several Mama trees, too.
It's this kind of post that I appreciate my mom still being here to see usand enjoy outings and reunions with us. She's 66 and getting older. I am glad that she is still healthy even though I dislike her habit of smoking.
ReplyDeleteThey may just be eading your blog and not responding.
Huggies and Cheese,
Haopee
Sorry for the typos. It's not fun using a smartphone to respond.
DeleteYour mom sounds like she was a wonderful person. I like decisive people.
ReplyDeleteI think honoring her in that way is one of the best ways. And then you can see that tree always and think of her xoxo