Journaling and Grief
I am starting a course in a couple of weeks on grief. It is for people who are past the initial stages of grief. For some reasons I am having nightmares about my mom dying again. She died 16 months ago! They are gut-wrenching dreams that hang around my neck for days. How can it be all this is coming up after so many months? I thought I was over the worst but evidently I am not. Honestly, it is worse than in the beginning is a lot of ways. I should be over this, right? The silliest things bring up this deep feeling of just feeling lost. As I said previously, there is no resolution or absolution. I don't even want to post this because after all the writing I don't know that it has helped.
What the hell is up with Pyjama Jeans? I just watched a commercial and it was like watching a car accident. You don't want to watch but can't tear your eyes away. Don't get me wrong, I like comfortable pants. I am a fan of the "mom jeans" that have the waist that sit above the belly button but there is just something wrong about Pyjama Jeans. With all the shit happening on the planet it is going to be something like Pyjama Jeans that is going to send the whole damn planet off kilter forever.
I went to see Lincoln this week. It has taken me a few days to mull it over in my head. First, I enjoyed it! The initial theme of what Lincoln fought for and how he went about it was fascinating. The acting was excellent. However, because I am Canadian there were parts that I just did not understand. With the exception of the main characters, for most of the movie I had no idea who they were talking about. Would I recommend the movie? Definitely!
Signing off on this post. It has taken me all day to write it! I have kept leaving and coming back. Time for some dinner.
Birdie, sometimes dreams helps us deal with our most intricate and complicate feelings.
ReplyDeleteYou are going in the right path by seeking some help and support with this issue.
Hugs, Ofelia
I agree with Ofelia - and I think it takes time to get over the loss of someone you were so close to.
ReplyDeleteI lost a dear relative more than five years ago and sometimes I still think, "I need to call..." and then I remember. But the pain gets less over time. The closeness stays the same.
I think the grief course is a good idea. I read a book once that said the grieving process takes a lot longer than everyone thinks.
ReplyDeleteA lot of the political stuff in "Lincoln" was over my head too. Those Yanks have a strange system.
I don't think that there are any hard and fast rules about grieving. I certainly don't believe in the 'shoulds'. My father has been dead for over twenty years now, and still, from time to time, grief sticks her bony fingers in my eyes. Hard. Some days, many days get easier over time, but then there are the others - anniversaries and the like. Be kind to yourself - as kind as your sorely missed mother would have been.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is right, grief is on its' own timeline. I still go through phases where my mom invades my sleep. This weekend marked five years since my MIL passed away and no wonder I've been feeling so off.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself time.
People in this town wear pj pants all over the place all the time. Grown-assed people. Drives me nuts.
Everyone deals with grief in a different way, and there is no set time for it. Next month, it'll be six years since my father passed away, and grief still sneaks up on me when I least expect it and smacks me. My brother died in April 2011, and I thought I was getting really used to it. NOT. I had a nightmare about him just a few days ago. These are people we loved, people who played major roles in our lives. We miss them. Grieve for them. Eventually we get used to them being gone, but the pain is always there under the surface.
ReplyDeleteI hope the group will help with your grief...I am glad that you liked the movie, Lincoln...I plan to see it
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you! I hope it works out.
ReplyDeleteDreams are often our subconscious playing with us, bringing up what we tuck away in the daylight...
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how much it hurts to have lost your mom -- and I won't, but my heart goes out to you.
Greetings from Minneapolis,
Pearl
Nice to hear your recommendation of the Lincoln movie. It has had lots of promotion that makes it look fantastic. I will have to wait until red box has it here in KY. I don't subscribe to Netflex anymore. -- barbara
ReplyDeleteYou'll be fine, Birdie...
ReplyDeletePerhaps this is what you have needed all along...
And...look at the bright side...
You have lost 5.3lbs...fantastical for you...
Chin up...[or should I say"chins"]
hahaha...
Cheers!
Linda :o)
It truly is a mystery, the way grief can manifest itself in dreams. 16 months is baby steps in the grief process. Hell, it's been 30 years (30...omg) since my dad died and he still makes a cameo in my dreams every now and again. 16 months is baby steps in the grief process; don't be so hard on yourself. And I don't believe it's something you ever get over, frankly. It's just something that eventually, with time, you just accept and learn to live with. And the sadness will fade, and you'll start thinking of the happy moments more so than the sad, and life will go on. Don't look at it as something you have to "fix" because it's not. Because there's nothing wrong with your own grieving process; everyone is different, and deals with a death in their own way. And as long as you are finding a bit of happiness in your life, and continue to breathe, and exist, I'd say you're dealing with it just fine. But more importantly, Birdie, I must take issue with you on your stance about your pajama jeans. Are you kidding me, this is man's gift to the world! I've been totally obsessed with them since I first heard of them and have seriously contemplated buying a pair for myself. Of course, I've also considered buying myself a pair of overalls so you really can't trust my taste when it comes to fashion.
ReplyDeleteIt's good that you are taking care of yourself with the grief group.
ReplyDeleteHere's what I've learned about grief over too many decades. It never goes away. It just gets easier with time and becomes something a bit different,
The group might help, so it's good that you are going to give it a try. There really is no time limit to grieving though. It just depends on how severe it is. If dreams come and you have emotional moments, I think that is fine as I still have rough moments many, many years after both my parents passed. But it's if the grief is so great that it prevents someone from living daily life too often, that should be addressed.
ReplyDeleteI think overall though you seem to be doing as best as you can. Working, writing, connecting with others, going out, following your diet. You're living your life as best as you can. Be easy on yourself. And let the emotions out as you need too.
{{HUG}}