Decline and Dragging

Over the last 30 hours my mom has declined quickly.  She got out of bed two nights ago (before my dad could get to her) and fell backwards and hit her the back of her head then fell forward and hit the front of her head.  A hospital bed is being brought in.  Home support is  providing service in the morning and the evening now. The Palliative nurse will come every morning.  All care is strictly centered around comfort.  Morphine is given every four hours.  The real dying is now underway.  She is now between 30 and 40% on the Palliative scale.  
My mom has lost so much weight.  I have never seen my mom this thin and frail.  People are emailing and calling and as much as I love them I no longer have the desire to speak of any of this.  Even this post taxes me.  I do it because I wanted to be able to deal with all the emotions that I am feeling.  The thing is I do not even know what I am feeling right now.  I just keep going. Both my kids had orthodontist appointments today.  My daughter got them off (finally!) and my son got them on.  I sat through both appointments and did what I was supposed to do.  I even went to the hardware store and looked at smoke detectors. They say life goes on but it feels more like life drags you along no matter what.