Ugly Wood Paneling

What a crazy week it has been.  There is so much work to be done to our new home.  We have all been working very so hard, even my kids.  My last official day in my condo is July15 so I have been running back and forth between both locations.  As promised here are some pictures!

The front.  If you look out our front window you can see a Provincial park. 

Living Room.  I love the bay window. Fireplace is gas.  Only one house across the street and the owner is baker of delicious cookies.  She brought us a batch to welcome us to he neighborhood. 

Dining Room.  Curtains need to go but I love the real wood floor. It is all throughout the upstairs and we have plans to take out the carpet so we can see this gorgeous wood.

Master bedroom.  Yes, the wallpaper is going!

Half the backyard.  Actually it is about 1/4 of the backyard.  There is a lot of space behind all the shrubs right in front of this picture.  This will eventually be converted to a vegetable garden and a home for chickens!

Hanging the flag!

(Belated) Happy Canada Day!

Renovations downstairs. 

My boy demolishing stuff!

Renovation junk.  The pile is twice this size now. 

Who invented fake wood paneling?  Was it the same person who invented high heeled shoes?  What a nincompoop.  I actually think the curtains are kind of funky in a 60's kind of way but they are old and smelly. This room is going to be gutted and turned into a basement suite.  

And this is the piece I ripped off the wall and caused a small flood.  But I did fix it! 

So there you go!  Lots of work to be done but I LOVE our new home.  I am over the moon happy. There have been a few times when the tears have come and I wonder how I am going to go on when my mom dies but I know she has been almost as excited as I am about this.  Sending love to my American blogging friends.  Happy 4th of July!   

http://okrestore.com/

So, so , so tired.  Sorry I have been a crappy blogger and have not been visiting your blogs.  There is so much to do with the renovations in our new home. Fell into bed last night then up early and went to work today. Came home and that is when the fun began.
I was attempting to hook up the washer and dryer and in the process broke a water line.  (Thankfully is was the cold line.)  As it sprayed in my face I tried plugging the hole with my finger and I can tell you right now that the story of the Little Dutch Boy is a load of shit. You can't hold back water with your finger.  I screamed at my man to turn off the water main which he did. By the time it got turned off 1/4 of the basement was flooded.  I was soaked.  To the hardware store to buy a new piece of whatever the hell it was that broke.  Went back home and tried to get the old piece off.  My man tried to do it but by this time STUBBORN BITCHY BIRDIE had made an entrance.  I was spitting nails. I WAS going to fix it myself come hell or high water! After about an hour I finally got the old piece off and cleaned up about 900 buckets of water.  Added the new piece and hooked it up. 


I then go the brilliant idea to hook up the dryer while I was at it.  BAD IDEA.  I thought I could just take the hose from the previous owners and hook it up but they had been using an air vent, not a dryer vent. (It was made of plastic and had about 2 inches left in it for the air to flow through.  I had to take off the old vent and clean out 50 years of dryer lint.  I have no idea how they never had a fire!  I hooked up the new hose and vented it outside and clamped everything.  So now everything is hooked up.  It only took about 5 hours!  Anyway, I don't really need a bath because the shower I received earlier was sufficient but I think I will go soak in a hot tub anyway.
I stopped by and saw my mom. She is getting worse.  The last two days have not been good.  She is very weak.  
A hot bath will help my aching muscles but wont do a thing for my aching heart. 

<----  This is me tonight so just a short post.  We got the keys to our new house yesterday. I have pictures but I am too tired to upload them.  We are so excited but there is so much work to be done!  We have line-ups of different contractors coming in.  I was thinking about starting on the very overgrown yard but I think there may be a hornets nest back there.  I hate hornets.  They are mean on purpose.  If there is reincarnation I wonder how a hornet could possible be anything better in the next life because they are one of the evilest creature on the planet.  They don't sting in self-defense, they sting because they think it is fun.  Assholes.


My mom wanted to walk through our new home today but she us having trouble with walking.  She has no energy.  She has lost so much weight.  When I hug her I make sure to be extra gentle.  And it hurts me to my deepest part.  As Forest Gump says, "That's all I have to say about that".  


OK. Goodnight. 

Tomorrow the Keys!

I am way past bedtime but I thought I would type a few words.


Tomorrow my fiance and I get the keys to our new house!  Eeeeeee!  So excited.  Millions of pictures to come!


