I can't take one more day of this anxiety so I made a doctor's appointment today to see if it would be a good idea to get off my current medication (Wellbutrin) and try something else. The anxiety I am dealing with is the worst I have ever dealt with. There comes a point where I have to realize it isn't just me (though some of it is) but the medication. The doctor said that Wellbutrin actually causes anxiety. Nice. So maybe it is the medication that makes me feel like I can't take a breath without panic. Unfortunately, I have to wean off the Wellbutrin so it will be a while before I can find out what the problem is.
Al Anon today. (And I did end up going last night.) Yes, I am going to meetings almost every day. It is the only way I can get through the days that seem like weeks. When I am at a meeting I am not alone. Feeling not alone is a big deal. I think that is why so many of us blog.
I am going back to work tomorrow. And get this. I have to believe my Higher Power is at work. I do not have to sit on front of the board to explain why I feel like I am ready to go back to work. Why not? I have no idea! I just got a call to discuss how I would be going back and what was expected and not expected of me. It was that simple. The only possible explanation is it a God/Universe thing.
Tonight I am trying yet another group counseling session to deal with anger and depression. I don't really want to go because I am so tired and it is at night. Driving at night is not one of my favourite things. But, maybe it will help. I will keep you posted on this one.
That is great news about your work! I'm really happy for you. And I hope more good things come your way :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're finding someplace where you aren't so alone. You are making great strides, remember that! And yippee on the board meeting being cancelled. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteYay! I hope they find something that will work for you. I've always been so leery of meds, specifically for that reason, what if it makes it worse. Ugh. Science.
ReplyDeleteMaybe work would be good at this point. Do you have a safety net in case it's too soon?
Al Anon sounds like a big help.. and good news about work!!
ReplyDeleteWishing you well, Birdie.
ReplyDeleteI guess sooner or later karma has to be on your side. Maybe the universe thought you deserve a break. (I know we all think you do!) I'm glad work relented on the board thing. Just breathe deep and take it calmly when you go back. You CAN do it.
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That sucks about the Wellbutrin, but there's a lot of good news in this post. Great news about your work and good for you going to the Al Anon meetings. Focus on the good stuff.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried Effexor?
ReplyDeleteHi. I'm on wellbutrin too and have come to the conclusion I need to get off of it too. It helped me at first. I decided to try it because there were discussions on an anxiety forum where they were talking about how it helped stop the obsessive thoughts - worrying abut the next panic attack. It did do that at first, and I'm thankful that it helped as much as it did. It's a long story but I've been tapering myself down to a lower dose and I go to the dr in 2 weeks so I'm going to figure out a new plan then. Good luck to you and keep us posted please.
ReplyDeleteHow do I navigate to your older posts? Is it just me? IS there an obvious place to click - right in front of my face?? Ha. Help! I want to catch up! :)
ReplyDeleteI just caught up on almost two weeks of posts. I'm sorry I've been away so long, just couldn't drag myself into the real world.
ReplyDeleteI was struck reading your post about the children of alcoholics. It's so very true. To this day, I'm still the keep quiet people pleaser I was as a child. The only difference now is I'm very resentful of it. It makes me angry...
I'm glad you found Al-Anon. They are a wonderful organization, and I've known people who go to meetings 2-3 times a day. You go as often as you need to. If that's where you find your comfort and hope then go as often as you can.
Glad you're going back to work, but be safe, don't take on too much too soon.
xo
Dawn
Well I'm glad you are going back to work, hopefully that will bring some routine back to your life.
ReplyDeleteAnd well done for going to all the meetings, I'd be avoiding them all!
It is great that you don't have to worry about the boards. Higher power does look out for us eh?
ReplyDeleteGroup counseling sounds good. It helps to know that there are other people who are dealing with struggles and you are not alone:) Who knows one day you might be able to help an other person:)
I am hoping it is the medication making you feel so bad then you can get off it and move on to better things.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are able to go back to work without standing in front of that tribunal of sorts. Great things are happening. I'm so glad for you.
you do not deserve to be alone and so I am so glad that you found a group that makes you feel better, supported and heard.... hang in there my dear...you are doing well... and congratulations on your new work... God Bless
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