Monday, March 26, 2012

A Day

I went to see my dad today.  He has been away pretty well since my mom died.  He told me he found a lump in his prostate.  He is waiting to get a biopsy.  Very likely cancer.  I can't go to that place right now.  All cancer means to me is suffering until you can't take it any more then more suffering.  When you want to die because you know no other life except cancer and suffering you suffer some more.  Then it strips you for any dignity.  Then you die.  Yes, I know I am being extreme but that is where I am at today.  When my mom was diagnosed I had total faith and hope that she would survive and beat it.  I won't do that again.  I choose to think nothing.  I choose to be numb to its insidiousness.  Anyway, I will let you know.  It takes a while to get biopsies in Canada (a downside of Universal Health Care).  He is waiting for the phone call from the hospital.


While I was there I picked up a few things that my mom wanted me to have.  A charcoal picture that was done by my great aunt.  There were also some antique knick-knacks.  They are sitting in my bay window now.  They make me glad.


It is my day off but I always find my first day off so exhausting It is hard working nights than switching to days.  I will be OK tomorrow.  I think I might book an aromatherapy massage for myself this week.  I have a union meeting this week too.  Fun!

I got these in the mail today!  I love crows as you know.  I also love this vintage owl.   I got them off Etsy. (Don't go there.  Don't!)  I need to stop looking at that site.  Some of the stuff there is so nice.  The only thing I don`t like it is all the writing on the site is super small and hard to read.  Maybe I need new glasses.  Bi-focals?  At what age do people get bifocals?


Last night I ordered a letter "T" for my laptop.  Norbert tore it off.  He did!  When I first got this laptop I was holding him and had a fit and ripped it off.   Of course he ripped off a good letter that is needed often.  He could not have gone after a Q or Z.  I think he did it on purpose.  He is rotten to the core.  So why do I love him so much?


Later that night... I am up and it is almost 4 a.m.  Fiancé is snoring so loud I can still hear him and I am on the other side of the house.  I am so tired!  I don't want to get separate beds but I am already having problems with going between sleeping nights and days.  I also don't sleep well even when I do sleep.  Oh well, he gets up at 4:30 for work then I can go to bed.

13 comments :

  1. Sorry to hear the news about your dad. I hope it's not what you fear.

    The owl is adorable. I do stay away from Etsy. I'd be in trouble there.

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  2. prayers for your dad....

    i went to Etsy once... i promptly clicked on the little red x! i knew if i stayed there too long i'd spend money i don't have hahaha

    i have bifocals... got them a year ago or so.. of course that's because of the MS beast... bleh

    i lost my "k" once... it sucked.... couldn't type that really good 4 letter word.. or even the word suck... ha

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  3. Norbert is the Ungrateful Bastard, right?

    I'm sorry to hear that. I am thankful that our family has been free of the C monster. However, we do battle hereditary diabetes. My grandfather died of it and he was in pain all those days he stayed in the hospital. My mother said it was heart wrenching as she could not afford giving him expensive pain medications since we didn't have money. And during his death he was still crying of pain. It was awful that even I couldn't forget it.

    I don't go to Etsy Shops for the same reason you don't want us to go.

    Huggies and Cheese,

    Haopee

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  4. .,oh sorry to hear about what happened about your dad....

    Our prayers are with you.

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  5. There's nothing I can say that makes that situation any better so the best I can do is say I'm thinking of you.

    If separate beds would help, then go for it. Set yourself a limit so it doesn't become a habit. Say, two nights. Just to get some sleep. Then go back to your proper bed.

    And take care.

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  6. Your dad will be in my prayers. Hopefully it will not be as bad as it seems.

    Your cat is a riot, and I like that side of you that can make us sad and then have us laughing, all in the same post. I could just picture him taking off with the T.

    I agree. Etsy is dangerous. It should be accompanied by warning banners. Same with Ebay.

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  7. About your dad- there is good treatment, even if it is cancer. And all men, ALL men, if they live long enough get it.
    I know. That didn't help.
    It is just wrong that there is so much pain and worrying in this world.
    Wrong.
    But what other world do we have?
    I'm thinking about you. I am.

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  8. Man, there is just nothing uplifting to say here, and since we all know I'm a blunt bitch, I'll not go down the path of making some rubbish up. I do hate that you're having to fear for your dad, that's the truth.

    Separate beds may be the lesser of the evils here. Maybe 3mg of melatonin too.

    I still love The Ungrateful Bastard. Send him my way any day ;-)

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  9. So sorry about your dad, cancer has ridden my family, and it just sucks. My step dad actually just had surgery a few months ago do remove his prostate, and doing fine now. Prostate cancer is one of the easier cancers to get through, and it is is cancer I wish you and your family nothing but the best of luck!

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  10. Prayer for your dad !
    Saranya
    http://nicesaranya.blogspot.com/
    http://foodandtaste.blogspot.com/

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  11. I don't know what to say. I've had cancer and I'm still here. When it's caught early it can be treated.

    You are still so sad, it comes out of every word you write. I am sorry, I wish there was something I could do for you.

    It might help if you got a decent night's sleep. We have separate rooms here chez Friko. I need peace and quiet at night.

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  12. You need a good nights sleep - I agree with MorningAJ. Set a limit so you don't get too used to sleeping apart - almost like an anti-date night twice a week.

    So sorry to hear about your Dad - I'll be praying that it's not what you fear.

    E-mailing you regarding THAT name. xxx

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  13. Oh Birdie, I am sorry to hear the news about your Dad. Holding on hard to the hope that he is ok and that the tests do not take as long as you expect.

    I agree with everyone above about the need for you to get some sleep. Separate beds might be best for that reason.

    Love that owl!

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