Maybe This is all Fiction...

OK, I don't have a crappy life.  I have two awesome teenagers that are so freaking amazing and never give me a moment of trouble.  (With the exception of my daughter's eye-rolling/sighing that started when she turned 13.)  At this moment my fiancé and I don't want to kill each other.  I also finally have a job that I love that pays well after not being able to afford food for many years. I have a beautiful home.  And a garden!  Deer walk through my front yard every evening. 
Yes, my mom died and cruel excruciating death.  It still hurts to breathe when I think about it.  I miss her every second.  Some days I think maybe this is just a bad dream and I am going to wake up and (yay!) my mom will be back sitting in her chair phoning me (for the 5th time that day) to tell me some inane bit of information about what is on TV or a recipe she saw on Rachel Ray.  (Oh, god I miss her.  Dear god, it hurts in a place that I did not know existed.  Kind of like when you have a baby and all of a sudden you have a love that you never knew was possible but this is the opposite.) Anyway...
Today my dad called and I get more news.  I sit like the proverbial deer in the headlights.  I already mentioned the possibility here.  It turns out my dad does have Prostate cancer.  And of course I think all the positive thoughts.  Low mortality rate. Highly treatable.  I heard all the same things when my mom was diagnosed.  But fuck.  I can't do this again.  But I do know that ovarian cancer is much more crappier that prostate cancer.  But seriously.  Fuck. 


PS- When I was looking up a suitable picture with the word "fuck" I found this picture and thought it was funny.