9 Pieces of Chicken

Before I left for work last night I put some chicken in the toaster oven for my son.  I told him to make some vegetables and to clean up and put away the leftovers in the fridge.  This morning I came home from work and I asked him if he put away the leftovers and he said no. Why? Because he ate the whole thing. Nine pieces of chicken! How can anyone eat that much? This child is never full. Ever. 

I am feeling a little better since last post and I thank you all for your comments.  It sure would be nice to be one of those people who are always happy.  Actually, no it wouldn't.  People like that are hard to connect with.  Give me a depressed and anxious person any day and I will have someone that is probably a little more patient, understanding and loving.  I know I need to be gentle with myself.  Anxiety and depression run in my family. My mom and both my grandmothers dealt with it.  It just seems like they were so much more together than I am.  

I must keep this post short as I need to have breakfast then go to bed.  The patient I was caring for was up no less than 12 times last night.  It is hard to watch someone you are caring for not be able to sleep.  OK, my eggs are ready. xo

Do you ever have days where you have so much to say on your blog but feel like you have already written it a million times?  That's how I feel today.  It is the usual stuff.  I am feeling depressed and anxious.  I am lonely, really lonely.  It is strange to me that I have access to the entire world via the Internet and yet I am still lonely. I am tired. I miss my mom.  In an effort to not have to deal with my life I went back to bed after I dropped my kids at school and stayed there until 1:30.  It would be so nice to run away from life.

I wish I had a different life, I wish I was braver and prettier or just happy. But it's useless to dream, because nothing ever changes -My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

My son is 16 and never asks for much.  He is quite happy to buy his clothes at thrift stores.  From the time he was small he has been an easygoing person.  When I asked him what he wanted for Christmas this year he said a creeper hoodie.  I had no idea what he was talking about so he sent me an e mail of this. When I found out the price I freaked. It is $70.00!  I told him and in his usual gentle way he said he didn't need it. Let me say that I lived in poverty for years.  We didn't have all the stuff that other families had like food. My kids have never worn clothes that were not second-hand unless it was a gift. We went to the movie once a year and I had to save up for that.  This year I can afford the hoodie ($70.00!!) so  I am going to get it for him.  I can't wait for him to open it!

Exciting as Watching Paint Dry

First off I am happy to say that my BIL had an MRI and he appears to be free of cancer.  He has to undergo some more testing but that is very good news! 

I am in a blogging slump.  I have no new thoughts.  I have not even been answering comments.  It is that time of the year where everything slows down and not much happens.  School is going well.  Work is fine.  The family is happy.  The only issue right now is my thyroid.  I was just tested yesterday and I was able to get my results online.  It is low so medication will fix that.  

Here is what has happened in the last week-

• My key broke off in the lock of my car.  It is still in there.
• My hot tub chemicals are all screwed up because my daughter had a group of her friends over.
• I went to the doctor and had my thyroid tested.  It is low.
• My daughter is going to a jazz festival in February.
• I applied for a line of credit at the bank and was approved.
• My husband hurt his knee at work and refuses to go to the doctor.  He is going today. 
• I have been doing my Christmas shopping online.  I need to hurry up so I can have it completed by my self-imposed deadline of December 1.
• Are you still reading?  Seriously. My life is indeed this boring.
• I just spent over $550.00 for new tires from Costco. My current ones are almost like the ones in the picture.  
• I am reading "Wild" by Cheryl Strayed. I finished it. 
• That's it my lovelies. 

Oh golly it has been a long day. (Did I just say golly?)  My BIL had his scans yesterday but of course the don't tell you anything.  My dad is also quite sick from the Brachytherapy treatment he is going though. This morning I finished a short paper for school that was actually very difficult to write from an emotional stand-point.  There is a teeny piece of me that thinks maybe I am not the right person to work in palliative care but then the other piece of me knows that this is where the Universe has been guiding me my entire life.  There is so much to working with people in the last stages of living and I hope I will be able to uphold that honour. I hope I never cause anyone sadness or difficulty during their journey.  The fact is I can run off at the mouth when I need to be in silence.  My desire to fix things often makes things worse. It seems that with my family, my job and now school that I am surrounded by dying.  It is exhausting but at the same time I know this is where I am to be. I am not here by mistake.  I need to spend time in meditation and time outside reconnecting with Whatever is Out There.  The thing with working in home support is that you do not get to connect with other staff.  Connection is a big part of healing.  For the most part I do draw my energy and love from the Universe and give it to the people I care for.  There is no way I could ever have enough in myself to do this job and not become drained because sometimes I do not get my strength from outside of myself and I give right from me and that is when the burnout starts.  So I am pretty much just rambling now and making little sense.

