In my younger days, I did a lot of searching. Catholicism to Jehovah's Witnesses and then became a born-again Christian. What was niggling all these years is how HAPPY everyone was. I wasn't. What went on in the church dismayed me. What was going on in the world kept me full of questions. Nobody in the church ever spoke honestly about life. Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door, all dressed up with smiles on their faces but their eyes were dim and sad. When I became a born again Christian I found everyone "just loved Jesus so much" and everything was rosy. But really it wasn't.
Here is the thing. I do not begrudge anyone for his or her beliefs. If it holds true for you, go with it. I just hate the damn pretending. How do I know? Because I have lived the lie of pretending. Go with your beliefs, whatever they are but don't be afraid to say that you are unhappy, depressed, angry or that you do not really understand the ways of your creator. Your creator has broad shoulders and will not throw you into hell for questioning.
I picture God like this. Think of a child who is angry at his mom. He stomps his little feet and has a temper tantrum. He may even throw out an I HATE YOU! A parent looks on and holds back a smile at the purity and simpleness of his expressions. That is how I picture my creator. I can question. I can be angry. I can not speak to Him/Her for days/weeks or months at a time. God still loves me. Always. There is nothing I can ever do to make my creator love me more. And there is nothing I can do to make my creator love me less. I LOVE that. I mean seriously! I find that exciting!
As I strolled through "next blog" I was actually feeling a little sick at the sad and horrible things people are going through yet they keep up the act. How many people out there never want to step foot in a church because their life is so far from happy, so far from perfect? They feel like they would never fit. I believe that my creator loves me like there is no tomorrow but my creator knows I am pissed at Him right now. (My mom has Ovarian cancer.) I mean what the fuck? Asshole pedophiles are walking around and my mom gets cancer! But whatever, right? I am angry and God knows I am. I am being honest and open about my feelings and don't sit around talking about God's will and how happy I am. I am not happy or joyful. I am angry. So what if it is God's will? I am still not happy about it.
I don't know if I am making any sense whatsoever. I just know I desire to live in a world where people can be open about their feelings, especially their feelings about God. Life is too short. Let's share and learn from each other. We are all we have.
Namaste
Namaste
OK Birdie, here we go. First I think you are right about the actions or anyone who says they are happy all of the time. I, personally, am inspired by the being who could create all of the universes. But I am not about to turn over my humanness that I was born with. Denying anger is taking away part of my humanness. I actually find myself angry at the smugness of some of the BAC's in thinking they know and can say what God wants and thinks. I truly believe that we have been given what we need to survive. But just surviving is not enough. We trudge forward with our beliefs to help us along and sometimes it takes more than that. But talking to friends, praying, or whatever helps, move forward we do. Anger, if it helps, can be part of that. I believe trying to tell anyone that you are constantly happy is always a lie, perhaps to yourself.
ReplyDeleteOh Birdy... first let me say I was sad to hear that your mother has Cancer... it is hard to deal with but after reading so many posts on your blog and know what your profession is... I know that you are a strong person and will be able to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with you... it is important for all of us to be very honest with ourselves and each other... why live an act our whole lives... I am a moderate muslim by the way... and like you I believe in a God... but I would not let myself not be angry at Him because we are not supposed to... why? It is totally normal to be angry, sad and depressed... we are only human after all... and it is absolutely normal to go through such a phase for a long time and question the reasoning behind everything that is happening in the world... why doesn't He intervene and makes thing better for everyone in this world? Stop the famine, the oppression, the injustice, the poverty, the crime? But I guess it is up to us to make those changes as I am sure He cannot interfere in everything... I believe that there in fate but I also believe in will... we should stop pretending that our life is perfect and we are happy and dandy... because simply... life is not perfect...
May you be strong to face the difficult challenges that you face Birdy...
much love and light to you my blog friend.
I totally get what you are saying about being real. For me my blog is my happy place, where I can focus on what is good in my life. And there is good things, in the midst of the CHAOS. If I focussed on the CHAOS it would drag me down, that's not gonna help anyone. does that make sense?
ReplyDeletelove your honesty here. I am so sorry to hear about your Mom, I hope things go well for her.
ReplyDeleteI always love meeting others who are pursuing Reiki, your post actually serves as a reminder to me to get back to my reiki self treatments, I am a bit rusty.
Namaste
I see why you are angry, but I'm glad people fake to be happy in blogland. This way, even if not true, they're inspiring people like me who want to be happier. To know horrible things it's enough to turn on the TV.
ReplyDeleteYou know, blogging is like a therapist (but cheaper,lol).
Aromatherapy is very good for people being treated with radiotherapy, if this will be your mother's case, you should try it.
Reiki is very good as well. That's why you should not be angry with God, but thank Him for one more oportunity to show Him how much you care for His creation.
Lots of love
The first Reiki Principle:
I - Just for today, I will not be angry.
Isa