Moorecroft Beach
Rocky West Coast
A Strange Rock
Someone's Handiwork
A Creepy Fucking Doll Wrapped in a Plastic Bag
The doll was at a thrift store and two ladies were looking at it saying that they felt bad for it and all it needed was a little love. First of all, it has no legs and it needs more than a little love. Second of all, that plastic bag is the only thing keeping the entire planet from Armageddon.
I also saw this picture and thought it was so funny I almost peed my pants. Which would have been a perfect case of irony. Seriously, though. My inability to hold my pee is not getting better after my surgery. It is getting worse and I am probably going to need another surgery. It pisses me off. When I have to go it comes on really sudden and I have to sit like a deer in the headlights and I can't move (or breathe) until the urge passes. Kegals do fuck all. I then have about 12 seconds to find a bathroom. There are no second chances with this bitch from nature. It is do or die. Go pee in a toilet or I will force you piss where you stand. I am however thinking of renaming my blog.
"Please Excuse the Smell of Urine"
Or not. But come on already. I have posted more than my fair share of posts about peeing myself.
Just now our weird neighbours just walked by. When God told us to love our neighbours he probably didn't mean these people. They bought the house a year ago and we are not sure if they live in the house or not. This is the same neighbor that tapped (you have to read the part about tapping for this to make sense) on old bricks for the last year. Every. Single. Day. Now he is ripping all the windows out of the house and has covered them up with leftover roofing tiles. It is a serious clusterfuck. (see definition # 2 - 5) I want to yell out, "WHY?" but that would make me the weird neighbour and I am doing my damnedest to keep that a secret.
OK, that is all. I need to go and pee.
When God told us to love our neighbours he probably didn't mean these people.
ReplyDeleteI am laughing my ass off!
I think he's got issues.
I'm sure you didn't mean the pun when you said what happened is pissing you off?
If all that doll needs is a little love, then I am a mean son of a bitch, because I don't have it in me. Not nearly enough.
ReplyDeleteLoved the rest of the scenery though.
And yes, bladder and bowel issues are beyond the pits. Quite a long way beyond.
Hoo, boy! Can I relate to those "gotta do it NOW" pee and poop urges. Sorry they've come on you at such a tender age. At least they waited until I hit 70. But, you're right... they're a bitch!
ReplyDeleteDo the urges to pee come before a hot flash? That's what happens to me sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThis is a funny post and one scary-ass doll.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, that creepy doll would give me nightmares for a week!
ReplyDeletelooks like you had a great time although i think i shall have nightmares regarding the doll in the bag!! aarrgghh xx
ReplyDeleteThis post made me laugh out loud -- particularly the baby wrapped in a plastic bag. The whole doll thing weirds me out -- always has.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I can't remember if I ever thanked you for the wonderful little books by Emily Carr. Did I? If so, then thank you again. If not, thirty lashes with a wet noodle for me. I loved the books and am so grateful that you'd do something so thoughtful and kind. They sit on my desk where I am consistently reminded of my glorious week living down the street from where Emily once roamed.
You are so right about the doll!!!
ReplyDeleteCreeeeepy!
I pee when I sneeze or laugh!
How convenient is that?!
Have a great "wet" weekend! Ha!
Cheers!
Linda :o)
Sometimes you have to let go of the creepy doll :) Just let it go.
ReplyDeleteI need to see a picture of the neighbors' house...I'm totally curious!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're feeling better.
Love that cool rock! Very unusual. :0) And that doll....best to leave it in the bag!
ReplyDeleteThanx for stopping by my blog. :0) I've enjoyed reading through your posts. I'll be back! :0)
The neighbors' windows have me wondering about him, too!
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me laugh and for the reassuring image of the plastic bag between us and Armageddon!
Hope the peeing situation improves.
Ehrmagerd, that doll reminds me of "The Conjuring" which I just saw last weekend and scared the beejeezous out of me!
ReplyDeleteAnd as far as my body betraying me in the form of expelling any sort of embarrassing excrement, yeah, I'm at the point where I'm totally over it. I've decided to embrace my senior citizenship early.
Thank you for the book recommendation; it helps me to remember that seeing my grandmother's nose when I look in the mirror is not necessarily a bad thing.
Birdie your post started off with a few interesting photos and then (of course) turned into your usual strange and funny weirdnesses. The doll AND the neighbour do seem to indicate that something peculiar is afoot indeed. Please write a book. As for the smell of urine, well I suppose it gets me used to what will be to come so thanks for that too. Seriously it stinks that your surgery did not do the trick and you have to have more. Huggles. :(
ReplyDeleteOk that doll? Um NO.
ReplyDeleteThe peeing? That really sucks. I am hoping that something changes for you regarding this! Maybe I can invent something to plug it up? The Pee Plugger!
Sorry, I hope that made you laugh!!!
Lol...I can't stop laughing....
ReplyDelete