For Ms. Moon

Because Ms. Moon is feeling low I am letting her know she is not alone.  Here I am laying on my couch thinking about her. 
 Those people who do not blog may not understand blog friendships but they are very real and I grateful for them. 

Anybody else up to posting a picture of yourself laying on the couch? 

As I lay in my bed yesterday the tears began to fall as they are wont to do when I am tired. I tried to think about what exactly is wrong.  One of the problems is there is so much sickness in our family right now.  My mom died from cancer then a few months later my dad was diagnosed with the beast.  Many people just brushed it off as no big deal.  I understand this.  I look after men dying with prostate cancer and I know it takes a long time to kill.  But sometimes it doesn't.  And it is still cancer. It still kills. 
Then last month my BIL went in for a routine appendectomy and they found cancer.  I am pretty worried about him. Though he is young (33) he is losing weight.  He has always been thin, about 130 but he is still losing weight.  He goes for a scan on Thursday.
Anyway, when I finally understood what was making me so sad I fell asleep for 6 hours! I got up as saw that everyone was in bed so I then went back to bed and slept all night. I am feeling a little better this morning. (OK, not really.)  When I go through a tough time I miss my mom.  Well, I always miss her, desperately so but when I am sad I want her more than ever. It has been over a year now and though I keep her memory close I feel as if she is indeed gone.  Gone where? Heaven? Reincarnated? Out somewhere in the Universe doing what needs to be done?  Maybe she is just dead.  Dead and nothing left.  I hope not because she is a beautiful soul that this world needs. 
Today I am also feeling very disjointed from whoever is running this place called earth.  So here is what my heart cries out today. If indeed there is a creator out there this is my cry to her or him. 

The rain is pouring down

Like al the souls you send here

Coming to this earth

To find healing

Mother Earth takes in the rain

Like your heart takes my voice

Let us free each other

With our prayers 

With our voice

And I'm coming home

And I'm coming home
And I'm coming home
And I'm coming home

Oh my Beloved

Kindness of the Heart

Breath of Life

I bow to You

And I'm coming home

And I'm coming home

And I'm coming home

And I'm coming home

Ong namo guru dev namo (repeat chant) 

Oh my Beloved

Kindness of the Heart

Breath of Life

I bow to You

Divine Teacher

Beloved Friend

I bow to You

again and again

Lotus sitting on the water

beyond time and space

this is Your way

this is Your grace

Ong namo guru dev namo (repeat chant)

this is Your way (repeated)

this is Your grace

 If you want to listen to this, go here.  If not I bid you adieu for now.  I have homework to do. 

Nap Needed

Is it the weather?  I blame my low moods a lot on the weather.  I haven't done a lot today.  Packed up some recycling, unloaded the dishwasher and talked to me dad.  Did some Christmas shopping online.  What I really want to do is sleep.  It isn't just being tired but I feel lonely today.  Usually I start feeling this way near the end of winter and we are only just half way through the fall.  And I hate myself for feeling this way because there is so much to be grateful for.  Though I am grateful I am weary. I think I am going to go have a nap. Maybe a nap will help.

I Remember

I came across this photo one day while searching through my family files. He is my first cousin four times removed I am likely the only person that thinks of him. He never married and had no children.  When I started to look into information about him I came across his name here. It says he died in war of unknown causes.  It says he is buried in France at Le Treport Military Cemetery.  It got me thinking to the sacrifice he made and now all these years later nobody remembers him.  How desperately sad.  I have no doubt his mother and father thought of him until the day they died.  Perhaps his brothers and sisters thought about him too.  But they are all long dead and for all intents and purposes, he is forgotten.  I wanted it not to be that way.  So here he is.  