Have you ever scrolled through blogs and come across one and have no idea what the blogger is posting about? Some days I feel so dense.  I often listen to conversations and have no idea what people are talking about.  I still don't what the hell an iphone is.  Or an ipad.  It took me over an hour to find out how to take call display off my cell phone.  I did some online banking today and for some reason I destroyed my password and had to call the bank to get it reset.  My girlfriend (hi Lori!) and I have trouble even answering our cell phones.  It confuses us and causes intense panic.  I see people answer their phones and they whip their index finger across the screen. I have no idea what they are doing.  Not a clue.  I don't know what a Blu-ray is but I know someone who has a dog named Blu!  For some reason I don't think there is any relation. I never get around to deleting people off my call display on my land line phone.  I don't know how.  I think it gets up to 99 and just starts over again.  Or maybe the phone self-destructs.  Or maybe a direct message goes to my phone company and they take it away.  (Like a child who is too young for a toy only I am too old.) I am 40 for the love of all that is good and true, what is life going to be like when I am 80?  Will my children and grandchildren be able to stop my heart remotely and laugh then restart again?  


OK, here is a song for my man because he reads this blog and has yet to leave a comment. I love you so much my insides hurt and my brain goes foggy and my breath catches in my throat.  Everything is easier 'cause  of you. Our cats will learn to love like tolerate not kill each other. 

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZtJWJe_K_w

I'll light the fire
You put the flowers in the vase
That you bought today 

Staring at the fire
For hours and hours
While I listen to you 
Play your love songs
All night long for me
Only for me 

Come to me now
And rest your head for just five minutes
Everything is good
Such a cosy room
The windows are illuminated
By the sunshine through them 
Fiery gems for you
Only for you 

Our house is a very, very fine house
With two cats in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
'Cause of you
And our la,la,la, la,la, la, la, la, la, la, la..... 

Our house is a very, very fine house
With two cats in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
'Cause of you
And Our 

I'll light the fire
And you place the flowers in the jar
That you bought today

Roller Coasters and Death

I am starting to think that blogging this journey is a bad idea.  It is too painful.   I am drained physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Yesterday did me in and I want to abandon this project.

So what about yesterday?  Those who have been reading this blog know that my mom kept forgetting she was dying.  The doctor told her.  My dad told her.  Because of all the medication she kept forgetting and my dad would have to tell her again.  Considering that she is dying, she has been feeling OK the last week or so.  I think Abbey had a big part to do with this.  Anyway, my mom wanted to go back to see her Oncologist even though there is nothing more that can be done.  We didn't want her to go.  We already knew what was going to be said but she insisted.  And kept insisting.  My dad and I discussed it and finally decided to take her.  I even went as far as calling her doctor and discussing with her the best way to go about this.  We decided ahead of time to tell her that because she is feeling well, chemo was not a good choice at this time (even though there is no more chemo and every treatment has been exhausted).  We all saw the doctor together.  My mom wanted to start chemo again right away.  Her doctor had to tell her there were no more treatments. She cried.  She said she will do anything.  She said she does not want to die.

We left and made the long trip (by ferry) home.  She cried more.  And I sat there trying to offer solace but it was not sincere.  I mean she is dying for god sake. It is a roller coaster that she can't get off and it is going to crash in the end and she is going to die.  She knows it.  What is there left to say?  

More Perfection!

Here she is!  I spelled her name wrong in the last post.  Her name is Abbey.  I love it! And I love her!  Look at her!  Just look!  I mean blaaaaagh!  She is so cute!

Here she is with my mom!

  

Here she is with my dad!

Here she is with my mom again! 

And what was so darn tootin` cute was how much my 15 year old son loved her!  He adores her. How sweet is that? 

And of course Auntie Baba hogged her almost the entire time and I even got to change her diaper!

Here she is again!

Here is her ear! 

Here is her foot!

And here is my mom and me being silly!

So that was our Father`s day and Sister's birthday and Welcome to the World Abbey celebration!  Yay!

Welcome to the World!

 ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸❤¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ ~~ happy dance ~~♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸❤¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

She is here!  She is here! She is here! She is here!  She is here! 

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸❤¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ ~~ happy dance ~~♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸❤¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

My sister had a baby girl.  She is the most beautiful baby! 

 Lots of hair and  healthy!  


