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| Taking a Rest from Blogging |
My question now is when do I start thinking this is depression instead of grief? What is the difference? I am having days that are OK but I still don't really want to go out into the community. It overwhelms me.
I did manage to get dressed today. Changed the bed. Cleaned the bathroom. Cleaned the cat's litter box. Did a few loads of laundry. I am really, really tired now. I just want a hot bah then to go to bed.
Maybe instead of no longer blogging I should just take a break. I really do live for your comments. They keep me going. I go to Hospice for support but other than that I am feeling lonely. I could die right now and it would be hours before anyone even noticed. I walk around my own house and nobody talks to me. Lonely and invisible.
I don't know what else to say, I know dear reader that many of you are no longer reading because my writing is so negative and sad. I completely understand. It is hard enough in this world to get by with your own problems, never mind reading about someone else's.
So yes, a break. Maybe I will be back tomorrow or next week. I just know I need a break. I will continue to check in on all of you.
oh Barbara dear... no one stops reading your posts... you have gained more followers now than before and that is probably because it takes strength and courage to write about one's inner feelings... it will take time lovely... give yourself that time and do not feel bad about writing anything of the sort or that you walk invisible in your own home... it takes time and it has only been a short time... go easy on yourself lovely... it is not an easy time... When you feel you would like to talk to a friend face to face, schedule a time for coffee and go out... if you do not feel like it then it is ok too... if you feel like you need time away from blogging then do that... we will miss you but if you feel it will help then so be it... but only stop blogging because YOU want a break... my thoughts are with you and I am hugging you tight now... love you loads.
ReplyDeleteOh, don't stop writing! It's an outlet for your grief, which must feel very much like depression and I wonder sometimes if there is a difference. Write what you feel. Write the sadness and sorrow. We are here. We are holding you in love and prayers. Do you think you should ask the counselors at the hospice to help you evaluate whether an antidepressant would help? In the meantime keep trying to put your feelings into words. It helps them pass through instead if sitting so heavy inside you. The fact that you write here probably means you are a writer-resolver like so many of us. And you are dealing with so much right now. It's a hard time. But a breath at a time, you are making it through.
ReplyDeleteI think that situational depression needs help, as much as any other kind. Just because your life sucks, you are sad, worn out and disconnected from people doesn't mean that you accept feeling so low as justified. A year ago, I realized that every time I talked to anyone, I was always close to tears. Business, money, relationship worries and loss of our old dog,(my one friend and reason to go outside) piled on. I was sleeping irregularly and wondering where the hell I was going. I had a talk-therapy session or two and took a low dose antidepressant for a few months. The therapist helped me recognize some changes I needed to make and the pills brought me back from the edge of a dark and lonely place. I don't call it situational depression, for me it was "justifiable" depression. Either way, you don't have to stay there. I hope you find some help to feel better and know that you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteIf you need a break, take it. If you need to blog and be in touch, do it. You can decide to do one thing and then change your mind the next day, hour or minute. It's all good. Most importantly, talk to someone who can help you through your grief/depression. You are unhappy. It's overwhelming. I think English Rider has good advice. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteYou are NOT invisible. I see you. And you are beautiful!
ReplyDeleteBarbara, we are here for you and you are not invisible to us.
ReplyDeleteBut if you need a break you need a break; only you can figure out the best for yourself when it comes to blogging and I understand than even typing can become an overwhelming task.
Whatever you decide we are here for you and I just want to send you lots of positive energy and prayers so you can find your way to take care of your body and spirit.
I'll just ditto Angella. It sounds more like grief to me than depression and writing your way through it should probably help.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you.
Grief needs lots of time and space. So please don't feel the need to put a lid on it. Grief demands you talk about your loss as often and whenever you need. Your blog friends understand this well. Keep writing, keep sharing and keep in touch with bow you feel however painful it might be. It will take its time but it will pass, though not too soon, not before time. An indeterminate time that is completely idiosyncratic for you, as it is for all of us when we grieve.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't want to write here, try journalling, just for yourself, 15 minutes a night. It works, got me through a lot.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs.
Barbara,
ReplyDeletewhen my mother passed away I grieved for months. Still do after all these years, but I grieve different now. Then, I lost almost twenty pounds and didn't want to eat a bite. I cryed all the time. I finally had to shake myself back to being normal for my family. My mom, just like yours wouldn't want us to be sad. They are in heaven and we should be rejoicing that with celebration. Lets both celebrate that our moms are not hurting, suffering, feeling bad, or sick. They are perfect!
Hugs!
I think you should write when you want to and not write when you don't. Let those brave fingers of yours type out whatever it is your heart needs to say.
ReplyDeleteYou don't write for us. You have to write for you. And we will read it and we will say, "It's okay," because it is.
We will say, "We understand," because we do.
Grief is a bitch, much more intense than depression and it's not nearly as easy to 'solve'. You control so little of it and it's easy to feel defeated.
ReplyDeleteBut don't give up. You are not invisible and we have not given up on you. I understand your pain. I've been feeling terribly depressed lately and it's hard to reach out to others when you feel like you have nothing to offer but I know it's important to try.
(I've also been reading your blog on my droid and for some reason have been unable to sign in to comment. It's very frustrating.)
I think of you daily, challenging you to recover quicker than me.
I love this blog post: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
I'll be thinking of you. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you find writing your feeling relief: that's very good for the mind and heart.Your sadness is completely understandable, gradually you understand that your mother will ALWAYS be with you.
ReplyDeleteKisses. Y
Dear Barbara, I shall miss you if you do take a break. I try to get in most days to read and comment if I can. However if you are feeling you need a break then I completely respect and understand your decision. If on the other hand you find that writing helps a bit, then don't stop because you feel people don't want to read your problems! This blog is for you firstly.
ReplyDeleteBut I do thank you so much for being so honest and writing with so much love and character about your Mom's death, and life as it goes on for you. You are definitely not invisible to me! Or any of your readers I am sure. One day I will email you and thank you properly.
I feel that grief is something we are often afraid to talk about, your writing about it in the way you do, is a blessing.
As I said before, what matters is that you want to come to your blog and write in a safe place for you. If you don't, for now, then I send you love and hope that you come back soon after your break.
I often read that after a loved one has gone and the funeral is over, that is the time when people don't visit so much and the days seem empty and lonely. This is the time you are in now I suppose. Everyone getting on with life and the grieving ones still very much in shock and needing to talk.
I notice you say you are having ok days. Just go with the days, do what you feel, don't do what you don't. Try not to worry about affecting others with your sadness. Write the days either here or in a journal to keep a track and to allow the feelings and thoughts expression.
Bit rambling here as usual. Sending love and off to bed now. x
so sorry to hear you have been going through this tough time.. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeletexo
Karen
Sorry to hear this, hope the depressed moment quickly out from you..
ReplyDelete