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields

by John McCrae, May 1915

In every cemetery, in every country there are these stones that mark the place of Veterans.  My hope is that one day war will be a thing of the past and we can live in peace that our veterans fought for. 

Oh my American friends!  This is causing me stress!  I want this so badly for you.  I want Obama to finish what he has started.  I want you all to have medical treatment that won't bankrupt your family.  For that reason alone I want this for you.  

Being born in Canada I know Universal Medical Care works.  It is not perfect but it is so much better than watching your child have an asthma attack and not being able to take her to the hospital.  I remember several years back I was having a conversation with another blogger and she was talking about her daughter having an asthma attack.  My own daughter has asthma and I was telling her to take her child to the hospital right away.  Excuse me for my smugness.  I didn't understand that she could not afford it. At that point I has never paid a lot of of attention to American politics.  How could the 'best country in the world' not take care of a child?  As I looked into it more I realized this was not uncommon.  The same went for the elderly.  The part that bothered me the most is that the party that was stopping it was the so called 'Christian' party.  So backward!  Are Christians not called to care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the poor?  Instead the 'Christian' party was giving tax breaks to big business. (Incidentally, the same this happens here in Canada and the party is trying to dismantle out Universal Medical Care.)  It is wrong.  

OK, I am getting off my soapbox.  Keeping my fingers crossed.

He did it!  Just as I hit post we turned on the news and Obama is 44th President of United States.  Yay!

Remind Me To Get My Thyroid Checked!

Is it just the time of the year or am I abnormally tired?  In this part of the world it is dark early and today the clocks change and it will be dark even earlier.  With working the night shift it means that I will be in darkness for at least 72 hours straight.  bah  It could however be my thyroid.  Whatever it is I am mighty sleepy.

This week I finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey.  (Spoiler alert and sexually explicit.  Leave now if you don't want to read further.) Normally I don't read the trendy Top 10 books but a friend said I had to read it. What a shitty book.  First of all it is very poorly written.  Take out all the blushing, biting of her bottom lip, his flannel pants hanging on his hips and you could cut the book in half.  The other half of the book Ava has multiple orgasms even when Christian says her name.  Oh, and she is a virgin and she gives him a mind blowing b.j. on her first attempt.  Ya, right.  First off, having multiple orgasms is a learned art and so is giving a good b.j. The sex scenes (the reason everyone is reading the book) were not that good.  Christian could take some lessons from my husband about how to send a woman wild.  All I can say about my husband could have his doctorate! (I almost levitate.) All that aside, it is a typical story that a teenager would like.  The whole bad guy/good girl and her love will save him.  The entire book was crap!   

Next topic...

My daughter is turning 15 and wants a rat for her birthday.  ag! She has been wanting one for over a year now.  First off we have 2 cats and second my daughter is on the lazy side and I know I am going to have to clean the cage.  Has anyone ever had a pet rat? 

Remember that I old you we were going to plant a pink Dogwood tree in memory of my mom?  (I have not been able to write about this until now.)  Well the tree was planted and when we got home the deer had totally destroyed it.  All that left was a stick.  They even ripped the bark off so it won't likely survive.  I have never had a problem with deer.  We plant extra in our garden on purpose to share with them but I am so angry and upset.  There are a million trees around my neighbourhood and they had to ruin the one that meant something. They didn't even have the decency to eat it. They just ripped it apart.   

It is 3:34 a.m. and I am taking a break from my school work. I forgot how much studying can take out of you!  My mind is bathed! I am excited though. Already I have learned something and I love that.  Many times in the past I have said I could be a professional student because I love to learn.  It doesn't even matter what I am learning as long as I am finding out about things I did not know before.

