Monday, August 05, 2013
This commercial was my bane when I was growing up. Everyday someone would say to me, "B@rbara, are you up?" It was never funny. But the ironic thing is I am up. I am always up and awake. I don't sleep at night. Anxiety grabs me in the night and suffocates. At 42, I am still afraid of the dark. Darkness engulfs me and makes it impossible to sleep. Tonight I was sleeping in the den and it is very dark in there. I woke up to go to the bathroom and couldn't get back to sleep. And of course, the Black Dog is scratching at the door. I work so hard at keeping him away and try really hard to keep my posts light and even funny but the reality is I just feel sad. Lately I feel so useless. Fat, ugly and useless. My face is covered in acne. My husband doesn't want to sleep with me. My moods are all over the place. I feel lonely.
I guess I should just go back to bed and try to sleep.
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Not being able to sleep is the worst and it makes the waking hours the worst and then you can't sleep again and...
ReplyDeleteOh darling. I know.
These things do pass but the passing-time is unbearable.
Lack of sleep certainly doesn't help! I hope you got some rest, and I wish you a better day! Be well.
ReplyDeleteI think I remember this commercial! But then I am a child of the 80s.
ReplyDeleteI remember this commercial too. Sorry to hear that anxiety and depression are stalking you again -- I hope it doesn't last too long.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you...it is a nightmare when we cant sleep. Dont feel ugly, it is the interior of a person that matters....I have to fight that good looks society that we live in...we are born the way we are
ReplyDeleteHave you talked to someone about this? I'm not saying meds are always the answer but they help for some people.
ReplyDeleteI hate having sleep problems. I have nightmares that come and go.
Good grief, Birdie...
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell is wrong?
How can someone so funny...be so sad?
Just keep hanging on. I wish I knew of something insightful and helpful to say, but I'm right there with you in the middle of the depression. You're not alone. I wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteI remember that commercial. I even started saying the words with it as it played.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry your world is dark right now. Thank you for reaching out to me on my blog with your sweet comment even while you are struggling yourself. It was very kind.
I hope you find moments of peace and joy until the clouds part again.
I am so sorry. You are not alone - but you know that, and it doesn't help on the bad days.
ReplyDeleteHeartfelt hugs.
I wish I had some words of comfort to offer you, but the best I can do is to tell you to hang in there. I'm in a dark pit myself, but I don't have problems with getting to sleep. Why don't you give the ungrateful guy a hug... hugging a cat always helps me. At least our pets don't give us a hard time when the irrational shit hits the fan. As contrary as they can be sometimes, they always seem to be there when we need them.
ReplyDeletenot being able to sleep makes everything harder, sounds like things are pretty rough right now. I hope things ease up for you soon and you can get some sleep and some peace.
ReplyDelete~Em
My mother's name is Jan, so she always gets "Not happy, Jan!"
ReplyDeleteI'm glad my name hasn't been used in something really memorable ... at least not yet.
the no sleep is making you feel worse. I know...I experience it too. And you can't just 'go to sleep', like everyone tells you to...it just doesn't work that way.
ReplyDeleteAnd then you are left the next day, unable to deal with any emotion that comes at you. I hope you get some relief soon!