I did not get to be there because she came

too quick.  (My BIL's mother missed her too.)  However,

 my mom saw her and that makes me do another

one of these.

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸❤¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ ~~ happy dance ~~♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸❤¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

My sister is doing excellent and wants to go home.  Oh! 


 They named her xxx.  She was 7 pounds 14 


ounces.  AND!  There is one more piece!  She was born 


on her mama's birthday!  Oh yes,  she was!  My sister's


 birthday is today.  She was born in the same hospital 37 


years ago today!  Do you think our family could contain 


any more happiness?  My sister has decided she wants 


to go home already so I may have even more pictures for 


tomorrow at our Father's day dinner.  And her is a picture


of her and me her happy, happy Auntie Baba. (That is 


what my family calls me.)

I am Ashamed

I have never been ashamed to be a Canadian. I have always been very proud of my province.  No doubt you have already heard or read about the rioting that went on after the hockey game last night.  I am ashamed.  I am not proud.  I am embarrassed.  I am disgusted.  I have heard that this riot was planned by a group of individuals but as far as I can see this is more than a group of individuals.  Take a look at these pictures and decide for yourself.   

I am dismayed and confused.  These people are an insult to what the majority of Canadians stand for.  The people I know are humble, quiet and peaceful.  There were over 150, 000 people in downtown Vancouver and yes it was a small percentage of people that were looting and causing destruction.  But still, there are a lot of people in these pictures.  

As I went about my day every single person I spoke to was dumbfounded.  We don't know what to say.  This is not our Canada.  

Last night I wondered what I could say to all of you.  I felt actual stress today on how to approach this.  I have nothing to say because saying anything condones what happened.  All I can say is on behalf of the millions of Canadians out there that would never act this way,  I  am sorry.  To my American readers, I apologize.  Boston played a great game and is clearly a stronger team than Vancouver.  My congratulations go to the team and the fans.  

Cold Lemonade with a Touch of Vodka

I am so done with today and it is only 4:30.  I got up this morning and took the chickadees to school.  Came home.  Did a bunch of change of addresses.  Made an appointment to donate blood which I hate doing because it scares me.  But I know how important it is so I do it anyway. Still, I hate it. Spoke to my mom's new gynecological oncologist. (I love her.)  I made appointments to get windows in our new home.  I was checking things off my checklist left, right and centre.  I went to work and took a client out, took another client from Wednesday and saw her today instead.  Picked up the chickadees at school.  Picked up some groceries.  Came home. Phone rang 3 times within five minutes of coming through the door. I then called the oncology department.  I called my mom's lab to set up a home visit.  I called oncology again. The lab called me back.  My mom called.  My fiance called to cancel an appointment for tomorrow.  And now!  And now,  I am drinking some cold lemonade with a dash of vodka.  I am not much of a drinker and have had the bottle of vodka left over from a friends birthday in February.  I was glad to have it today!   
When I spoke to my mom's oncologist the news was the same.  No more treatment.  She did say something different from the Internist.  She said she does not believe in giving a time limit on how long her patients have to live.  She said she doesn't do it because they are often wrong.  So why did the Internist do it?  Remember that post?  The horrible telling was so unprofessional from a doctor that did not even know my mom.  Anyway, the Oncologist is now saying they do not know.  I am angry at the Internist for doing something he had no right to do. He has no idea what he has put our family through.  The thing is, he is likely right or not too far off but so much of this should have been handled better.  I will be speaking to the Palliative department in our city about how poorly this was handled.  
OK, I am tired and rambling.  


Namaste.

Reaching a Milestone?

Is it a milestone?  I am not sure if that is the correct word.  It appears my mom will be around for the new baby.  My sister is due in 3 days.  (Though her doctor thinks she will be late.) My mom is feeling OK.  She and my dad went to their cabin yesterday.  She has been out of bed.  She is still not eating much and has lost a lot of weight.  However, I am happy.  This was important to our family. I guess it is expected that she will be feeling better because she is no longer receiving chemo and she has recovered from the colonoscopy.  I am in a place where I keep thinking the doctor is wrong. But this is cancer.  I don't know what to think or feel.  It really makes me grateful for each day.  At this moment she is not suffering.  Our next  milestone is when we move into our new home.  She is almost as excited as I am!  I spoke with my daughter's Orthodontist today and he is hoping that her braces will be able to come off early.  My mom is excited about that too.  (My mom and dad paid for them.)  Myself, I am hoping for her to have one last summer with my dad in their cabin.  They bought the property 16 years ago and were finally able to afford to build the cabin last year. It will be finished in the next few weeks. They deserve this.  They worked their whole lives for this!
No much else is going on.  Not that I need more!  I mean a dying mom, a new baby and buying a new house is a LOT but things are quiet for the moment (touch wood!)  Kids are out of school in less than 2 weeks!  Whoooot!  I love it when my kids are home.  I know most parents hate summer vacation and wish their kids were in school but I love it when the chickadees are in the nest.  Yes, they are almost grown chickadees but they are MY chickadees and I love being with them.