One thing I have not mentioned in a while is how my weight loss is going.  Very simply, it's not. When we went away this month I ate and ate and ate.  TOPS is also not the support that I thought it would be.  The meetings consist of the minutes from the last meeting, a joke or two is read and then someone reads a magazine article from a magazine like Prevention.  *sigh*  Anyway, onwards and upwards (or downwards in this case).  I will keep at it.  I am being mindful of what I eat. I know what I really need to do but putting it into action is where I mess up.  

And because I have been busy and not  had time to post about our holiday and wedding I am posting pictures. 

A lone man stands at a grave at the military cemetery.  Who was he remembering?

This is the Molson Family mausoleum.  Somebody was compensating for something.

Not the Black Dog of Depression. 

I call this one Stereotype.
 A French artist painting a picture while smoking a cigarette while wearing a beret. 

Too funny not to post!

This was probably not meant to be funny. but I think it is hilarious!

The Cats of Parliament Hill

One of the millions of beautiful trees. 

Cobblestone in Montréal.  

I have no doubt that one day I will be this lady.  The neighbourhood old bag.  My lights are shut off and I am not handing out candy.  Why? Because I hate Halloween.  I do.  When I was little my brother and his friends saw it to scare me so bad that I was terrified to go out.  Add that to a very active imagination and being highly sensitive with an over active startle response I learned to hate Halloween.

My BIL is awaiting test results. I will keep you posted.

Today I started my courses to work towards palliative  accreditation.  The first course is "Loss, Grief and Dying with Dementia".  There are 14 courses in all and it will take me 2 years to complete them all. I am so excited!  

Ok, I need to go hide in the bushes and scare small children so bad that they pee. 

Scattered

I am normally a scattered woman but today more so than other days. I have about 25 projects on the go right now, all of them partially done.  The only thing I have completed is getting three cards completed to send out to people.  (I love sending cards.)  I have laundry on the go, the bed stripped, the bathroom half done, the hot tub half cleaned, my cheque (check) book sitting out, stuff to be put away...ag!  The dryer just beeped and suppose I should go fold the clothes.

Of course my thoughts are with my BIL (see yesterday's post).  Fuck anyway. I just read that cancer of the appendix happens .012 in a million or about 1000 cases a year in the U.S.  Of course, we do not know yet if it even started in his appendix or it has spread there.  My question is how do they know how to treat such a rare form of cancer? 

Anyway, I think I am going to go get he clothes in the dryer and wrap myself up in them. 

And on and on it goes...

My dad, as I have mentioned was diagnosed with Prostate cancer just after my mom died.  This week he had Brachytherapy (small radioactive seeds inserted into the prostate).  He is doing fine, just a little tired.

On Friday the other shoe fell...

I will back up a bit.  My amazing kind, gentle and sweet brother-in-law had an attack of  appendicitis a while back.  He had his appendix removed (laproscopic) and was back to work and feeling good.  And then the shoe fell.  You probably know that when anything is removed from your body it is sent for a biopsy just in case.  Friday afternoon they got a call that there was cancer.  WTF?  That is my mom, my dad and my BIL in 13 months.  My BIL is 33 years old!  He and my sister have a 7 year old and an 18 month old. Right now we know nothing.  He has to go for tests to see if the cancer is anywhere else. 

I am tired.   

Jet Lag & Crochet

Learn to Crochet! 

Jet lag and crochet.  Have the two words ever been said like that in a sentence?  I don't know.  I do know that I am a shit-kicked tired.  I got home and went back to working nights.  I was so tired today that I went to bed after work and slept 11 hours straight. Woke up to go to the bathroom but I was too tired to get up so I decided to ignore it and went back to sleep.

My job is slow tonight so I am trying to teach myself to crochet.  (My co-worker asked me sarcastically if that was the same thing old ladies do.)  So far I can cast on and do one row but it is all twisted and crooked.  From there I have no idea how to make the second row and the crappy book I got from the library is no help at all.  You Tube has some videos but there are about a million different ones so this venture may end in failure.  The supplies (yarn and hook) were $4.00 and bought at the thrift store. If I never figure it out the yarn will go to the Ungrateful Bastard.  But I want to do this!  Even if all I ever make is dish cloths I will be happy.  Everyone I know has some sort of crafty thing they can do but not me.  I don't sew, bake, scrapbook, knit, cross stitch or anything.  I want to make a damn dish cloth before I die.  (OK I will be honest, my real goal is to become an expert and make blankets and all sorts of nice shit.  Maybe I will become all calm, serene and wise and people will come to me and seek my wisdom while I calmly dispense my wisdom while crocheting.)  

