Calm
Despite stress going on in my life and around me I am strangely calm and at peace. Something triggered yesterday where I got so angry at a situation and it made me realize I need to just give up and give in. The situation is never going to change and the only thing I can do is give up. Banging my head against a wall never hurts anyone but me. I end up with the headache. Not only that I end up with heart palpitations and an upset stomach. And you know what? I need to get my sorry ass back to Al-Anon because even though I have no active alcoholics in my life I am as co-dependant as I ever was. If people around me are not happy, I am not happy. It is really a fucked up way to be. Though my biological father left when I was only 6, I learned from a very young age how to walk on eggshells. It was very important to never rock the boat. Because of his alcoholism I learned to be a pleaser and peacemaker. Whenever anything is wrong in my life I need to fix it. Especially people. But you can't fix another person that is broken. They can't be fixed with love or with anger. The only person I can fix is myself and learn to let go off the chaos. I am happy because I found a meeting very close to home and on one of my nights off. So no more excuses in that regard.
Our tree is up but not decorated. Both cats are asleep under it. They were hissing and growling at each other in attempt to claim their space but now they are both curled up in cat balls. God love them. (Norbert the Ungrateful Bastard asked me to wish you all a shitty Christmas.)
I made a decision on my next palliative course. Rather the decision was made for me. When I looked at the course outlines I thought the course on Theories of Grief and Dying was available right now but it isn't. For that reason I chose a course on symptom management. There are so many great courses and I can't decide which course to take. It will take two years to get my accreditation and I am so excited to do this!
One more thing. I need to stop playing Farm Town on Facebook! argh!
My favorite line of Co-dependant No More is..."it doesn't mean you don't care...you can still care but just detach" and let go. And the part of "don't volunteer" and "love yourself". That has gotten me through many situations that used to be so difficult for me. Like you I need a refresher course every six months or so..
ReplyDeleteMaybe Norbert the Ungrateful Bastard and Grumpy Cat are brothers!
ReplyDeleteAmazing how me know something to be true but we still need to be reminded time and again....good to know I am not the only one who is constantly needing a refresher course in 'relationships'.....care about people not for them!!!!! unless of course they are in diapers and can't speak lol
ReplyDeleteStress is a killer factor in all kinds of illnesses. I know that to be true.
ReplyDeleteI think anyone who is an empathetic person will want to go in and try to help and/or fix things - I fight against the same impulse.
ReplyDeleteIt's important to follow the steps that you know will help you cope.. and you seem to be doing just that. Good for you.
ReplyDelete"Norbert the Ungrateful Bastard asked me to wish you all a shitty Christmas." That made me laugh out loud. :)
Hahaha...I love Norbert the Ungrateful Bastard! He's quite entertaining.
ReplyDeleteYes, you cannot fix another person that is broken. They have to do that on their own.
Norbert the Ungrateful Bastard has a long lost cousin in Jazz the psycho cat who lives with us. And I love them both.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it odd (and sad) how much easier it is to love and care for someone, anyone other than ourselves.
I am really pleased to hear about your steps forward - and need to follow suit.
I like the way you think sister. We could all learn a little something great from you xoxox
ReplyDeleteSame to you Norbert...
ReplyDeleteCheers!
Linda :o)