Oh golly it has been a long day. (Did I just say golly?) My BIL had his scans yesterday but of course the don't tell you anything. My dad is also quite sick from the Brachytherapy treatment he is going though. This morning I finished a short paper for school that was actually very difficult to write from an emotional stand-point. There is a teeny piece of me that thinks maybe I am not the right person to work in palliative care but then the other piece of me knows that this is where the Universe has been guiding me my entire life. There is so much to working with people in the last stages of living and I hope I will be able to uphold that honour. I hope I never cause anyone sadness or difficulty during their journey. The fact is I can run off at the mouth when I need to be in silence. My desire to fix things often makes things worse. It seems that with my family, my job and now school that I am surrounded by dying. It is exhausting but at the same time I know this is where I am to be. I am not here by mistake. I need to spend time in meditation and time outside reconnecting with Whatever is Out There. The thing with working in home support is that you do not get to connect with other staff. Connection is a big part of healing. For the most part I do draw my energy and love from the Universe and give it to the people I care for. There is no way I could ever have enough in myself to do this job and not become drained because sometimes I do not get my strength from outside of myself and I give right from me and that is when the burnout starts. So I am pretty much just rambling now and making little sense.
When I was working as a trauma/cardiac nurse, I was surrounded by death. I dealt pretty well for the first few years. But then, I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm not one of those special people, like you and my stepmom. You are angels. You are the strong souls of comfort that help guide a person through the life-death cycle. I live in continued awe of you and the other angels.
ReplyDeletePrayers for you all!
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me like palliative care would be the kind of job where self-care is absolutely critical to being able to do it long term. I hope you will give lots of attention to that aspect!
ReplyDeleteYour ramble makes complete sense to me. This kind of work can be so draining but it can also be so fulfilling and sustaining. Keep channelling love and energy from the Universe and you will be OK
ReplyDeletexo
It takes such a strong compassionate person to take on such an emotionally demanding career in the one life that one is gifted with. I am always inspired when I read your posts (Whenever I come back from my long absences) to do something that is good and thoughtful for people. Thank you for being such an inspirational positive entity.
ReplyDeleteBurnout is a huge issue for Palliative care workers. My friend is a Home Care nurse and the constant stress she is under just blows my mind. I can barely run a house without losing my shit! It's important to have support from external sources. I hope you have that.
ReplyDeleteI think listening to what the universe tells you should overcome your doubts. I've been there, too. :)
ReplyDeleteBirdie, I think it takes a very special kind of person to help others prepare for the journey Beyond. Follow your Dharma girl!
ReplyDeleteYour post makes a lot of sense. Listen to yourself and make sure you preserve something in your life that will nourish your soul as you deplete your reserves in helping others. You owe it to yourself and them to strike a balance.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing person for wanting to work in that field...I look up to you as a hero...
ReplyDeleteI feel for you...being surrounded by death. I am sure they are so thankful they have you there with them.
ReplyDeletePS you ramble very sensible!
Please just make sure that you are whole first...then you can help others. You are coming off of a very difficult year into something that is going to take 100% or more of yourself...you know I know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if anybody else has pointed this out to you but people working in any shape or form in counselling and care of the dying or even the merely ill and depressed need regular counselling sessions themselves. You wouldn’t be allowed near anyone unless you had that in this country, unless you did it inofficially. (If you are only concerned with the physical aspects of caring, that doesn’t apply.)
ReplyDeleteIt’s not only your own “burn-out’, you could also do damage to others. Your obvious desire to help others on its own is not enough, you need to ‘off-load’, in other words, get counselling yourself.
I am not saying this to hurt your feelings, please believe me.