Who else does this?  I start a project with great enthusiasm only for it to end up in a closet and then in the thrift store bin. Have I have mentioned my cross stitch pillow cases that I worked on for 12 years  before finally admitting to myself that I was never going to finish them?  And besides, I bought them when I was first married they were his and her pillow cases and I was now divorced.  I would have made a terrible pioneer woman.  Right now I just looked at crochet dish cloths and I realize I may be in over my head.  Seriously.  Look at this! 368, 000 images of dish cloths made by competent people! meh Will keep you posted. 

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig!

We are home!  So much for posting during my trip.  Most of the time there was poor or no Internet  access or I just had no time.  Other times I just wanted to be in the moment and enjoy  our time together.  
As with any holiday, a melancholy follows when you come home.  Bags to unpack, laundry to wash (a lot of laundry) and a general malaise from travelling   And of course, when any trip is over and a feeling of sadness comes.
But!  I am now home with my husband!  Eloping was one of the best decisions.  It was so much fun and one of the most intimate times of my life, just the two of us promising our lives to each other.  
Over the next while I will post some of the 839 pictures I took!  I will post more wedding pictures and our vows. There is no way I will ever be able to read all your blog posts over the last month but I will try to see what has happened to all of you, my wonderful bloggy friends.
xo

Here is what we did yesterday!

We eloped!  More pictures later! 

Chugga Chugga Choo Choo!

We are on the train now.  I have never been on a train.  And because I am taking you along with me I am going to take some pictures. And yahoo, I just waved at someone and they waved back.  
First some pictures from the last couple of days. 

This is just north of Waterloo, Ontario. A very beautiful part of Canada.
And here are the train pictures. 

In other news I finally broke and bought some make-up.  I am tired of looking old and haggard.  There is always the issue of looking like a hooker but I have been assured that I don't.  If you look at the last post of me in my red hat you can decide.

Question - Does anyone do dream interpretation?  Not the kind of dream interpretation when you dream of a whale you are afraid of getting fat.  I mean real dream interpretation   I had a dream about my mom and is has me curious. Not quite ready to share it here yet but I will later. 

Anyway, my laptop battery is going to die. Besides, I want to look out the window and enjoy the moment. 

Yesterday...

Bucket List

Go to Oktoberfest and get a bit drunk on beer.

(Formatting is all screwed up on this post but but I don't feel like fixing it.)

It was so fun!  We had a blast.  Everyone was so nice.  I danced with a man that I did not know. He was with his husband but his husband did not want to get up. 

That did not deter the dancing man.  He has and danced with everyone, men and women. His husband eventually went back to the hotel and dancing guy continued to dace with anyone who who would dance with him.  These are the days that make me believe that the world is not a shit-hole and we are all not going to kill each other. 

We also at cabbage rolls, sauerkraut and scalloped potatoes!  

And a story that should have been funny if it wasn't actually sort of sad.  (But it was still funny.)  We walked by a woman about 25 and she tripped on the side walk and fell.  She went down and her purse went flying.  As her purse went flying it opened up and dozens of condoms flew in  every direction.  We helped he up. I think the fall just scared her because she was not hurt but now were are all trying to ignore the elephant in the room.  Condoms, lots of them. Everywhere.  My fiancé and one of the other people that stopped was picking them up off the ground and stuffing them in her purse but we kept finding more.  So it was not funny because she was obviously a hooker.  We saw her sitting on the street the next morning.  Sad.  

So, we are going out again tonight!  More pictures!

Another morning with coffee in bed.  It is cold out there this morning!  -4 (that is 25 in American) When it gets to -4 where I live they close the schools!  Ha!  OK, not quite but almost.  It is almost time for breakfast so I will write more later. We need to be at the airport in a few hours.

