Unrestrained Rage

I try so hard.  I really do.  I have tried many times over the years and it is always the same result.  I get so pissed off I want to rip someone'e head off their body. What is it that does this?  Crafts.  Crafty crafts.  I see an idea in a magazine or in a book and I think to myself, I can do that!  Off I go to gather my supplies.  In this case some spoons and wire.  The idea is to bend the spoons and hang them from wire.  It gets hung outside and when it rains the water puddles in each spoon making a rain chain.  For everyone else this is an easy thing to do.  Not so for me.  I won't even go into how long it took me to put some spoons and wire together but if I was a mutant like the Incredible Hulk I would have ended up throwing something like a car.  I finally finished the piece of crap  rain chain and hung it outside where it proceeded to fall apart immediately. After about 10 minutes I got it hung up.  I hate it.  It looks nothing like the picture in the magazine. Instead it is all crooked. The first rain will cause it to fall apart. (And no I am not going to take a picture of it.  It equates on the embarrassing scale with the picture of me in the hot tub.)  My question is why can't I do crafts?  I imagine myself quitting my job and making rain chains full time and selling them on Etsy.  The world will be amazed at my talent and B@rbara Walters will want to interview me and I will become very wealthy.  Ok, not that extreme but surely you get my point.  Very least I will make a rain chain that will be the envy of my next door neighbours.  They will ask me to make them one and I will happily oblige.  I would not even charge them but I will do it because I am good at making rain chains. 
At this point I am sure all you crafty people have already stopped reading and are already going through your kitchen drawers to make your own rain chain.  You may even write a post on it  but block me to prevent me further rain chain shame. 
So that is it.  No more crafts. I am sticking to buying things from the really truly crafty people in the world.

On another note, I took a bunch of my costume jewellery necklaces that I have never worn and hung them from trees in my yard.  I think it makes the trees happy.