And, so...
Yesterday I was reading the newspaper and found out a cousin of mine died. He was 47. For me, it is not a case of "sorry for your loss" because I had not seen him in about 25 years. The saddest part of his death was he broke his parents hearts by his addicted and drunken lifestyle. My cousin was not a nice person. He was living proof that love does not conquer all. I do not know yet how he died but my guess is either an overdose or suicide. His elderly parents have been waiting for this to happen for so long and my heart aches for them. If we do move on after death I hope he is finally finding peace. Addiction and alcoholism are nasty diseases.
When I was sitting yesterday staring into the abyss I decided to take my daughter to Coombs. Coombs is a tiny village of about 3 residents. Okay, that isn't true but it is really small and if you blink you will miss it. I did miss it in fact because my daughter and I were talking up a storm and I missed the turn-off...twice. I said, "I trust you won't mention this to anyone". The whole point of going to Coombs is the (once awesome) market. The market has goats living on the roof. It used to be a fun place to go but since they last time I was there they took away the produce section and replaced it with canned goods from all over the world. The rest of the market is full of crap Made in China that is way overpriced. It was a disappointment because the market has been there for about 40 years and it was always a fun place to go in the summer. Ah, well. Things change I guess. I did have a grand old time with my daughter and that was the whole point of the drive.
Can you believe it will be two years next month since my mom died? It seems like yesterday. It hurts still like yesterday but I suppose I have learned to live with the ache. I do have times where I cry so hard I can't breathe but more often now I just sigh. A sigh that comes deep from within with a knowing I can't do a thing about it. Which is the whole way of grief. It can hurt so bad but there is nothing we can do about it. The tree I planted in her memory is growing like a weed and is so healthy. I looked up a few days ago and noticed a new blossom. Proof that life goes on.
And my shoulder is still very sore and I might not be able to work tomorrow night. I actually think I hurt it last week moving the patient I am supposed to see tomorrow.
Hey, I've heard of that market with the goats on the roof! Sorry it's gone to hell.
ReplyDeleteI would still like to see the goats on the roof.
ReplyDeleteHope your cousin is at peace too.
I love the island! Seriously, it's one of my favorite places to go, because of places like Coombs.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your shoulder. And your cousin. And your mom. I'm happy her tree is thriving!
As the child of an alcoholic I agree - it is a very nasty disease. I am sorry for your cousin's family and hope that he and they do get some peace.
ReplyDeleteI am also sorry about the markets - and your shoulder, but love that your mother's tree is thriving.
Do you ever do anything special on that day, for your mom? Like make a dessert she loved, or watch one of her favorite movies?
ReplyDeleteAnything to celebrate her life, rather than to only feel the pain.
I'm still going to say sorry about your cousin. I agree. Alcoholism is awful. I was married to an alcoholic many years ago and it was possibly the worst time of my life (including all the childhood surgeries I went through!) But he was still a person under there, even if he got violent and dangerous toward the end. Watching someone you love destroy themselves is hell. Hugs for him mom and dad.
ReplyDelete(Glad you enjoyed your day out in spite of the crappy market.)
It's a shame little things like that market change. But as we all know, things change for the better or worse. Sorry your shoulder is causing you so much pain, dear. I do hope it gets better.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow the day after tomorrow, it will be 30 years since my father died. We buried him on my birthday. I really miss him a lot still. I really like The Happy Whisk's idea of doing something special. I think I'm going to ask my family to join me for a picnic on the lake.
ReplyDeleteI am just glad that you are blogging everyday again!!
ReplyDeleteI am also glad that you and your daughter had a laugh! That is the best!
Sorry about your cousin and his sad life...
I also like the happy whisk's idea...do something that your Mom loved...Awesome!
Too bad about your market...everything old is new again!!....too bad that doesn't apply to us old farts!!
Enjoy your day, Birdie...Hope the shoulder is better!
Cheers!
Linda :o)
I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. I knew an alcoholic that used to beat up his beautiful wife. I find it hard to feel any compassion towards him, even though I know any addiction is an illness. Oh, she's in a much better place now. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to Coombs next week, in a effort to avoid time with my family.
ReplyDeleteAlcoholism, any addiction, is a soul killer. May he rest in peace.
I hope your cousin has finally found some peace. I can't imagine it having been easy for him either in addition to the pain he caused. No one truly wants to live that way.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm happy to hear that the tree you planted for your mom is doing well. The fact that you are sighing now is good. It does get better over time. My heart still hurts over my brother and my father, but it's so much easier now.
O dear, I'm sorry about your cousin. I guess sometimes it's hard to know what drives a person to do that to themselves; I think many people like that certainly never wanted to live, or die, that way. I'm sorry too about that unfortunate market, but I think the bonding time with your daughter made it all worthwhile :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so weird though, isn't it? There's still a certain "pang" I guess is the term when you find out that someone you are related to has passed away, even if you have not known them personally or been in contact with them for a long time. I know it affected you if only a little bit because of your interest in your family's genealogy; no matter the differences, there is still that kinship with someone with whom you share the same bloodline.
ReplyDeleteI hope that things get easier for you with mourning your mom. It's still so fresh and new; you just need to give yourself time, and be patient with yourself. Everyone grieves and heals at their own pace.
Oh you wonder who would make a change like that in the market. Sometimes people can't leave well alone.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear about your sad feelings for your mum. I agree, time is a healer but it does not entirely heal, I think of mine all the time.
So much goes on, and time moves on. How things change--and don't. Sorry about the Made in China junkola. I get so sick of seeing that stuff.
ReplyDelete