At the airport now.  There is this cool wind-up plane toy for children but more adults are using it than children.  I am going to go in a second to wind it up!  Airport is busy and our flight boards in 20 minutes.  We are flying from Calgary to Kitchener/Waterloo.  More later...

Well, I didn't wind it up because I started wondering how many people had touched it.  Agh.

We arrived in Kitchener/Waterloo and we are now ready for Oktoberfest!  Woot!  

P.S._- The fact that I would consider putting small children up on the ride to keep them quiet shows why it is a good thing that I can no longer have children.  3 cheers for permanent forms of borth control! 

Get this.  We are in bed and we just had coffee delivered to our room.  I am drinking coffee in bed! Good coffee too I might add.  This is certainly the life.  Breakfast is in 25 minutes.  It would be very easy to get used to a life like this.  If I had a million several million dollars I would hire a cook to make me breakfast, lunch and dinner and to bring me a coffee in bed.  There would also be a hired massage therapist.  I would still do all my own laundry and clean my house.  I would also quit my job and do the same job as do now but as a volunteer for people that want to die at home but could not afford nursing care.  Anyway...I am getting off topic.

Last night I put Vanilla Foot Butter on my feet.  A sample came with the room and I will be buying some!  

Later on...  We went to see Tuesdays with Morrie. (I just realized that yesterday I put an apostrophe in Tuesday's.  *gasp*)  The play was wonderful!  I was crying by the end.  Afterwards we had more pie.  This time I had bumbleberry.  So yummy! 

Here is a picture of cows in Alberta. There are a lot of cows in Alberta.  It would be nice to have a cow as a pet. 

Yesterday one of you asked who was looking after my kids and the Ungrateful Bastard.  My dad is.  Mark my words though, the Ungrateful Bastard is going to screw me over for going away.  He does it every time.  Once he ran away. Usually he pees on my bed when I get home.  Good thing I have a medical grade mattress cover or I would have to kill him. 

Question for today - Why does Olay day moisturizer have a black lid and the night moisturizer have a blue lid?  Shouldn't the night  moisturizer have the black lid?   These are the things that perplex me. 

OK, I am off to bed!  What perplexes you?  

Eating and Driving

Oh, I love eating while on holidays!  We went to Tony Roma's last night and I had the chicken and rib special.  I was so stuffed I had to take most of it home.  For breakfast/lunch I had a huge chef 's salad but before you applaud for me because I had a salad I want to say I had a shit-load of balsamic dressing on it.  So good!

We drove around last night and got a little lost.  That's OK because I was with my sweetie.  I won't mention that I looked up our destination before we left on Google Maps but he knew how to get there.  Ya.  Right.  We got all frustrated and over tired and hungry.  Tony Roma's and a Guinness filled the bill!
Today I bought a new camera but I don't have it set up yet.  By tonight I should have it set up so check back later.  We are at a B&B right now and the Innkeeper just offered up Peach pie with whipped cream I said no.  Ya, right!  I said YES! The picture above is our room.  (Peach pie has arrived.  Mmmmmm!) 

Several hours later... We just came back from dinner and all I had was a Greek salad (sans olives).  I do not love olives. Here is a picture of my salad. Oh, yeah.  The Guinness is also mine.  I rarely drink but when I do my drink of choice is usually a Guinness.  The little ball inside the can is fun too.

Here I am in the car trying to figure out how my new camera works. There are a lot of functions.  It took me half an hour just to attach the wrist strap.  

This is Alberta.  It is very brown and very flat.  And here is a story.  I went to Saskatchewan the first time a couple of years ago and I cried because I found the never ending flatness upsetting. And there was no ocean!  I have never lived more than 5 minutes from the ocean. British Columbia, where I live is green, green, green with mountains.  

That is it for today.  Tomorrow we are going to see, "Tuesdays With Morrie".  I love live theatre!  Whaaa hooo!

