What to do When Your Heart Hurts

I have stopped asking what is going on in the world. Bombings and shootings. Who can begin to understand it? When all this craziness started happening when my kids were small I would watch the news and read the stories online trying to understand.  I have come to the conclusion that I will never understand.  And because all this horrible news knocks my feet out from under my solid and dependable body I have chosen to no longer try to figure it out.  As soon as I clicked on the scenes in Boston and read that a child was involved I clicked out again.  So, I put my head in the sand and it is going to stay there.  I will hug my family and tell them how much I love them.  I will read your posts of struggles and triumphs but I just can't do it anymore.  The world and all its chaos is wearing me down and a big part of my anxiety and depression.  Though I need to be somewhat informed I no longer need to know the details. 

Last night I finished my income taxes.  I am getting back but it will go out of my bank account as soon as it goes in.  Damn that but still.  It is nice to get money back.  Every night I sleep in a warm bed next to my beloved.  My children are healthy and well. My son is laughing himself silly while watching "Community". My daughter is in the backyard sitting in the grass.  My beloved is upstairs watching the hockey game and hoping that the Leafs make it to the playoffs. The cats are doing cat things. We have food.  For the love of god, we own 5 computers for 4 people.  We are so rich.  Actually, speaking of computers, I am restoring one to its original manufacturers setting because it is totally screwed. At least I do no have to send it to Calcutta.

Oh! A bird flew in our house today.  Poor wee thing. I was on the phone at the time with Elections Canada and was yelling. "There's a bird in the house! There's a bird in the house!" My husband gently ushered her out and I called the election people back.  I am volunteering this year.  It is damn good pay for one day of work! 

The weather here has been glorious. Yes, we have had rain but Spring is on its way.  It feels over the last few weeks my mother's death is lifting. Oh, I miss her more than ever before but I am slowly coming to terms the way she died.  It was awful and horrible and a part of me died watching her die. But I have to step up to the plate.  I am now, at 42 the oldest woman in my family.  In May, I am going to be a grandma! (Though that has its own set of worries and problems.) In my opinion, I am far too young to be the oldest woman in my family but that is the hand I was dealt.  My options are to fold or to continue on in the game.

I have one question for everyone.  How often do you change the sheets on your bed?  I change mine every Monday. Last week I told my husband that I think they should be changed twice a week.  Not because they are dirty but because there is nothing quite so lovely as clean sheets.