I hate winter.
I hate the cold. I hate snow. I hate ice. I hate black ice. I hate frost; including hoarfrosts. I hate snowstorms. I hate blizzards. I hate flurries. I hate freezing rain. I hate sleet. I hate hail. I hate skating. I hate curling. I hate skiing. I hate snowboarding. I hate sledding. I hate hockey. I hate icicles. I hate being chilly. I hate goose bumps. I hate shivering. I hate 8-hour days. I hate a cold nose. I hate cold toes. I hate cold ears. I hate warming up my car. I hate fogged up car windows. I hate gloves. I hate winter coats. I hate touques. I hate scarves. I hate colds (I am fighting one) and flus. I hate Christmas songs that talk about snow. ("Let it Snow"? Fuck you, I have to drive in the shit while you sit on your fat ass drinking hot chocolate.) I hate falling on ice. I hate walking in the snow. (OK, I like the crunchy sound.) I hate cleaning snow off my car. I hate shovelling snow. I hate scraping my windshield. I hate driving on icy roads. I hate chapped lips. I hate having to blow my nose every 10 seconds. I hate dry, cracked hands. I hate cold hands. I hate snowballs. I hate igloos. I hate slush. I hate dirty snow. I hate snowmen. I hate all snow people. I hate snow animals. I hate snow flakes. I hate making snow angels. (I can't get up again without ruining it.) I hate sweaters made of wool. I hate "snow days". I hate being tired because there is no light. I hate the wind blowing in my face. I hate the Winter Olympics (so lame.) I hate unplowed roads. I hate salted roads. I hate treacherous roads I hate getting my car stuck in the snow. I hate looking at snow. I hate being in the snow. I hate pictures of snow. I would have hated the Cold war. I hate cold fronts. I have cold snaps. I hate snow burns. I hate wind burns. I hate that my glasses fog. I hate snow tires. I hate the sun reflecting off the snow. I hate leg warmers. I hate ear muffs.
There. I feel better. Happy First Day of Winter, folks. Meh.
I'm with you. Hate the stuff. Hate winter. That's why I've lived in southern California for thirteen years. The other thirty-five were spent hating.
ReplyDeleteOh Birdie, I know I shouldn't have, but I laughed so much tears ran down my face. What a wonderful grumpy grouch post. Nothing like a good rant sometimes.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful grumpy winter but keep safe! X x
Elizabeth- I would love to be in California! My toes are so fucking cold right now.
ReplyDeleteLorna - Ahh, it is my pleasure to make you laugh. My job is done.
I could not agree more! This is so funny. I read this first thing this morning -what a great way to start the day, with a good-natured grumble. Thanks for this.
ReplyDeletei have unreasonable love enough for us two. they'll keep you in canada for it. sorry.
ReplyDeleteand all of your hate somehow spawns a big warm hug from me to you.)
merry christmas, birdie. merry christmas.
xo
erin
I love Florida. And when I go on vacation? Even farther south.
ReplyDeleteI do not know how you guys do it.
Oh good, you've reached an angry phase:) I totally agree that cold and dark and white stuff should never have been invented. Two years in northern Germany where we had to wait for the snow plough before getting the horses out each morning, and it hurt to breathe, the air was so cold. Brrrr! Two years was three winters too long for me, and don't get me started on summers that only last a few days...It's not exactly toasty here just now, by my standards, but we have a spare room. If you want a break, you'd be welcome.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the good belly laugh, Birdie! I'm in 100% agreement with everything you hate!! I was born and have lived in costal California all my life, except for two college years in St. Louis. I don't know how I managed to graduate... the weather was, in a word, shitty - no matter what the season. All my life my friends have invited me to go "up to the mountains for a fun weekend in the snow." Fun???? Are you bloody kidding me??? Hell, no... I'm going to stay right here on the beach, where it's sunny and 60 degrees, even if it is the middle of December!!
ReplyDeleteI always thought how wonderful having all that winter weather would be. Then I visited my sister up in Virginia one January. For some reason I decided that my middle aged butt needed to go sledding for the first time ever. One emergency room visit later, I decided one snowfall every ten years isn't such a bad deal after all. I think snow is better left to those who know what to do with it.
ReplyDeleteYep - I agree with every word.
ReplyDeleteI know you truly hate these things but I must admit I laughed through this entire post. However, I am really happy that you feel better. ;-) Hugs and happy holidays, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll never moan about our winters again. I think I'm very happy I live here in sunny South Africa and never have to deal with snow except when I'm crazy enough to go to Europe in the winter and drive through the Croatian mountains in a left hand drive car (for the first time) in snow (for the first time) with no snow chains. But I could live with drinking all that hot chocolate! :)
ReplyDeleteJudy, South Africa
I hear you loud and clear.
ReplyDeleteI haven't gotten over digging out of October.
Merry Christmas!
No, you're not a Canadian Abomination. It's alright to get grouchy about the cold weather. Happy holdidays.
ReplyDeleteYep and yep... good reminder why I chose Florida as a retirement location. I hate being cold. Even less than 60 degrees is cold enough for me. Thanks for the rant... that takes courage!
ReplyDeleteI do like scarves and some Christmas songs and occasionally a little bit of snow if it melts pretty quick, but the rest of it... I'm right there with ya.
ReplyDeleteLoved your rant!!
Still laughing at this post. I often say the older i get the further south I'm going. I'll be in Cuba in a decade or two...
ReplyDeleteHahaha, sorry, but that much vitriol was just delightful. Ahh, yes, the horror of being too cold. I'm a long way from it now, but I grew up where it got cold enough overnight that I spent my childhood winters with chillblains, and then when I lived in Scotland for 10 years (which doesn't have cold anywhere near like Canada) I remember the JOY (not) of walking my son to preschool in a blizzard, with him tucked under my coat, and not able to see my hand in front of my face. Why did we go? Geez, staying in front of the fire with a book and some hot chocolate would have been MUCH better, LOL. Now I live in heat and humidity, yuk. Don't like that nearly as much as cold.
ReplyDelete