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| This is the beach where I went swimming today. |
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umzfEer-7So <----watch!
I am not sure how much time she has left. I am basking in her presence every moment I can. My tears fall and I don't even know they are flowing. I went for a swim in the Pacific ocean today and it was cold but helped my grief. We are having a family dinner tomorrow night at my mom and dad's house because that is just the kind of family we are. I intend to go for another swim in the cleansing waters of the ocean and also hold my baby niece close and whisper in her ear how much she is loved.
Birdie, what a blessing (albeit mixed with so much sadness) to have this time with your Mom and to say the things you want to say. It's a hard path you're walking with your family right now, but, oh, how rewarding to have the time to share your love with your beloved Mom and to store up memories of that love for future times.
ReplyDeleteJudy, South Africa
Thank you so much Birdie, for making the effort to write here, although I know it must be painful. I really appreciate you updating us and letting us all know how you are faring. It matters to us all how it goes for you. Sending you lots of love across the ocean. x
ReplyDeleteOh, and the long drawn out decrease in life? It's hard to know what is worse, getting to have all those conversations under duress, or the sudden emptiness of a quick loss. Either way, it sucks.
I know that you are helping me with the thought of losing my own mother, when the time comes. I can't imagine it (and I have what she always called an overactive imagination). I hope I have as much grace as you have shown here. Be easy on yourself and go with your flow.
you are crying in celebration. it is a beautiful thing.
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erin
I think the ocean is doing it's job. Holding you while you cry, let you work out the pain. Take care woman.
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
ReplyDeletethat's all I have
Your goodbye with your mother is how I wish I would have. Your sharing, tears flowing, stories shared, confessions, resolved in the comfort of love.
ReplyDeleteYour mom is a blessed mother to have a daughter like you...
It sounds to me as if you are doing exactly what you are supposed to do. Loving your mother honestly and truly.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing all of this Birdie. I am learning so much about grief and fear and joy and living from you.
ReplyDeleteAs you know I lost my mother when I was a child and though I once wrote on my blog that I no longer feared death, of course I still do.
When the time comes that my precious sisters, or my foster Mum get ready to leave us I hope that I can face it all full on, with as much courage and strength as you are doing right now.
Though it must hurt so much to see your beautiful Mum suffering and at the thought of saying goodbye, in some strange way it is a blessing to be able to hold her through all of this and to be close to her; to keep her close and let her feel all of the love of her family.
I am thinking right now of an old friend who has suffered a very sudden and shocking loss this year, of her young adult son. She did not get the chance to say goodbye and he went in such an awful way.
Maybe I do not fear death, rather like each of us maybe I do not understand why it comes in the way it does and am angry with it big time.
I am sending so much love to you - if only all our love could take away all of the pain. I suppose what it does do for us is to help us through it, eventually. x
The ocean and tears are both soothing. So is holding a little one.
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