Tonight I went to see my kids in a play. The play was fantastic but I really hate crowds. Normal people sit and talk to other people during intermission. I sit in my seat during intermission staring straight ahead, praying that nobody speaks to me. At the same time I am trying to take deep breaths to ward off a panic attack. This is not normal and I know it. It is a joy and a pleasure to see my children in a play but I wish I just did not have to leave the comfort of my own home in order to do it.
It seems my anxiety is higher than normal right now. I found out I have to go back to work next week and I know I am not ready. My stitches have not even dissolved yet. Yesterday I was weeding in the garden and still cannot bend and stretch. And I am tired. Still tired. Always tired. No matter how long I sleep I am still tired. What is wrong with me?
Tomorrow I am going to try to get up in the morning and not go back to bed. Two books are waiting for me at the library and maybe I will go to Reiki. Tonight I ordered some books on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome from the library so maybe I will figure something out about why I am so tired. Or not. Probably not.
Can you get some more time off? It really doesn't sound as if you are ready to go back to work just yet.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs.
And I hate crowds myself. To the point where I avoid them at all possible and hyperventilate when it isn't. Again probably not normal - but part of who I am.
I'm not a fan of crowds, either, so you're certainly not alone. Smaller groups are much more to my liking.
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ReplyDeleteI know the terrible fatigue that follows an operation. You can't overcome it by willpower. I went back to work after 6 weeks and it was too soon. I had to transition slowly, working my way up from part time to full time over the course of a further month. See your doctor, get a note and talk to your personnel dept at work, I urge you.
ReplyDeleteGet your bunzos into the doc for a check. Maybe your blood is low. Either way, they need to do a follow up with you just to make sure all is good.
ReplyDeleteThe social thing? I totally get it. Do you wish that you weren't that way though? Order the Anxiety and phobia workbook. It's good.
Sounds to me like you need more time off. Have you asked your doctor about another week or two?
ReplyDeleteI don't like crowds, but I can tolerate them if I am near the edge, and know I can make an unobtrusive exit I if choose. The thing that sends me into a panic is highway driving. Don't know why. I did it for a couple of years when I commuted to St. Louis. Now it makes me feel trapped, like I can't get off the road if I need to.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with being out socially. Not crowds particularly just interactions of a social nature. I don't have panic attacks often luckily but tend to avoid. This turns into a vicious cycle of feeling isolated and isolating myself! lol Strange creature me. Hope you manage to get more time off if you need it. xx
ReplyDeleteI feel it's stress that is causing all your problems especially as all your tests have been fine. I was exactly the same. An oncologist explained stress to me very well. It does far more damage to a body than we would ever imagine. The anxiety is causing the stress which is causing problems. Now getting rid of the anxiety is the key maybe, have you tried NLP or hypnosis? I am a Reiki master I would be happy to send you some healing but you'll have to let me know. I need your permission and you need to know when as it may put you to sleep:)
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
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