PS - I have started to give my blog address to people I know in my "real" life!  This should be interesting~ 

They Had Eighteen Children!

Have I mentioned yet that one of my interests is genealogy?  Well if I have not you just have to ask anyone who knows me outside blogland and they will probably roll their eyes and tell you to run away while you can before I start in on my family. 


With a lot of help I have been able to trace back to the 1700's.  I have pictures of all my grandparents on my paternal side.  The people on the left are my great, great, great, great grandparents.  They came here from England in 1854.  They lost a seven year old son on the way here to a "throat ailment"  which I think may have been Diphtheria. He was buried a sea.  Can you imagine?  I don't know how they did it.  They came to work in the coal mines, hoping to find their Utopia but died poor.   They had a daughter with them named Eliza who married a man named William.  Eliza was an itty-bitty woman full vim and vinegar.

She married this man.  His name is William.  See the two dogs in the picture?  They were his seeing-eye dogs. William was not born blind.  He also worked in the coal mines. He was blinded by a premature explosion.  Undaunted he and his wife Eliza opened a grocery store. Eliza hired natives to take her to get supplies. It was around trip of 225 km.  She went by canoe!  William stayed behind and made deliveries around town.  How the heck did he do that you ask?  He was blind!  This smart man trained his dog, Carlo to lead the horses and wagon around town. When they arrived at a scheduled stop Carlo barked and the customers came out to get their groceries!  Clever dog! 

This is his wife, Eliza.  You can tell she is about 4 1/2 feet tall.  After William lost his sight she not only went by canoe to get supplies but she and William went on to have EIGHTEEN children.  Dear god in heaven!  William never "saw" any of his children.  Apparently blindness does not affect other things.   I don't know how either of them did it. 
 Anyway, this week I received a CD with over 200 pictures of ancestors from a distant cousin. We have not yet found out how we are related except we were both related to the above people.  For a genealogist it is like striking gold!  I keep looking at the pictures.  They are amazing.   I am so excited to add the pictures to my family tree!

Eliza Had Eighteen Children

Have I mentioned yet that one of my interests is genealogy?  Well if I have not you just have to ask anyone who knows me outside blogland and they will probably roll their eyes and tell you to run away while you can before I start in on my family. 


With a lot of help I have been able to trace back to the 1700's.  I have pictures of all my grandparents on my paternal side.  The people on the left are my great, great, great, great grandparents.  They came here from England in 1854.  They lost a seven year old son on the way here to a "throat ailment"  which I think may have been Diphtheria. He was buried a sea.  Can you imagine?  I don't know how they did it.  They came to work in the coal mines, hoping to find their Utopia but died poor.   They had a daughter with them named Eliza who married a man named William.  Eliza was an itty-bitty woman full vim and vinegar.  

She married this man.  His name is William.  See the two dogs in the picture?  They were his seeing-eye dogs. William was not born blind.  He also worked in the coal mines. He was blinded by a premature explosion.  Undaunted he and his wife Eliza opened a grocery store. Eliza hired natives to take her to get supplies. It was around trip of 225 km.  She went by canoe!  William stayed behind and made deliveries around town.  How the heck did he do that you ask?  He was blind!  This smart man trained his dog, Carlo to lead the horses and wagon around town. When they arrived at a scheduled stop Carlo barked and the customers came out to get their groceries!  Clever dog! 

This is his wife, Eliza.  You can tell she is about 4 1/2 feet tall.  After William lost his sight she not only went by canoe to get supplies but she and William went on to have EIGHTEEN children.  Dear god in heaven!  William never "saw" any of his children.  Apparently blindness does not affect other things.   I don't know how either of them did it.  


