As I lay in my bed yesterday the tears began to fall as they are wont to do when I am tired. I tried to think about what exactly is wrong. One of the problems is there is so much sickness in our family right now. My mom died from cancer then a few months later my dad was diagnosed with the beast. Many people just brushed it off as no big deal. I understand this. I look after men dying with prostate cancer and I know it takes a long time to kill. But sometimes it doesn't. And it is still cancer. It still kills.
Then last month my BIL went in for a routine appendectomy and they found cancer. I am pretty worried about him. Though he is young (33) he is losing weight. He has always been thin, about 130 but he is still losing weight. He goes for a scan on Thursday.
Anyway, when I finally understood what was making me so sad I fell asleep for 6 hours! I got up as saw that everyone was in bed so I then went back to bed and slept all night. I am feeling a little better this morning. (OK, not really.) When I go through a tough time I miss my mom. Well, I always miss her, desperately so but when I am sad I want her more than ever. It has been over a year now and though I keep her memory close I feel as if she is indeed gone. Gone where? Heaven? Reincarnated? Out somewhere in the Universe doing what needs to be done? Maybe she is just dead. Dead and nothing left. I hope not because she is a beautiful soul that this world needs.
Today I am also feeling very disjointed from whoever is running this place called earth. So here is what my heart cries out today. If indeed there is a creator out there this is my cry to her or him.
The rain is pouring down
Like al the souls you send here
Coming to this earth
To find healing
Mother Earth takes in the rain
Like your heart takes my voice
Let us free each other
With our prayers
With our voice
And I'm coming home
And I'm coming home
And I'm coming home
Oh my Beloved
Kindness of the Heart
Breath of Life
I bow to You
And I'm coming home
And I'm coming home
And I'm coming home
And I'm coming home
Ong namo guru dev namo (repeat chant)
Oh my Beloved
Kindness of the Heart
Breath of Life
I bow to You
Divine Teacher
Beloved Friend
I bow to You
again and again
Lotus sitting on the water
beyond time and space
this is Your way
this is Your grace
Ong namo guru dev namo (repeat chant)
this is Your way (repeated)
this is Your grace
If you want to listen to this, go here. If not I bid you adieu for now. I have homework to do.
always thinking of you Birdie, I have a new blog now please come over ?? :}
ReplyDeletelovingtheday22.blogspot.com
Janice
Poor Birdie, so sad.
ReplyDeleteSleep is good but so is doing something unusual, something you wouldn’t normally think of doing. Go on, treat ourself, be kind to yourself. It doesn’t have to cost money. Go for a long walk, sing a song, savour a special bite to eat. But really be aware of what you are doing/enjoying, concentrate on it, don’t let the depression in and spoil those precious minutes.
I agree with Friko. No matter how tough it may be, get up/get out and do something special, something happy. Just for you. The shortening of the days and the colder weather take a toll on everyone. Add the sad things happening around you, and it's a little too much to handle. Every now and then you have to remove yourself from it all and re-energize.
ReplyDeleteI can't think that our loved ones ever really disappear. What a tough job you have, and you must be such a compassionate person to do it! One of our good friends was diagnosed recently and it's going to be tough on all of us.
ReplyDeleteAck, it was just the birthday of one of my young, vibrant friends who just passed away suddenly. My relationship with the powers at be lately involves a lot of fist-shaking. I try to stay busy and outside but it's slushy and grey and maybe not much help. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteKeep chanting darlin'...It is when you find your Self that you will know beyond a doubt that your mother is and always will BE...Sending the deepest heartfelt healing energy I can muster...
ReplyDeleteOm Shanti Shanti Shanti,
Nirvani
Aw Birdie...
ReplyDeleteThis will pass...
The sun was out here today, and I felt exhilarated...
DO you do any exercise???
I have recently gone back to fitness...
I find that really gets me revved up...
We are all here,,when you feel better...and you WILL..
Cheers!
Linda :o)
The cancer thoughts/fears get me too, I think it's normal. Especially when it seems to take everyone out in your family. My theory is everyone will get it eventually, if they live long enough. Positive eh?
ReplyDeleteSometimes living is hard. And you just have to cry about it. It's okay.
Birdie, I'm sad to hear about the illness in your family. Sometime ago I read that disease is really dis-ease, i.e. the person falling ill is really somehow spiritually at dis-ease. Have you ever heard of distance healing? I've been doing to send healing thoughts and energy to some of my nearest and dearest I know are in turmoil to help them find a way to heal themselves. I know it may sound like balderdash, but believe me it really works! At least you can't do any harm by sending distance healing.
ReplyDeleteMy closes friend had a colposcopy recently to remove abnormal cells from her cervix. She is 29 with a 5-year-old boy. I couldn't help but move over to her flat for the time she was ordered to rest by the doctors to help her recovery and make sure she wasn't exerting herself. We talked for hours each day, and on a subtle level I felt like I was actually healing her, at one point I even felt 'ghost pain'. Then her final results came after some time - all clear!
The power of love is amazing. Love is the strongest of healers. But the willingness to heal has to come from the person themselves, and they must help themselves to heal. Keeping a positive mind is paramount, and I once read about this Chinese woman who beat cancer by watching funny films and laughing off the pain every day with her husband. Stress and anxiety are dangerous for anyone's health, and that's why I think it's important that when caring for people who have fallen ill or who are at dis-ease you make sure you yourself are balanced and positive.
I wish all the best for you, Birdie, and all the best for your nearest and dearest. Let love and light guide us to peace and heal our pains.