At the Airport

Here we are at the airport.  Flight leaves in an hour.  I am so excited!  Eeeeeee!  I wish I could scream but I think that would be considered "unruly conduct" and get me thrown out.  (Note - I don't think I have ever been "unruly" in my life.  Maybe I should add that to my Bucket List.  I do have "getting arrested for a good cause"on my Bucket List.)  
Today we are going to Calgary.  We are stopping to see my fiance's daughter.  I am going to buy a new camera tomorrow as the one I have is old so I will start posting pictures tomorrow.  From there we are going to Rosebud, Alberta. Isn't Rosebud a nice name?  I could  live in a town called Rosebud.  
So tell me reader, what is on your Bucket List?   Have you ever been arrested?  

A couple hours later - We are at the Vancouver airport.  Flight is delayed and it is overbooked.  They keep asking for people to volunteer to not go onthis flight.  HA!  It won't be me. There is a group of ladies sitting across from us.  One of them was playing with the other's hair and then she pulled a piece out. Now she has been playing with the said hair for 10 minutes now.  It is getting on my nerves!  STOP IT!  Fuck, people are weird. OK, my flight is boarding.  Ta ta!

And We Are Off!

I got off work this morning and tomorrow morning we are going on vacation!  We will be in Alberta, Manitoba, Ontario and Quebec.  Make sure you tune in as I will be taking you along with me.  There will be pictures!  All sorts of fun is planned.  We are starting in Alberta then on to Kitchener/Waterloo for Oktoberfest! I intend to drink a lot of beer and get drunk as that is on my Bucket List.  From there it is on to Montreal and Quebec City.  There will be poutine involved. We have plans for something extra fun on the 11th so stay tuned for that too.  A lot of our trip will be on the train!  Yay!!!!

1946 - 2011

A year.  You were with me for over 40 and now it has been a year since you left.  I miss you every day.  It is not any easier.  My god mom, I miss you.  I miss you so much.  I miss your hands and yet when I look down at my own hands I see them.  When I look into the mirror I see your eyes shining back at me. 

How did you do it all those years?  I sure would love to ask you.  It is a question that I never considered until now.  You just did it.  You loved all of us and kept us together.  Loving was your gift to give while you were on this planet and I have no doubt that thousands of people‘s lives were better because of you.  I count it one of my biggest blessings that I was able to be your daughter.

I am not 100% sure where you are right now but I know that I take you with me every single day.  Your love sustains me.  Your memory keeps me moving.  And now I need to stand up and take your place as the family matriarch, a job I feel so inept to do.  But, you taught me well and it is a job that I can do because anything good in me is because of you. 

Bonjour! Je ne parle pas francais!

And because of that I am having a difficult time with booking parts of our trip in Montréal and Québec City. However, I am totally pumped because it is going to be so much fun!  We are planning to go to the Old City and Chinatown as well as Basilique Notre-Dame de Montréal.  I love cemeteries and can`t wait to see some of the oldest ones in Canada.  For anyone that has been to Québec, do you have any recommendations? 

We went to see "Hope Springs" tonight.  Isn't Meryl Streep a brilliant actor?  I don't usually get excited about a particular actor but she is so entertaining to watch.  Kathy Bates, too.

OK, you all know I am into geneology, right?  This month my province came up with the best geneology site I have ever seen!  Check out this and this.  These are the death certificates of my great, great, great, great grandparents.  How cool is that? And this is the birth certificate of my great grandfather. And here is the marriage certificate for my grandfather and his first wife.  If you look at the very top you will see that the marriage was dissolved in 1954.  It proves what my mom suspected all along.  She was born out of wed-lock in 1946 and her father was still married to another woman.  No big deal but my mom's mother was always so judgemental of anyone that divorced.  Very hypocritical considering she was living with a married man and had two children with him.  My grandma never considered my step-sister one of her grandchildren when my mom married my step-dad. At Christmas all the grandchildren got a present and she wouldn't get anything for her. It makes me angry that all along she had her own dirty little secret.  It all comes down to "Thou doth protest too much".   She made my mom's life miserable after my mom finally got the courage to leave and divorce my biological father that beat the shit out of her.  She did not offer any support. Anyway, I can let it go as she is dead and she was always a good grandma to me.  Good thing we were connected by blood. 

What dirty little secrets were in your family?