Anyway, this week I received a CD with over 200 pictures of ancestors from a distant cousin. We have not yet found out how we are related except we were both related to the above people.  For a genealogist it is like striking gold!  I keep looking at the pictures.  They are amazing.   I am so excited to add the pictures to my family tree! 

Denial, Bargains and Snoring

No results yet for the CT Scan yesterday. I finally got around to reading some brochures on end of life care that the Palliative nurse gave me. I could not finish reading them because I just felt sad.  Hopelessly sad.  Sad as in,  "I want my mom!"  My mom would know what to say, she would know what to do. Some days I feel like I am going to be OK.  I will get through this.  Other days I want to rip my hair out and scream.  I can not deal with this!  I thought I was past bargaining part of grief but I am not.  Here is my latest bargain.


When I was growing up I had two friends that were molested by their mother's boyfriends.  Both of these mothers stayed with the abusers.  WTF?  So, yes.  There are four people right there that can die as far as I am concerned.  The molesters and the mothers that thought it was fine to stay with a man that sexually abused their child.  Bargaining. 


Oh, and denial.


She was able to go for a drive with my dad last week.  Maybe the doctor is wrong!  Other than not eating and drinking, and sleeping 20 hours a day and the dementia.  There is that.  But I still keep hoping.  But then I stop because I don't want her to live like this. But then I think maybe she will get better.  We have all heard the stories of people given months to live and they are alive 20 years later.  The whole thing is exhausting. 


I try to balance my posts and my life for that matter with positive.  My fiance and I signed more papers which is getting us closer to the possession date of our new home.  Can't wait!  I love him so much!  I can't wait to sleep beside him every night even if he hogs the bed and likes the bed sheets all twisted and tangled. (Right sweetie?)  I told him last night that I am going to be the one in charge of changing the sheets because dear god that man is amazing but he can not make a bed. He cooks, cleans, sews, gardens and is the best man on the planet, oh yes he is.  But he can't make a bed.  So I will make it and we can sleep in it.  He can listen to me snore. :-)

Staring at Dirt

I dropped by to see my mom and dad today and things with my mom have taken a bad turn.  After I spoke with my mom on Sunday she became even more confused.  My dad was at a loss as to what to do so he called a good friend of the family who is a Registered Nurse.  When she looked her over my mom was asking "who the boy was with the gun". They took her to the hospital where they did fuck all for her and sent her home.  (Incidentally, the last time she was there they were going to send her home and she ended up having an emergency colostomy and then given 2 - 3 months to live.  She has shit coming out of her vagina!  Is that not reason enough to admit someone?)  Anyway, she was sent home even though she was acting all screwy. She is getting a CT scan tomorrow.  I am hoping that the medication is causing all this confusion but of course the worst case is the cancer is now in her brain.  


So yeah.  Fuck.  Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

In other news it is finally warming up here after the worst Spring in history.  My cat thinks he is dying because he is hot and has all that fur.  He is laying in front of the fan right now all stretched out.  Hold on, I will take a picture. 

See, I just took this picture.  I love technology! PS - This is where I blog. Snoopers of the World  snoop away!  Not very interesting. Just my laptop, cordless phone and cellphone. 

Actually, here are two more pictures of Norbert.  I planted some Sweet Peas yesterday and Norbert stared at the dirt the entire time.  What's up with that? 

Stare

More Staring.  I love this cat so much.  He makes me laugh every day.  He is mean and hateful but look at him!  

So yeah.  That is my life in the last two days.  A over-heated lazy cat. And my mom.  

       

A Round of Confusion All Around!

I have not been posting but it was not for lack of things to write.  I went to a concert on Thursday.  I had the best fish & chips ever on Friday.  I had the best raw organic granola ever on Saturday.  I was able to spend almost the whole weekend with my fiancé.   I will write all about this some time this week but right now I just don't have the energy to put my thoughts into words.


Just now I was looking back to when we were given the diagnosis that my mom has 2 - 3 months to live.  I wasn't making sense. I could not figure out if the diagnosis was in April or May.  When I re-read the post it was not connecting in my brain.  I don't clearly remember any of it but according to my post the doctor told us April 19th.  That will be seven weeks ago.  I think.  Seriously, I can't figure this out. Yes, that was seven weeks ago.  


