I wish I had a different life, I wish I was braver and prettier or just happy. But it's useless to dream, because nothing ever changes -My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
I wish I had a different life, I wish I was braver and prettier or just happy. But it's useless to dream, because nothing ever changes -My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)
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b.)))) life's really freaking painful)))) every life. every one of them. but it is (ok, don't punch me) the pain that gives us the joy. truly. and so now i wish you a whole lot of joy to balance this pain out.
ReplyDeletethe other night i laid in bed crying. we do this. it really hurt to be alive and i was so incredibly flawed (am), it was so much easier to be dead.
of course it is.
but...
something as simple as seeing a group of cows this morning (really freaking common cows) huddled together against the cold and awaiting the farmer to open the gate to the field told me that the world is incredibly beautiful too.
be outside as much as you can. find the opportunity to touch strangers. be selfless. serve others. be kind to yourself. (this is what i try:)
xo
erin
Funny, i was thinking about Clifford the Big, Red Dog today.
ReplyDeleteI wish i could say something more to help. Depression is a drag. I've been there too. Lots. In fact, i'm not far out of the shadows right now really. Hey i'm probably even within an arm's reach from you.
Wish i could span the virtual, literal and figurative realms and lend you a hand. I'm swiftwater rescue certified! When life is a raging river, or you get hung up on a rock, or capsized, sometimes you just need a rope.
Okay, so maybe that doesn't make sense. What i mean to say is depression is scarier than a life-thirsty, rabid river in the sense that nobody can do much to save you from it.
Piece of shit giant black dog. (Maybe the guy can huck the stool to distract it for a while.)
And respectfully, you're delusional if you think you aren't brave enough or pretty enough. But i'm just a cotton-headed ninny muggins from Idaho, what do i know?
(I have a B.S., i know)
I have so many days like that. I have days when I have flash backs of my own mother, days when I hate me, days when I feel like there has to be better things. Then I have more days when I am so blessed and look at my life and where it is and know that God had a plan for me. He loves me unconditionally no matter what I feel, do, say, look like, or mess up on.
ReplyDeleteOn those days when we feel like crawling back in bed and covering up our heads, we just have to stop and count our blessings.
It's the time of the year as well. During the fall, and holidays, I have my ups and downs with my moods, too. Bittersweet a lot of them, because I do miss loved ones that aren't here, yet I look forward to spending time with the ones who are. I hope you can hold onto the happy feelings you have that you can afford to buy your son the hoodie that he wants (even as creepy as it is, hee hee!) and still, even as you miss your mom, know that she is celebrating your successes with you.
ReplyDeleteYep I am just not happy with life right now either but it is my dislike for the Holiday bad stuff as a kid growing up & then always getting the "oh my gosh how on earth can you hate Christmas"? I put on a smiling face for the kids and juts want to curl up and sleep thru the whole dang thing! When you are lonely know I am an e-mail away girlfriend !!
ReplyDeleteHang in there! I think it's natural to feel lonely when you're missing someone.
ReplyDeleteThis, too, shall pass.
ReplyDeleteAh Birdie, sometimes life is overwhelming and the best place to be is in bed, all curled up against the world... Do not worry about tomorrow, it will take care of itself... and if you run out of... whatever, you always have the love of your kids which makes you a very rich mummy indeed!! Bless you, hope you feel better soon, and I know how you feel, but it will pass and another day gets done.. hugs from across the pond.. Janzi
ReplyDeleteIt happens. I felt that way Thanksgiving day. It seemed as if everything was gone. Christmas will be worse as the kids and grandkids will be spending it with my ex at the beach. Just me and honey. They say not to live in the past but sometimes it shows up anyway. I don't have a remedy that always works. I do have a lot of empathy for you.
ReplyDeleteDon't we all. I felt that way this morning. I didn't want to get up no matter how much I willed myself to do so... then I decided it was time but I felt lifeless and that I was just pretending... I should visit your blog more because it gives me relief to know that I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteKudos on the newly found financial freedom. I read your previous post. Your son sounds like a great kid.
Huggies and Cheese,
Haopee
I live a pretty isolated life, so I totally get how you feel. Some days, I feel like curling up into a ball and crying. So I do. It's easy to get bogged down in those feelings though when they don't go away on their own. You gotta get out of your head when that happens.
ReplyDeleteGet into your body. Move. Walk. Rip through the house with the vacuum cleaner. Or make something. Use your hands. Keep your mind busy by doing a puzzle, or a craft. Sing along to your favorite song. My favorite pick me up? Babies laughing on Youtube. You can NOT be sad listening to babies laugh.
I, too, am an email away. And because I'm a shut in, I'm always home. :)
Those days are the pits. You have so many people who get this and whom you are helping by your blogging. I am always repeating old moans on my blog and often think that I never learn the lessons and move on. Then it passes. I've been feeling lonely too and I get what you say completely. Here we are with the world at our fingertips and.... I've been having several crying, I can't cope meltdowns over the past few days. It's been coming for a while. At 3am this morning I was crying like I thought I would never stop! People keep telling me to look after me and slow down etc., but I keep on doing too much and running from fear. Today I slept all morning and didn't go to work(shock horror). I read some tweets this afternoon that made me laugh out loud. I hope you feel better. You are a touch stone for so many of us and we care about you. You are enough. A very special Birdie. xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks for your blog. Depression is so isolating and the internet is such a wonderful tool for connecting to people. You have a lot of good people out there rooting for you. All I want to do is sleep too. It takes everything I have to just shower and keep moving after the kids are off to school.
ReplyDeleteBTW I love your birds! I'm a birder and I think your blog looks really cool.
Hang in there.
I hope the internet will help you to feel less lonely...it helps me sometimes.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you just need to get back into bed, and feel the feelings, because how will you ever get over them if you don't let them out?
ReplyDeletexoxox