Just now I was looking back to when we were given the diagnosis that my mom has 2 - 3 months to live. I wasn't making sense. I could not figure out if the diagnosis was in April or May. When I re-read the post it was not connecting in my brain. I don't clearly remember any of it but according to my post the doctor told us April 19th. That will be seven weeks ago. I think. Seriously, I can't figure this out. Yes, that was seven weeks ago.
My mom is about the same but her confusion is upsetting for me. I called her tonight and she was talking about a lady selling a casino. (???) She talked about the water being very dangerous right now. (???) She talked about how she can't go to their cabin right now because renting everything is too complicated. (???) She knows she is not making sense but she can't figure out how to say the right thing. I talked to my dad after I spoke to her but she wet herself so he had to hang up.
So, that is what is happening in my world. I am going to ask my daughter to brush my hair.
Something similar happened to my mother-in-law after my husband's father died. A super swift decline into alzheimer.
ReplyDeleteShe would talk about people who were sitting there and that came to visit and she would try to feed but there was never anyone. The family was trying to help her by telling her that there is no one here (she wasn't afraid). At some point I just told them to stop telling her what she is seeing and saying isn't real. it's real to her. so go with it and join in her conversation. It was very difficult for them to do that and to watch her slip away. I assured them that in her world she was okay and safe and for us to see what was happening in her decline was hard. My husband understood and his sister not at all. We cannot know what is going on in the mind and world of our mothers and other loved ones. All we can be, all we can do is be there and go on this journey with them wherever they take us. I am thinking about a recent post that Lana wrote about your mother's feelings about leaving her family (I am unable to go back to check Lana's actual words). But they resonated with me. If we can accompany their journey and not struggle against our pain, maybe this eases their transition. I seem to be babbling but this is hard to put into words. All of this process you are going through, that we all go through and that our children will go through - I don't think it has a language.
You are going through a difficult phase now... may you have the strength to keep up and carry on with the journey your mom has started... it is difficult to watch your mom talking nonsense but I agree with Paula... it makes sense to her and if she believes that and is talking about it... maybe getting into the discussion with her might help... ask her more questions about what she is talking about but not to show that what she is saying does not make sense but just for conversation's sake...
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong wonderful daughter... the only thing you can do is to be there for them and help them through this difficult transition... Bless you all!
I can't imagine. I think blogging about will be beneficial to you in the long run. Glad you're keeping it up. Thoughts for your mother.
ReplyDeleteBirdie, this are tremendously difficult experiences for you and your love ones.
ReplyDeleteI send you my love and positive vibes!
My mother was often confused even when she was healthy.
ReplyDeleteI understand how difficult it is to watch their confusion. I hope they are controlling your mother's physical pain.
Oh, I am so sorry. I had no idea any of this was going on. My heart goes out to you and your mother and all who love her.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I just don't have any words of comfort. Sometimes there are none.
Dear Birdie, thank you for your kind words.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that your Mom is going through such a tough time. Prayers for her and you. Allow the worries of the day to be lifted from your shoulders, and enjoy a peaceful evening with your daughter.
Thanks for share your experience. I think that you help us and yourself:talk about emotions brings peace.
ReplyDeleteHugs Yoana
Perhaps your mum is under sedation or pain management? Morphine confuses you.
ReplyDeleteThis is a dreadful time for all of you. I am so very sorry.
PS: the way you feel about hockey is the way I feel about all sport: I don't care.
I'm sorry for your continued heartache over your mother's condition. It's so difficult to see and accept our parents' decline. Sending warmth and hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteBirdie, it compounds... to deal with a time-frame and then memory loss. I'm glad you're able to release what you're feeling here and maybe elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteMy mom seems okay for now, but she asks me the same questions over and over.
Like Hilary said, "Sending warmth and hugs your way."