My mom is about the same but her confusion is upsetting for me.  I called her tonight and she was talking about a lady selling a casino. (???)  She talked about the water being very dangerous right now. (???)  She talked about how she can't go to their cabin right now because renting everything is too complicated. (???)  She knows she is not making sense but she can't figure out how to say the right thing.  I talked to my dad after I spoke to her but she wet herself so he had to hang up.  


So, that is what is happening in my world.  I am going to ask my daughter to brush my hair.  

Here's the Thing...

You all know I am Canadian, right?  Well if you don't you do now.  What comes to your mind when you think of Canada?  Here is an example.  When I think of the United States I think of baseball and hot dogs.  When I think of Portugal I think of a rooster.  When I think of New Zealand I think of sheep.  When I think of Norway I think of blonde people and my (blonde) neighbor yelling at her (blonde) sister in Norwegian something to do with cutting a circle in the middle of a birthday cake. (I still have no idea what that was about.)  When I think of the United Kingdom I think of the Queen and Big Ben.
OK, so you get the point.  I am quite sure these images are in my brain because I have never traveled.  But it brings me to this.  What do you think of when you think of Canada?  Snow?  Beer? Hockey?  Well,  I saw a grand total of less than half a foot of snow this year.  I drink an occasional beer.  So here's the thing...  Hockey.  I hate it. What kind of Canadian hates hockey?  THIS ONE!  The playoffs are on right now and "my" team (Vancouver Canucks)  is playing for the all important Stanley Cup and I don't care!  People are driving around with flags on their cars and everyone is wearing the team jersey.  Everywhere you go there are signs that say, Go, Canucks go! (how original) and I am wondering if the world has gone mad? It is a stupid sport.  The players make way too much money.  When the team scores fans act say "we" scored. No, "we" did not score a goal!  The team did!   I am glad we are down to the last six games because I am tired of all of it.  Stupid hockey.


PS- My lovely American readers stop reading here.  You have been warned.  The only reason I will watch the score is because I don't want a Canadian team to lose to an American team.  I still hate hockey but I am still  Canadian! (I also think I need reading glasses because I can't read this type.  Shit.)


Elaine's reaction to the English Patient is how I feel about hockey...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5qalNX5G94

Probe...

 I finally got to see my doctor yesterday.  I am set up to have a mammogram, oh joy.  I had a whole bunch of blood taken and everything is normal but my iron is as low as it can go and still be on the normal side.  Maybe that explains why I am so tired.  I had some neat news from my doctor.  He is now going to be having his nurse/practitioners doing pap smears.  I am grateful for that.  Even though I think it he is the best doctor I have ever had it is still so invasive.  I guess I need to book that now plus my  pelvic ultrasound screening for Ovarian cancer.  Boy, that is fun!  There are just certain situations where you don't want to hear the word probe. 
Signed the final papers today so my home is now SOLD!  Yay! I should go throw all my underwear and bras all over the place to celebrate! 

I don't have a whole lot to say.  Very tired.  My ear hurts.  Tomorrow will be 6 weeks since we were told she has 2 - 3 months left.  Whatever that means... It seems like that conversation happened years ago.  I am crying a lot.  Feeling very alone right now.  Completely and utterly alone.  I wish I could call my mom like I used to and have her tell me she loves me.  It has been so long since I have had my mom.  I feel three years old and all I want is my mom.  I wish she could come to my house and help me with some menial bit of housework. (She is very good at folding bed sheets.)  I wish we could go out for lunch.  I wish I could go to visit her and for her to make me a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup.  I wonder how many tears I will have to cry until there are no more tears left.  She is not even gone yet and it hurts so much.  I apologize for not being a very good blogging friend.  I am reading your posts but I am empty and don't have much in me to respond. 

Only 19 days left until my sister is due and today she said I could go into he delivery room with her!  Woot! I'm so excited!  Yay!  Seeing a baby born is on my Bucket List.  
My mom is stable and we are hoping she can hang on until the baby arrives.  She is getting more confused every day but not in any pain.  This is good.  I have been coping OK but there are times when I crash.  
The final papers on the sale of my home go through on Tuesday.  I am so glad this part is over!  I have had so many people coming through who seem to just be "looking". I would never do that.  It is such an invasion of privacy and that is something I try to be very respectful of.  Our lives are no longer private and our home is one of the few places we have to ourselves.  Anyway, two more days until where I can put this phase pf my life on the shelf.  I can now leave my underwear and bras on the floor!