Tuesday, June 04, 2013
I Really Don't Know Life At All
It has been a crazy few weeks. And through it all I have learned that I do not know anything for sure. Perhaps it is with some arrogance that I thought that love is all we need. If we love, everything will turn out OK. Well, sadly it is not the case. For over six years now I have given my (step) daughter all my love and support but she wants nothing to do with me.
She is damaged goods. My husband think she may even be a Psychopath. No that is not a joke. Throw drugs and alcohol into the mix and it gets even more chaotic. Her biological mother did a number on her. She just does not have the ability to give or receive love. She accepts and gives when it benefits her. She has cut my husband, myself and her sister out of her life. She has given us no reason. She won't answer our phone calls, emails or the door. Instead, she has invited her biological mother back into her life. The "mother" that used to beat her and lock her in a shed. The "mother" that did not call her for 8 years. The "mother" who stood behind her new husband when he sexually assaulted my her and called her a liar.
Suffice it to say we are all heartbroken. Her sister has always been there for her. Last week she went and bought her groceries when she herself did not have enough food to eat. We are considering a legal route to get visitation rights but my god, how did it come to this?
So yes, I really don't know life at all. It baffles me. My heart is so full of love and I have much of it to give but sometimes that isn't going to help.
Oprah has a page at the back of her magazine stating the things she knows for sure. Tell me reader, what do you know for sure?
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I am sorry. What a nightmare having to watch this young person hurt herself and those around her!
ReplyDeleteI know the sun will rise, my allergies will return in every spring, ice cream does make it a better day, my dog loves me, my husband loves me, the kids love me(although, sometimes, my tween drives me crazy!) my favorite books will always be there for me, and that people like you and I will continue to love because that is what this life is all about. If we don't have love, we have nothing! Sounds cliché, I know. But it is true.
that's it! that's all I know!
hugs
Lisa
What I know for sure is that people who claim to know anything for sure are probably full of it.
ReplyDeleteI know for sure that people baffle the hell out of me - I have never understood anyone, not even myself. My guess is that she is just so desperate for her mother's love that she has been reeled in by the evil witch and been told some big sob story that makes the mother out to be a victim and everyone else the evil ones.
ReplyDeleteI know for sure that pets are a heck of a lot easier to live with than people.
I know for sure that in spite of my own messed upness, my children are better people than I am and somehow love me in spite of myself. My husband too. The world is a funny place.
i know for sure that your heart is breaking and that there might be nothing you can do about it right now. we do what we can and then we just have to breathe.
ReplyDeleteI think it's (almost) normal for her to be craving a relationship with her mother after just becoming a mother herself. Perhaps she will realize in time that her mother is not who she needs.
ReplyDeleteThe thing I know for sure is that you can't force someone to love you in the way you need or the way you think it should be. They are them and you are you and I am the walrus and all that other shit. Just be you and don't stop being you.
Lowering expectations is a great way to deal with people. If you don't expect much, you won't be disappointed. Cynical eh?
Big hugs to you. I know this is tough.
I am sorry, Birdy. So sorry. I don't know anything for sure, at all, and suspect that no one really does. May you and your family continue to have strength and courage --
ReplyDeleteI know for sure that you are a good person, full of love. This is not your failure.
ReplyDelete(Open a little savings account for your grandchild).
I know for sure I love and adore my children and it hurts like hell when a parents love comes with conditions
ReplyDeleteHow sad. I understand this just breaks your heart, but you are not responsible - or the cause - of someone else's crappy attitude or behaviour. The biggest loss it to that helpless baby who would benefit from the love of so many people.
ReplyDeleteO dear, I'm so sorry. It's absolutely true what Martha said, you are not responsible. You've done your best, and you are still walking in love -- it's up to your stepdaughter to receive it. Sometimes it's hard to understand what's going through the minds of people who have been psychologically damaged -- often a faithful love and compassion are all one can offer, but they can work wonders when we least expect. Hang in there, you're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI know almost nothing for sure - except that here in the blogosphere many of us are at your back sending good wishes (by the ton) through cyber space.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
I agree with EC. So sorry you are going through this. I do know that your love isn't wasted.
ReplyDeleteWhat I know pretty much for sure is that you knew this was coming and now that it is here you need to detach from the situation. Keep the pressure on CPS to stay involved. I think the girl may be a Sociopath and the book The sociopath next door by Martha Stout.ph.d....may help you. The opening sentance is "Imagine --if you can--not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern for the well being of strangers, friends, or even family members."..etc.etc. The first paragrah sums up 1 in 25 people..hard to believe (or not) but true.
ReplyDeleteI know for sure that Angels walk among us... and no love is wasted. I like the idea of setting up a bank account for the grandchild, in trust, and one day that child will know that it was love in action. I also like the message above from 'ain't for city gals' and who knows, perhaps the evolution of events will turn your way... sending you hugs.
ReplyDeleteAfter having a bad week, I can honestly say that I absolutely am positive I know nothing for sure.
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