I had a long talk with my fiancé on the weekend. If you have been reading my posts you will know things have been pretty bad. I explained to him that for our entire relationship I have been the "strong one". I have been the one that had worked on our relationship. When we had an argument I was always the one to make sure we worked it out. I was the one who asked for forgiveness first, made amends, kissed and made up. Not that he has not tried but I have been the reason this relationship works. I think a lot of women are the strong ones in relationships. Since my mom died I have not had the energy to try. My grief has consumed me and it has been an effort to get up in the morning, never mind caring for my children, going to work and carrying on with every day activities. Since she died, I have not been able to be the strong one. I told him on Sunday that I was done. I have been making sure this relationship was functional for 5 years. It is not a case of not wanting to give, I am simply tired and empty. I told him I was done and if he wanted this relationship he was going to have to show me that I was important to him. He needs to be the strong one for awhile. Anyway, he seemed to listen and he seemed to hear what I was saying. The last few days things have been OK. I hope it continues.
I know I am "too young" but I really believe I am in peri-menopause. At night I am having hot flashes and my periods are way lighter than they ever have been. I have problems with holding my urine and I find that I am irritable. My nana had her last period when she was 36 so early menopause is not unusual in my family. My doctor said that it is normal for women to go through a time between 35 and 42 with peri-menopause type symptoms then things go back to normal again for about 10 years until you enter menopause. I would love to hear what anyone has to say on the subject.
OK, that is it. We are having hot dogs for dinner. Yummy!
I salute women who take charge of their life so well done for taking the reigns and talking to your fiance...
ReplyDeleteAs for menopause? I am waiting for it to hit ... it might take a few years but it is on my mind.
I think you are brave and I think you are wise. If someone wants to change, they will. If they don't, they won't. Best to know.
ReplyDeleteAs for menopause- oh honey, peri-menopause can last for years and years and I never heard that about going back to normal for any amount of time. I think that doctor is WRONG. Once you are on the train, you don't stop and turn back.
I think it can begin very slowly. I saw changes in my body's habits immediately after my second son was born. I was 35. I began with night sweats for the two days preceding my periods and that continued on until I eventually hit changes which I recognized as peri menopause in my later 40s. All in all from those early symptoms until true menopause was about 17 years.
ReplyDeleteWEll, that was very bravely done and clearly told so he didnt have to try and understand -it was so clear.. I do think that it is within us to do all the mending, but hopefully your darling man is going to be the strong one whilst you need it and values your relationship deeply enough to carry on.. Grief is so deep and lasts for as long as it does, in each one it is different. Obviously your mum was a very important person in your life and you are blessed to have had such a wonderful relationship with her.. one day soon, you will let the pain get less, but the time is not yet, so dont beat yourself up... Good luck and hugs from across the pond.. janzi
ReplyDeleteI suspect everyone's body is different and sometimes emotional states can affect your hormones. Perhaps it's best not to judge too soon. Maybe you could wait and see.
ReplyDeleteRelationships have to be about give and take on both sides, not just one side. Speaking your mind, clearly is a good thing. I'm working on my communication skills, basically I'm a chicken. As for the menopause, no idea. All I know is that it's kicking me in the ass right now. Hot flashes, interrupted sleep and memory loss. Yay!
ReplyDeleteDid the exact thing you are describing for a couple years, when I was like 38-40 I think, then all went back to normal. I'm 43 now. Guess the rest will hit in a few years. Oh, yay.
ReplyDeleteGood job on communicating in the relationship. Nobody is a mind reader or knows whats going on up in these crazy minds of ours, no matter how well we think people know us.
Keep your chin up, and keep your face to the light. It's time to be happy again. Happiness is a decision, girl. You can do this.
I like the stance you're taking in your relationship. Sometimes you can't do everything. Be strong.
ReplyDeleteStress can affect you in many ways so it may have nothing to do with your hormones.
ReplyDeleteIf it is a hormonal change then I would suggest reading this book that was very helpful for me: What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Premenopause by John R. Lee MD
Outstanding book!
Girl..run..don't walk ..away from this relationship. It is not that women are strong ..it is that we want to be the caretakers and nurturers and mothers. People hardly ever ever change...especially when they don't thin there is a problem. I know this is harsh but if this guy doesn't know enough that you are going through the hardest part of your life right now...he will never know. You gave everything you had to take care of your own mother...please think about taking care of yourelf now! As for the peri-menopause...probably is happening. The book The Wisdom of Menopause saved my life..along with the understanding and support of my husband.
ReplyDeleteHope things will be better with the relationship. You have done what you can, whatever is meant to be will be.
ReplyDeleteAs for peri-menopause... I think I've been in that stage FOREVER. The symptoms have come and gone for many years. I'll be 48 this year and am still fairly regular and extremely heavy with my cycle. I don't know how actual menopause will go for me.